avatar 15
Title: Avatar - part 15
Author/Artist: TamLin
Setting: Final Fantasy VII - gametimeish?
Rating: T
Summary: sometimes, choices have to be made. Sometimes - sacrifices do too. (dang, this took forEVER!)
There was - a lot of guilt. She hadn't expected to see her fiancée before she got out of the game - though maybe she should have known he'd come in if he could - but when she'd seen him, she'd known that she had to apologize. Then, right then, and not put it off and be a coward and wait until the situation was 'right'.
She'd owned him a lot of apologies.
For so much more than just the things she'd done with her avatar.
He'd been - he'd been himself. Sweet and concerned, calm and kind. Worried more about her than himself and patient with her as she'd stumbled through everything she'd known she had to say. Of course he had been. She wouldn't have gotten engaged to someone that would be uncomfortable to live with later on.
So he'd been calm and kind and promised that, when she was out of this, they'd talk seriously about things. She knew he thought that she might have gotten too caught up in the game but he'd never dismiss her concerns.
The guilt was a dull gnawing ache in her stomach still. Strangely though, the relief was lighter in her chest. She hadn't expected the chance to talk to her fiancée so soon - but she was so very grateful that she'd gotten the chance. It had let her say everything she'd wanted to say.
To her fiancée. Her eyes trailed upward and focused on Cloud's face.
She was really only halfway done with the things she needed to say. Her eyes shifted back to the passing scenery and she frowned to herself. What she had to say to Cloud was somehow more difficult than what she'd had to say to her fiancée. She still wasn't sure how she was going to say it right.
"Don't."
His voice was soft and she tipped her face to look back up at him. Somehow, not all that surprised he seemed to be reading her mind again. His arm was around her to support her and his glove on her arm rubbed lightly. He didn't look down at her though.
"You're thinking too hard. Don't. There'll be plenty of time for that once this is over. Do what you have to do now and deal with the emotions when you're safe and sound back in the real world."
There was something in the way he said it that sounded as if it was advice he'd given before. There was something in the way he said it that sounded like -
"You say that like you know it from experience."
His eyes blinked and for a minute, just a minute, she wondered what had been in that blue before he'd sealed it away with the flicker of lashes and thin skin. Voice low, he simply answered:
"Yes."
Silent, she promised herself that, when they did make it out of this, she was going to pin him down and ask all the questions she knew it wasn't safe to bring up now. Under them, the chocobo ran on tirelessly. She looked down - and then back up at him.
"I'm not sorry." She said it before she lost her nerve, blurting it but determined. Cloud made a listening noise and tipped his face just enough to slant a glance down at her. She shook her head, wishing they were facing each other so that she could really see his eyes and watch his face. She felt as if she were missing half a conversation this way.
"I'm not sorry," she repeated. "Not for my part in this game. I'm glad I've been a part of it. I'm glad it's challenged me to think. And - " she lifted her eyes to his as he watched her. "I'm glad I met you."
"Tifa..."
It was a soft warning and she saw it in his eyes, saw both the longing and the way the barriers went up. And she realized she'd seen that combination before from him - and that it felt as if she'd known that combination for a long, long time. She knew she was doing this all wrong but she needed to say it. Stubborn, she plowed on.
"It's true. I'm glad I met you. You've challenged me and - I'm glad. I hadn't realized how long I'd been drifting and letting decisions make themselves for me. How much I was letting the world happen around me and not doing anything about it. So - thank you. For waking me up."
"Tifa," his voice was a little bit firmer this time and blue eyes slanted down at her from where she peeked up at him. Around her, his arm tightened. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You can tell me all of this when we wake up out of the tubes back in the real world. Don't - don't do this now. Okay? We'll have time later. I promise."
She frowned up at him, not sure why he wouldn't let her finish. Because she wasn't done. She couldn't - she couldn't push though. Not when he asked her not to that way. Instead she sighed and intentionally slumped a little. So he'd know she was giving in but wasn't happy about it. It felt - strange - and… nice to be able to do that, and know that he would understand - and know that he would know she was doing it on purpose. His chin came down to tuck against the top of her head briefly and he hugged her a little tighter to him.
"Don't do that to me, Tifa. You know I don't like disappointing you."
Tucked into him the way she was, she couldn't lift her face to look at him. Because - he was right. She did know that. She just wasn't sure she was supposed to.
"Cloud?" she asked it softly and heard him grunt above her to show he was listening. "Can we talk? I mean - after this? When we wake up, things are going to be crazy for a while, aren't they? Even after we get out and we're safe and the terrorists aren't a problem anymore, the company is going to want to keep up busy and the news is going to want to talk to us and our families and - " she paused when he didn't insert or disagree with her. Hunching a little more into him, voice small, she asked:
"Will you make time to talk to me?"
It was silent for what felt like a very long held breath and then he exhaled. And she noticed it shook. His arm shifted to wrap around her more completely, pulling her closer into the curve of his body. And it was a long time before he finally mumbled:
"Sure."
She ducked her chin.
"You mean it?"
"If you still want to talk to me when this is all over - I mean it."
"Cloud…" she had to pause and wet her lips. "Is there a reason I wouldn't want to?"
Lifting his head to stare straight ahead again, everything about him said the conversation was done. His arm tightened around her a little bit more though and, to her, it felt as if he was afraid. He still answered her though, even if it was only:
"Yes."
Dealing with children - and their parents - Tifa had learned when pushing would only make someone shut down and clam up and when not pushing gave them room to come back to answering - so she didn't push now. Even if the way his voice had sounded on that 'yes'… she wondered what he'd done that was so terrible in his life that he thought she was going to run screaming from him when she found out who he was…
She wondered if she'd want to run screaming - and wasn't sure what she would do if she did.
Instead, hesitant but sure, she shifted against him until he'd loosened his grip enough and then she freed her arm to slip it around him, tucking back in close. Because - he felt so alone - and she didn't want him to feel that way.
She didn't want him to be that way.
The glow came into view before Fort Condor actually did and when they got close to the mountain, they could see why. There was a giant bird on top of the mountain and it was as bright as a small, gold moon. It washed the landscape as they got closer, tinting everything so that the greens were greener and the reds were muted. The air itself looked hazy gold. Sitting in front of Cloud, Tifa couldn't help but sit up a little straighter and she could feel the way even the chocobos moved a little faster and lighter. Nearby, hanging onto Aerith tightly, Barret whistled.
"We shoulda come here first all along."
Cloud's gloved hands shifted on the reins, holding them tighter.
"Keep your eyes open. Just because we're not supposed to be here doesn't mean that the computer didn't leave a few random surprises just in case."
It tensed up the entire group and stole some of the lazy warmth out of the day - but it was true and Tifa turned her head to watch to the side and slightly behind them, knowing Cloud would have to keep most of his attention toward the front if he were guiding the chocobo.
The air still felt warm and slightly syrupy in her lungs as she breathed it.
They reached the cave entrance without incident however and somehow that just made them more nervous instead of less. So when Cloud pulled his chocobo to a stop and hopped off after handing Tifa the reins, Barret was already scrambling down to join him without being asked. Red all but fell off of his chocobo but both he and the bird looked relieved. Cloud shot both of them an arch look, eyebrow raised but he nodded. With a gesture toward the remaining team, he started silently forward and the other two fell in behind him. The darkness of the cave swallowed them soon after.
Tifa realized how much she hated being left behind.
"Teef?" Jessie's voice was low even though there didn't seem to be anyone within hearing range and Tifa realized that both her and Aerith were watching her. Waiting for instructions. She'd forgotten she was the default leader when Cloud wasn't there. Some of her tension must have fed down into the bird under her because it shifted restlessly on the gravel path, long claws raking trails as it scratched. Tifa reached out to scratch under the feathers behind its cheek and kept her voice calm and quiet.
"We stay on the birds. Keep them ready just in case we have to leave in a hurry." She offered a tight smile, hoping it was reassuring. "It'll be fine."
Aerith was also stroking her bird's neck and watching the cave with a tight face but Jessie was looking at the surrounding area.
"I can't believe it's almost over," she murmured and then looked at Tifa and offered a weak smile. "I mean, it feels like we - belong here, you know? It's going to be weird to go back to the real me and not be carrying a gun across my back." Reaching up absently, she touched her bandana. "I'm going to miss my hair. I like this hair better than my own."
"I'll fix your hair," Aerith startled them both by speaking up and when they looked at her, she looked embarrassed and away at the cave entrance again. Her shoulder shrugged. "It's not that hard. A little bit to strip it, a little bit of dye and some hot oil to make it soft. We can even put some curl in it."
"Really?" Jessie sounded pleased and Tifa knew it was as much from the fact that Aerith was offering as what Aerith was offering. Still looking a little awkward, Aerith looked at the other girl and offered a shy smile.
"Sure."
Red padded out of the cave at that moment and sat down.
"Cloud says I am to tell you 'clear'. And that your 'spiky headed, annoying' friend is there as well, Tifa. He says to leave the 'giant chickens' and come."
It made Tifa smile and she slipped off of the chocobo without hesitation. Cloud was using phrases that sounded like himself so they'd know Red wasn't being tricked or forced. Even though it was only a computer generation, Tifa gave her bird one last stroke and dropped the reins so it would stay put. Jessie and Aerith joined her and together they followed Red as he padded back into the cave.
It grew dark and finally Red paused just before it grew too dark to continue. Again, he sat down and Tifa finally realized that that was his way of showing that he was relaxed and that everything was okay. Jessie, she noticed, still rested her hand on his head and he didn't seem to mind.
"Wait. It will go dark and then light again," Red instructed. "It is the game moving to the next scene."
True to his word, that was what happened next and it was disorientating. A bit like the save point she'd used back when this really had been just a game. Hesitant, not sure her voice would carry, Tifa said:
"This is the way it was supposed to be for new areas, wasn't it? This is still part of the original game."
"Yes," Red's voice answered in the black. "This part is still uncorrupted. It is - a bit of a shock."
There was a flicker of color in front of her and then the light came back, revealing the end of the cave and a homey looking common room beyond, lit with firelight and candles. The floor was hard packed earth and most of the furniture looked crude. She saw several new figures moving around inside it and as she followed Red through the entrance she realized that they were mannequins. The computer generated fill-ins for real avatars that she hadn't seen since - Midgar. Even the family on the farm had been too detailed. These were obviously just secondary characters mass created by a computer, with the dull eyes, same body build and voice tone and limited cycle of movement, following preprogrammed loops.
It was - jarring. And it made her wonder how she could have found the computer's environment so realistic before. Even the earth floor under her looked too… uniform. Looking up she caught Cloud watching her from where he was standing next to an old man and the smile he gave her was quiet and a little wry. It made her feel better and she inhaled and nodded. The old man turned from Cloud and looked at the women with glass eyes. And cracked:
"Took ya long enough, babe. Mace was about to send outta search party for ya'."
"Swift!" it was ridiculous how happy she was to hear his voice again and she ran over to throw her arms around him in a hug.
"Hey, hey, babe, watch the PDA. This old man's made of match sticks." It was a protest - but she felt the way he hugged her back and she knew he was possibly even more relieved to see her than she was to see him. She exhaled contentment and then let go of him. Cloud was there for her to thump unexpectedly back into. She was learning enough about him to know it wasn't accidental as his hand found her hip and curved there.
"So now that we're all here, it's just step into the save point and go?"
Cloud's question sounded suspicious and Tifa knew the feeling. After everything else that had gone on, and how hard they'd had to fight - they were really going to just waltz calmly out of the game like that? The old man's bony shoulders shrugged.
"Well, we can totally play a vicious game of tiddlywinks to the death if you want before that," Swift straight-faced. "But White says that he's locked it down to the Condor save point and he's yankin' from there." The old man's face somehow managed to sober. "Hey, we're not sayin' it's all cake-walk." His eyes found Tifa's. "We're jury-riggin' this. It's not the safe expulsion. Computer's corrupted and we ain't got no docs or medics or nothin' on standby. White says it's the best he can pull and I believe him. But there's still a risk somethin' could go wrong and brain fry you. You wanna wait here, White's got the area reinforced so it should be safe for a little while after they realize you're not in Junon. Maybe the cops'll have the jerks running this program by then and we can pull you all out safer." His eyes shifted to take in the rest of the group. "This is the emergency exit on the plane, gang. When it's still in the air. We'll do our best no matter what you guys decide."
Cloud's arm tightened around Tifa a little more but he didn't volunteer anything. She thought she knew what that meant. He'd already made up his mind and he wasn't going to influence anyone else. But she wondered what he'd decided.
"I will go," Red took a step forward. "If I make it safely to the other side, you may tell the others here so and they may come after me."
Swift was already shaking his head though.
"We're gonna rip a hole in the world when we send you. Everyone in the system is going to know - and that virus is going to come down like a hammer. White says it's a one-time shot. Everyone who goes goes together and then we evac the rest of you because all hell's gonna come down on this place once we crack it."
"Figures," Barret muttered under his breath and then he straightened his shoulders and pulled in a deep breath. "Okay, count me in on the away team. Those losers in charge of the virus can't use us as threats or bargaining chips if we ain't here anymore. I'll take my chances with this White guy instead."
Cloud made an almost silently amused sound behind Tifa but didn't offer anything else. Aerith dusted off the sides of her dress.
"Well, it's not as if there's anything left to win. Let's go home."
And then, expectant, she looked at Cloud. He turned his head to look at Jessie. Who gave him a weak smile and shrugged.
"I was supposed to die anyway back at the beginning. I'll go with Red."
Tifa felt the focus on her. Another decision to be made, another fork in the road of her life she needed to pick. She was done letting expectations determine what she did. She lifted her face to look at Cloud.
"And I'll go where you do."
"Tifa - " it was an exhale and sounded torn. She shook her head at him and linked her fingers through his.
"I'm not letting you decide what happens to me. I'm deciding to back you up if you decide to stay. If you want to fight, we'll fight it together. We can help each other."
Somehow she was already expecting, almost hoping for it, when his arms suddenly closed around her and he pulled her back into the curve of his body, shifting forward to press his face into her hair. And she smiled, turning her head to press her face into his hair. Sure of her decision the way she hadn't been sure of anything for a long time.
Cloud lifted his head but his embrace didn't relax.
"We all go," he told Swift and the old man nodded. Then he held up a hand and cocked his head for a long moment, listening. Another nod and he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Save point's in that room. Everyone hang on to each other and hop in at the same time. White says it's cranked and now's the now."
Cloud nodded and let go, face tight and controlled. His voice was calm and just as controlled.
"All right. You heard the man. Let's do this."
No one needed to be told twice and Tifa paused just long enough to give Swift another hug.
"It'll be okay," she told him in a whisper against his ear. "You'll see. Whatever happens, it'll be okay."
"Babe, it better be okay or I'm gutting that White guy myself," he growled back and gave her one last squeeze before letting her go so she could catch up with the others. Cloud was waiting by the open door for her and he caught her arm as she started to duck past.
"You can forgive me later," his voice was a gravel rumble and then he brought his lips down over hers like fire.
The squeaking noise slipped out and her eyes went huge in her face. It wasn't just a quick peck though, Cloud was intent on being thorough.
It wasn't a tease to distract her. It wasn't a move to show the other men in the room who was claiming first interest in her. It wasn't even a goodbye or 'for luck'. Instead it was - Tifa tasted desperation. And longing and tightly chained need. And despair. And all of them tore through her heart - and maybe she should have stopped him - but it was the last one that had her winding her arms around his wide shoulders and relaxing into him, mouth softening for his. Later forgiveness must have earned him a great deal because Cloud took advantage of her response, arms wrapping her closer and shifting to cradle her as he tipped her the little bit under him. The kiss went hot liquid oil and he wasn't interested in being polite or respecting her personal space. His tongue traced her bottom lip, swamping her with heat and the sensation and she knew better - and parted her lips for him anyway.
It was a great deal like drowning… and realizing that you could breath underwater and why hadn't you started doing that years ago. When their lips finally parted for that precious air, she was gasping and flushed and felt shivery and warm at the same confusing time. While she was still trying to reorient, Cloud took her hand and pulled her into the room - and she felt a vague resentment that he seemed to be able to do that without having his knees give out the way she felt like hers were about to.
The others were waiting around the save point and Tifa kept her eyes down to avoid the looks she knew were on their faces. Jessie caught her other hand though and she snuck a glance at the other woman to find her grinning like a fool. Ridiculously - it made Tifa want to grin that way as well.
So, so much she needed to set right once she was back in her own body…
Cloud's voice counted it down.
"Three, two, one - "
At the last, Tifa took the step forward, felt the tug from both Jessie and Cloud's hands as they did as well. The save point expanded into gold light and she felt the familiar tingle run over and through her that she'd felt when she'd used the save point in Midgar. Vaguely, she could see the forms of the others and she had time to count them and make sure they were all there just before the world seemed to very literally tear open. The light ripped down its seams, being striped away as impossible, bottomless darkness poured in. Tifa had to time realize that she was gasping in air as if she were about to fall into water and then the ice cold feeling hit her hard. Everything seemed to freeze and she realized in horror that she couldn't inhale. Or exhale. She couldn't breathe and the panic set in fast. Except she couldn't even lift her hands. She was frozen, solid and unmoving.
She couldn't scream even if she'd wanted to.
And then light spiraled down through the darkness and it was white and yet every color she could imagine. It filled her eyes - and then filled the rest of her. Air poured back into her lungs and she pulled it in with gasping, greedy sounds. The color faded away but the white light above her remained and she was slowly aware of the fact that she was lying on her back. And that her body ached. And felt heavy.
Her mouth tasted stale.
Nearby she heard Mace's voice, felt a touch on skin that felt far to sensitive and it made her smile weakly, face feeling tight and leathery.
And then, off to the side and a little ahead of her, she heard a high pitched, continuous alarm start. There was the sound of sudden furniture crashing and someone was suddenly shouting. It was a voice she didn't recognize… but she understood what the words meant.
"Shit - shit, NO! Shit - White - ! He's flat-lining! Do something - !"
Author/Artist: TamLin
Setting: Final Fantasy VII - gametimeish?
Rating: T
Summary: sometimes, choices have to be made. Sometimes - sacrifices do too. (dang, this took forEVER!)
There was - a lot of guilt. She hadn't expected to see her fiancée before she got out of the game - though maybe she should have known he'd come in if he could - but when she'd seen him, she'd known that she had to apologize. Then, right then, and not put it off and be a coward and wait until the situation was 'right'.
She'd owned him a lot of apologies.
For so much more than just the things she'd done with her avatar.
He'd been - he'd been himself. Sweet and concerned, calm and kind. Worried more about her than himself and patient with her as she'd stumbled through everything she'd known she had to say. Of course he had been. She wouldn't have gotten engaged to someone that would be uncomfortable to live with later on.
So he'd been calm and kind and promised that, when she was out of this, they'd talk seriously about things. She knew he thought that she might have gotten too caught up in the game but he'd never dismiss her concerns.
The guilt was a dull gnawing ache in her stomach still. Strangely though, the relief was lighter in her chest. She hadn't expected the chance to talk to her fiancée so soon - but she was so very grateful that she'd gotten the chance. It had let her say everything she'd wanted to say.
To her fiancée. Her eyes trailed upward and focused on Cloud's face.
She was really only halfway done with the things she needed to say. Her eyes shifted back to the passing scenery and she frowned to herself. What she had to say to Cloud was somehow more difficult than what she'd had to say to her fiancée. She still wasn't sure how she was going to say it right.
"Don't."
His voice was soft and she tipped her face to look back up at him. Somehow, not all that surprised he seemed to be reading her mind again. His arm was around her to support her and his glove on her arm rubbed lightly. He didn't look down at her though.
"You're thinking too hard. Don't. There'll be plenty of time for that once this is over. Do what you have to do now and deal with the emotions when you're safe and sound back in the real world."
There was something in the way he said it that sounded as if it was advice he'd given before. There was something in the way he said it that sounded like -
"You say that like you know it from experience."
His eyes blinked and for a minute, just a minute, she wondered what had been in that blue before he'd sealed it away with the flicker of lashes and thin skin. Voice low, he simply answered:
"Yes."
Silent, she promised herself that, when they did make it out of this, she was going to pin him down and ask all the questions she knew it wasn't safe to bring up now. Under them, the chocobo ran on tirelessly. She looked down - and then back up at him.
"I'm not sorry." She said it before she lost her nerve, blurting it but determined. Cloud made a listening noise and tipped his face just enough to slant a glance down at her. She shook her head, wishing they were facing each other so that she could really see his eyes and watch his face. She felt as if she were missing half a conversation this way.
"I'm not sorry," she repeated. "Not for my part in this game. I'm glad I've been a part of it. I'm glad it's challenged me to think. And - " she lifted her eyes to his as he watched her. "I'm glad I met you."
"Tifa..."
It was a soft warning and she saw it in his eyes, saw both the longing and the way the barriers went up. And she realized she'd seen that combination before from him - and that it felt as if she'd known that combination for a long, long time. She knew she was doing this all wrong but she needed to say it. Stubborn, she plowed on.
"It's true. I'm glad I met you. You've challenged me and - I'm glad. I hadn't realized how long I'd been drifting and letting decisions make themselves for me. How much I was letting the world happen around me and not doing anything about it. So - thank you. For waking me up."
"Tifa," his voice was a little bit firmer this time and blue eyes slanted down at her from where she peeked up at him. Around her, his arm tightened. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You can tell me all of this when we wake up out of the tubes back in the real world. Don't - don't do this now. Okay? We'll have time later. I promise."
She frowned up at him, not sure why he wouldn't let her finish. Because she wasn't done. She couldn't - she couldn't push though. Not when he asked her not to that way. Instead she sighed and intentionally slumped a little. So he'd know she was giving in but wasn't happy about it. It felt - strange - and… nice to be able to do that, and know that he would understand - and know that he would know she was doing it on purpose. His chin came down to tuck against the top of her head briefly and he hugged her a little tighter to him.
"Don't do that to me, Tifa. You know I don't like disappointing you."
Tucked into him the way she was, she couldn't lift her face to look at him. Because - he was right. She did know that. She just wasn't sure she was supposed to.
"Cloud?" she asked it softly and heard him grunt above her to show he was listening. "Can we talk? I mean - after this? When we wake up, things are going to be crazy for a while, aren't they? Even after we get out and we're safe and the terrorists aren't a problem anymore, the company is going to want to keep up busy and the news is going to want to talk to us and our families and - " she paused when he didn't insert or disagree with her. Hunching a little more into him, voice small, she asked:
"Will you make time to talk to me?"
It was silent for what felt like a very long held breath and then he exhaled. And she noticed it shook. His arm shifted to wrap around her more completely, pulling her closer into the curve of his body. And it was a long time before he finally mumbled:
"Sure."
She ducked her chin.
"You mean it?"
"If you still want to talk to me when this is all over - I mean it."
"Cloud…" she had to pause and wet her lips. "Is there a reason I wouldn't want to?"
Lifting his head to stare straight ahead again, everything about him said the conversation was done. His arm tightened around her a little bit more though and, to her, it felt as if he was afraid. He still answered her though, even if it was only:
"Yes."
Dealing with children - and their parents - Tifa had learned when pushing would only make someone shut down and clam up and when not pushing gave them room to come back to answering - so she didn't push now. Even if the way his voice had sounded on that 'yes'… she wondered what he'd done that was so terrible in his life that he thought she was going to run screaming from him when she found out who he was…
She wondered if she'd want to run screaming - and wasn't sure what she would do if she did.
Instead, hesitant but sure, she shifted against him until he'd loosened his grip enough and then she freed her arm to slip it around him, tucking back in close. Because - he felt so alone - and she didn't want him to feel that way.
She didn't want him to be that way.
The glow came into view before Fort Condor actually did and when they got close to the mountain, they could see why. There was a giant bird on top of the mountain and it was as bright as a small, gold moon. It washed the landscape as they got closer, tinting everything so that the greens were greener and the reds were muted. The air itself looked hazy gold. Sitting in front of Cloud, Tifa couldn't help but sit up a little straighter and she could feel the way even the chocobos moved a little faster and lighter. Nearby, hanging onto Aerith tightly, Barret whistled.
"We shoulda come here first all along."
Cloud's gloved hands shifted on the reins, holding them tighter.
"Keep your eyes open. Just because we're not supposed to be here doesn't mean that the computer didn't leave a few random surprises just in case."
It tensed up the entire group and stole some of the lazy warmth out of the day - but it was true and Tifa turned her head to watch to the side and slightly behind them, knowing Cloud would have to keep most of his attention toward the front if he were guiding the chocobo.
The air still felt warm and slightly syrupy in her lungs as she breathed it.
They reached the cave entrance without incident however and somehow that just made them more nervous instead of less. So when Cloud pulled his chocobo to a stop and hopped off after handing Tifa the reins, Barret was already scrambling down to join him without being asked. Red all but fell off of his chocobo but both he and the bird looked relieved. Cloud shot both of them an arch look, eyebrow raised but he nodded. With a gesture toward the remaining team, he started silently forward and the other two fell in behind him. The darkness of the cave swallowed them soon after.
Tifa realized how much she hated being left behind.
"Teef?" Jessie's voice was low even though there didn't seem to be anyone within hearing range and Tifa realized that both her and Aerith were watching her. Waiting for instructions. She'd forgotten she was the default leader when Cloud wasn't there. Some of her tension must have fed down into the bird under her because it shifted restlessly on the gravel path, long claws raking trails as it scratched. Tifa reached out to scratch under the feathers behind its cheek and kept her voice calm and quiet.
"We stay on the birds. Keep them ready just in case we have to leave in a hurry." She offered a tight smile, hoping it was reassuring. "It'll be fine."
Aerith was also stroking her bird's neck and watching the cave with a tight face but Jessie was looking at the surrounding area.
"I can't believe it's almost over," she murmured and then looked at Tifa and offered a weak smile. "I mean, it feels like we - belong here, you know? It's going to be weird to go back to the real me and not be carrying a gun across my back." Reaching up absently, she touched her bandana. "I'm going to miss my hair. I like this hair better than my own."
"I'll fix your hair," Aerith startled them both by speaking up and when they looked at her, she looked embarrassed and away at the cave entrance again. Her shoulder shrugged. "It's not that hard. A little bit to strip it, a little bit of dye and some hot oil to make it soft. We can even put some curl in it."
"Really?" Jessie sounded pleased and Tifa knew it was as much from the fact that Aerith was offering as what Aerith was offering. Still looking a little awkward, Aerith looked at the other girl and offered a shy smile.
"Sure."
Red padded out of the cave at that moment and sat down.
"Cloud says I am to tell you 'clear'. And that your 'spiky headed, annoying' friend is there as well, Tifa. He says to leave the 'giant chickens' and come."
It made Tifa smile and she slipped off of the chocobo without hesitation. Cloud was using phrases that sounded like himself so they'd know Red wasn't being tricked or forced. Even though it was only a computer generation, Tifa gave her bird one last stroke and dropped the reins so it would stay put. Jessie and Aerith joined her and together they followed Red as he padded back into the cave.
It grew dark and finally Red paused just before it grew too dark to continue. Again, he sat down and Tifa finally realized that that was his way of showing that he was relaxed and that everything was okay. Jessie, she noticed, still rested her hand on his head and he didn't seem to mind.
"Wait. It will go dark and then light again," Red instructed. "It is the game moving to the next scene."
True to his word, that was what happened next and it was disorientating. A bit like the save point she'd used back when this really had been just a game. Hesitant, not sure her voice would carry, Tifa said:
"This is the way it was supposed to be for new areas, wasn't it? This is still part of the original game."
"Yes," Red's voice answered in the black. "This part is still uncorrupted. It is - a bit of a shock."
There was a flicker of color in front of her and then the light came back, revealing the end of the cave and a homey looking common room beyond, lit with firelight and candles. The floor was hard packed earth and most of the furniture looked crude. She saw several new figures moving around inside it and as she followed Red through the entrance she realized that they were mannequins. The computer generated fill-ins for real avatars that she hadn't seen since - Midgar. Even the family on the farm had been too detailed. These were obviously just secondary characters mass created by a computer, with the dull eyes, same body build and voice tone and limited cycle of movement, following preprogrammed loops.
It was - jarring. And it made her wonder how she could have found the computer's environment so realistic before. Even the earth floor under her looked too… uniform. Looking up she caught Cloud watching her from where he was standing next to an old man and the smile he gave her was quiet and a little wry. It made her feel better and she inhaled and nodded. The old man turned from Cloud and looked at the women with glass eyes. And cracked:
"Took ya long enough, babe. Mace was about to send outta search party for ya'."
"Swift!" it was ridiculous how happy she was to hear his voice again and she ran over to throw her arms around him in a hug.
"Hey, hey, babe, watch the PDA. This old man's made of match sticks." It was a protest - but she felt the way he hugged her back and she knew he was possibly even more relieved to see her than she was to see him. She exhaled contentment and then let go of him. Cloud was there for her to thump unexpectedly back into. She was learning enough about him to know it wasn't accidental as his hand found her hip and curved there.
"So now that we're all here, it's just step into the save point and go?"
Cloud's question sounded suspicious and Tifa knew the feeling. After everything else that had gone on, and how hard they'd had to fight - they were really going to just waltz calmly out of the game like that? The old man's bony shoulders shrugged.
"Well, we can totally play a vicious game of tiddlywinks to the death if you want before that," Swift straight-faced. "But White says that he's locked it down to the Condor save point and he's yankin' from there." The old man's face somehow managed to sober. "Hey, we're not sayin' it's all cake-walk." His eyes found Tifa's. "We're jury-riggin' this. It's not the safe expulsion. Computer's corrupted and we ain't got no docs or medics or nothin' on standby. White says it's the best he can pull and I believe him. But there's still a risk somethin' could go wrong and brain fry you. You wanna wait here, White's got the area reinforced so it should be safe for a little while after they realize you're not in Junon. Maybe the cops'll have the jerks running this program by then and we can pull you all out safer." His eyes shifted to take in the rest of the group. "This is the emergency exit on the plane, gang. When it's still in the air. We'll do our best no matter what you guys decide."
Cloud's arm tightened around Tifa a little more but he didn't volunteer anything. She thought she knew what that meant. He'd already made up his mind and he wasn't going to influence anyone else. But she wondered what he'd decided.
"I will go," Red took a step forward. "If I make it safely to the other side, you may tell the others here so and they may come after me."
Swift was already shaking his head though.
"We're gonna rip a hole in the world when we send you. Everyone in the system is going to know - and that virus is going to come down like a hammer. White says it's a one-time shot. Everyone who goes goes together and then we evac the rest of you because all hell's gonna come down on this place once we crack it."
"Figures," Barret muttered under his breath and then he straightened his shoulders and pulled in a deep breath. "Okay, count me in on the away team. Those losers in charge of the virus can't use us as threats or bargaining chips if we ain't here anymore. I'll take my chances with this White guy instead."
Cloud made an almost silently amused sound behind Tifa but didn't offer anything else. Aerith dusted off the sides of her dress.
"Well, it's not as if there's anything left to win. Let's go home."
And then, expectant, she looked at Cloud. He turned his head to look at Jessie. Who gave him a weak smile and shrugged.
"I was supposed to die anyway back at the beginning. I'll go with Red."
Tifa felt the focus on her. Another decision to be made, another fork in the road of her life she needed to pick. She was done letting expectations determine what she did. She lifted her face to look at Cloud.
"And I'll go where you do."
"Tifa - " it was an exhale and sounded torn. She shook her head at him and linked her fingers through his.
"I'm not letting you decide what happens to me. I'm deciding to back you up if you decide to stay. If you want to fight, we'll fight it together. We can help each other."
Somehow she was already expecting, almost hoping for it, when his arms suddenly closed around her and he pulled her back into the curve of his body, shifting forward to press his face into her hair. And she smiled, turning her head to press her face into his hair. Sure of her decision the way she hadn't been sure of anything for a long time.
Cloud lifted his head but his embrace didn't relax.
"We all go," he told Swift and the old man nodded. Then he held up a hand and cocked his head for a long moment, listening. Another nod and he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Save point's in that room. Everyone hang on to each other and hop in at the same time. White says it's cranked and now's the now."
Cloud nodded and let go, face tight and controlled. His voice was calm and just as controlled.
"All right. You heard the man. Let's do this."
No one needed to be told twice and Tifa paused just long enough to give Swift another hug.
"It'll be okay," she told him in a whisper against his ear. "You'll see. Whatever happens, it'll be okay."
"Babe, it better be okay or I'm gutting that White guy myself," he growled back and gave her one last squeeze before letting her go so she could catch up with the others. Cloud was waiting by the open door for her and he caught her arm as she started to duck past.
"You can forgive me later," his voice was a gravel rumble and then he brought his lips down over hers like fire.
The squeaking noise slipped out and her eyes went huge in her face. It wasn't just a quick peck though, Cloud was intent on being thorough.
It wasn't a tease to distract her. It wasn't a move to show the other men in the room who was claiming first interest in her. It wasn't even a goodbye or 'for luck'. Instead it was - Tifa tasted desperation. And longing and tightly chained need. And despair. And all of them tore through her heart - and maybe she should have stopped him - but it was the last one that had her winding her arms around his wide shoulders and relaxing into him, mouth softening for his. Later forgiveness must have earned him a great deal because Cloud took advantage of her response, arms wrapping her closer and shifting to cradle her as he tipped her the little bit under him. The kiss went hot liquid oil and he wasn't interested in being polite or respecting her personal space. His tongue traced her bottom lip, swamping her with heat and the sensation and she knew better - and parted her lips for him anyway.
It was a great deal like drowning… and realizing that you could breath underwater and why hadn't you started doing that years ago. When their lips finally parted for that precious air, she was gasping and flushed and felt shivery and warm at the same confusing time. While she was still trying to reorient, Cloud took her hand and pulled her into the room - and she felt a vague resentment that he seemed to be able to do that without having his knees give out the way she felt like hers were about to.
The others were waiting around the save point and Tifa kept her eyes down to avoid the looks she knew were on their faces. Jessie caught her other hand though and she snuck a glance at the other woman to find her grinning like a fool. Ridiculously - it made Tifa want to grin that way as well.
So, so much she needed to set right once she was back in her own body…
Cloud's voice counted it down.
"Three, two, one - "
At the last, Tifa took the step forward, felt the tug from both Jessie and Cloud's hands as they did as well. The save point expanded into gold light and she felt the familiar tingle run over and through her that she'd felt when she'd used the save point in Midgar. Vaguely, she could see the forms of the others and she had time to count them and make sure they were all there just before the world seemed to very literally tear open. The light ripped down its seams, being striped away as impossible, bottomless darkness poured in. Tifa had to time realize that she was gasping in air as if she were about to fall into water and then the ice cold feeling hit her hard. Everything seemed to freeze and she realized in horror that she couldn't inhale. Or exhale. She couldn't breathe and the panic set in fast. Except she couldn't even lift her hands. She was frozen, solid and unmoving.
She couldn't scream even if she'd wanted to.
And then light spiraled down through the darkness and it was white and yet every color she could imagine. It filled her eyes - and then filled the rest of her. Air poured back into her lungs and she pulled it in with gasping, greedy sounds. The color faded away but the white light above her remained and she was slowly aware of the fact that she was lying on her back. And that her body ached. And felt heavy.
Her mouth tasted stale.
Nearby she heard Mace's voice, felt a touch on skin that felt far to sensitive and it made her smile weakly, face feeling tight and leathery.
And then, off to the side and a little ahead of her, she heard a high pitched, continuous alarm start. There was the sound of sudden furniture crashing and someone was suddenly shouting. It was a voice she didn't recognize… but she understood what the words meant.
"Shit - shit, NO! Shit - White - ! He's flat-lining! Do something - !"