I don't even know, you guys.

[kitsune13]

So! More Glee fic from me. It's a sickness, I'm telling you.

Title: The Map is Not the Territory
Author: Catja Mikhailovic/kitsune13
Pairing: Will/Rachel
Rating: NC-17
Length: 8,700
Spoilers: Through 1.18 “Laryngitis,” but set some time after that.
Summary: To make him look forward to seeing her: that’s an achievable goal, she thinks.

Notes:

Comments

[kitsune13]

I have spent all day trying to come up with something more coherent than "HOLY SHIT andbless_mybaby LIKES MY FIC OMG OMG OMG." I can't even *begin* to express my gratitude for this amazing comment, especially coming from such a brilliant writer as yourself. you liked my puck EEEEEE!

I am so, so glad Rachel's sexual awakening worked for you. That was a HUGE part of what I was trying to get across. I always wondered why, in "Ballads," she didn't take the obvious step and try and seduce him, as she did with Finn. Instead she skipped straight over the sex, and instead showed up at his house for some kind of crazy domestic-bliss fantasy, and was happy to let his WIFE boss her around. I mean, after he sang "Don't Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl" -- both of which are openly songs about mutual, forbidden attraction, and really the first time in the ep that actual *physical* desire is on the table (it's also the only time that they touch, and HE touches HER)-- the obvious next step would be for her to engineer some kind of romantic scene. But she didn't.

So I went with the idea that her crush back then wasn't about sex, per se, and she wasn't really ready for it. But then, as they get closer, she really, really starts to feel it -- and it's almost too big for her. I really wanted to capture how terrifying that desire can be, especially for someone who so desperately needs to be in control. God, I am so glad that came across for you -- what you said, about the discomfort and the hyperawareness and the needing to cling to every second, that was EXACTLY what I was going for.

And oh wow, I love that you read Rachel as just a bit creepy, because yes, I think she is, a little -- not because she's malicious or anything, but she is, as you said, very single-minded, and she dissects everything, and analyzes everything in terms of the benefit to herself and damn the consequences. I didn't want to do a fluffy "Everything is WONDERFUL!!!" romance, and I also didn't want to write a story with lots of handwringing about "OMG SO WRONG." I mean, it IS wrong, and it only happens at all because Rachel is obsessive and lonely and Will is a complete fucking wreck. But at the same time, they are really, really well suited in so many ways.

And the thing I've always loved most about their relationship on the show is that Rachel really, *really* does not consider him to have any authority over her, and that he's come to accept and accommodate that. He theoretically has the power, but every time he's tried to enforce it, things have gone very, very wrong, because Rachel simply refuses to buy it. I really think that she considers herself his full equal, and that his position of authority is just some annoying technicality that is only of relevance to others, and certainly doesn't apply to her. And Will, well, he half-believes it himself. :D And that's what I wanted to come out in the story, and it makes me so happy that that's what you saw. He was able to reject her last time, because he was married, had a baby on the way, and already had an adoring woman waiting in the wings -- but now, that's all gone, and he has zero defenses, and Rachel is till, well, Rachel. *g*

I am going to go run around the house and squeal some more, just like I've been doing since I saw your comment. :D Thank you so much -- you are seriously amazing. <3333333333333