Foxx hunt
This is my first PPC story of Agents Drake and Naomi, and also my very first public story. I do hope my story adheres to PPC canon and you will enjoy it. After a very long time of working in spurts on the story, over a month, I am pleased to finally announce the first mission.
Disclaimer: I do not own the PPC. This fic is a spin-off of Jay and Acacia’s "Protectors of the Plot Continuum". Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto. To repeat, I do not own Naruto, nor the concept of the PPC. I was given permission to do this spin-off though. I do not own The Tale of the Black Nine Tails.
Title: Foxx hunt
The fic I am PPCing is The Tale of the Black Nine Tails and can be found there.
Agent Naomi was in her Response Center jotting down ideas for a fic and waiting for her new partner to arrive. She was curious about her latest partner, having been told by the Sunflower Official that he was new to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. She was curious as to how he would adapt to the way the PPC operated.
Naomi jotted down her ideas, racking her brain for a good plot. A tension seemed to fill the air, and it seemed as if some presence was watching her like a cat would, waiting for the right moment to pounce. An inspiration suddenly struck her, and she lowered her pen to write down her idea.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
Naomi sighed, getting up from her chair. Most likely, the person knocking was her new partner, who she was eager to meet. The Laws of Narrative Comedy had struck once again. Naomi often suspected that Upstairs used the Laws of Narrative Comedy to keep the agents in a killing mood. Her line of thought was interrupted by another knock on her door.
“I was instructed by Upstairs to meet new partner here,” came a voice from outside the Response Center. It sounded a bit odd to Naomi, although she did not know exactly why.
“Come on in.”
. The door opened, and in came a medium sized panda bear. Naomi stared at the panda, then she looked again at her new partner, when she realized that the panda bear was actually a stuffed toy. She was curious as to the reddish fox tail that showed from behind the other agent’s legs at times.
Her new partner peeked his head around the panda, looked around, then headed straight for a corner. He used a foot to clear away some of the junk there and dropped the stuffed toy down. Naomi stared at her partner. He was different from her last partner. Although he was dressed in the typical black clothing of Assassins, and wearing a cactus patch on his shoulder, he was not human at all. Naomi could best describe her new partner as a humanoid fox.
“I’m Drake. Are you Naomi? Those weird talking flowers told me come here and meet my new partner.”
Naomi was both puzzled and excited. Her new partner had finally arrived. That was great. She was also curious as to what he was, and also the most important issue, what his lust objects were.
“Yes. I am Naomi. I was wondering when you would arrive. May I ask who your Lust Objects are? A mission could come anytime.”
Drake removed his backpack he was carrying, and place it on the floor and stretched himself. “Well, there is …. ”
[BEEEEEEEEEEP]
Naomi muttered to herself. Silly rookies still made the mistake of getting comfortable, thus inviting the console to assign a mission.
Naomi hurried over to the console, Drake following her. Naomi acknowledged the mission and started going over the Words. It was a Naruto Mary Sue fic. She was interrupted by a growling close to her ear. Drake had read the Words and was showing some of the typical signs that a LO had been disturbed by the Sue. Naomi could tell by the way Drake’s ears had moved back, and his tail which had begun twitching was also stating his anger.
Naomi did brief scan of the Words, noticed the grammar mistakes and grimaced. As a goodfic writer, or a wannabe, she really disliked easily spotted grammar and spelling mistakes. She turned to Drake, who had bared his teeth.
“Come on then. Let’s get ready to go. This is a demon fox Sue, we should be prepared. Here, catch. I believe we will need these. ”
Naomi tossed a Character Analysis Device to Drake, and put on her backpack she had already packed while waiting. She then glided over to a locked box and unlocked it. She reached in and removed a belt with several vials, relocked the box and stalked in a predatory fashion back to the console
She saw that Drake had already packed away the CAD. She tossed him two double bladed kunai she had picked up on the way back.
“I think you will enjoy these.”
Drake managed to catch them before they dropped all the way to the floor, grinned, then packed them away.
“Thanks, but I already have a pair of nice weapons.”
Naomi activated the portal, set the disguises, grabbed the Remote Activator and stepped through the portal and into the fic with Drake following close behind her.
In a fog filled area , a portal formed. Naomi and Drake emerged, both disguised as random ninja. Naomi quickly covered her ears.
"Drake, cover your ears, quickly" she warned.
Drake was startled but complied, although he was a little late. Suddenly, from nowhere, a voice boomed:
Black Nine tailed Demon Fox. People vote for who you want Foxx to end with, Ita or Sasu? Or you want her to die with liking both? Please vote.
Don't own Naruto.
Once it was over, both Agents lowered their hands from their ears. Drake shook his head. The voice had been very loud and penetrating. Meanwhile, Naomi had removed pen and paper from her bag and started writing furiously.
"No clear disclaimer. Also, it could mean that the reader should not own Naruto. Also, the name is definitely not Japanese, and not very original. Foxx, I mean, can you be even more obvious? It would be like calling myself Assassin."
Naomi brightened suddenly and shouted out "Whatever they vote for, number three is going to happen!!"
Drake asked Naomi, “What was that? “
Naomi was reading the words at the moment. “Author’s Notes. They are always loud, and - POV SHIF…”
Naomi’s warning was a bit late, as suddenly,
”I was young around one. Someone found me after nii-san’s attack. I was
small
and friendly at that time when we all would be able to be happy. I was
called Kit often but my real Name Is Foxx. Brought up by the Uchiha
clan I
was working constantly just to keep up. I was different. People treated
me as dirt but I ignored it in front of people but cried when I was alone.
It was painful to watch people just glare at you. Sometimes I would have
instinct problems like one time I almost killed another student because
he picked a fight with me. I was against fighting. Until that day”
Drake was not prepared for the shift and felt sick, and he was unable to stay on his feet.
Naomi sighed at her partner. Rookies, they couldn’t stand such shifts as well as veteran agents. The time and location shift had not dumped them in the Uchiha manor, but outside. As Drake recovered, Naomi scanned their surrounding. They had ended up outside of the Uchiha Mansion, which was both good and bad for although the two Agents would be unable to spot what was going on inside, the Sue would not be able to locate them either.
Naomi read the Words, and stared at them. She could not believe her eyes! Foxx was apparently an Uchiha, had witnessed the Uchiha massacre, and had somehow survived. After that, she was given her own trainer and her own apartment, despite that in the Canon, Sasuke, the sole surviving Uchiha in Konoha did not get a trainer. She fingered her shuriken, and thought about embedding them somewhere in Foxx’s body.
“Unbelievable. She is more lucky than Naruto or Sasuke, and yet the author calls this her life going from upside down to broken. And she is setting up an angsty past, and she believes that her powers are a curse. Bloody typical Sue.”
Drake managed to snap out past his anger, “She seems to be like Naruto. Can we put that down? Please? I dislike Sues who emulate him. Don’t they realize who he is?”
Naomi looked at her partner. He was holding a weird weapon in either hand. Naomi was curious, not so sure she was seeing right. The weapons looked like very modified sporks.
Naomi stared, interested in her partner’s choice of weapons, then glanced back at the Words. “Look at the Words now. Ah, here we go when Foxx wakes up and discovers that most of the Uchiha clan is dead.”
Drake looked as well, and started to growl at the description. Foxx had black fox ears with red tips, a red tipped tail and red eyes, which Drake figured was something special, even in the Naruto verse. That, and she was fox-like, and he did not like Mary Sues that were fox-like. He stabbed the air in front of him with his weapons, his hackles were raised, and hew was filled with the typical anger of the enraged PPC agent.
Naomi frowned even more when Fox went about looking at the dead body. She was not even scared, it seemed. Her frown became a scowl when Foxx shook the body.
“What? How can she shake the body if she did not go over to it? The part with Itachi is okay, I guess, but, after that? What happened? And she is such a typical Sue. I am sure she will be searching for powerful weapons of the countries later on. Come on Drake. Let’s portal ahead. I am not so sure if you can handle the shifts coming up. Besides, I've already got the charges for everything that happens in the meantime."
Naomi brought out the RA and activated it, opening a portal which both agents stepped through. Naomi and Drake looked around, then ducked behind a conveniently placed obstacle as Foxx appeared, wear a black plastic garbage bag, a red cloak with outlines of pants on it, and a shiny headband collar.
Drake stared, then grinned and commented to Naomi, “A baggy? Ah, so that what it looks like.”
“Hush, there is someone with her. Check her with the CAD, Drake, and watch the volume.”
Drake unpacked his CAD and pointed it at the unknown female.
[BIP. Maria. Non canon. Bit character]
“A support character. We have to wait to kill her as she has further parts, Drake, but don’t worry, we will kill them both, and any other non-canon characters that are spawned. And the name is not Japanese. It is European and so not canonical. Dear Eru, why can’t they get the names correct for their location?”
Drake watched , then growled when he heard what the bit character said next.
“You gotta take the Chuuin exam in a couple of weeks!”
“What? Come on, why do you think they will take the Chuunin exam? And if Foxx is not the teacher, then that means that Team Seven is now a four Gennin team, which is wrong.”
Drake dropped to all fours, intending to sneak up on the Sue. What happened instead was Naomi smacking him on the head with her notebook.
“Hey, we can’t kill her yet. We have to wait. So, we can add CHANGING STRUCUTRE OF GENIN TEAMS to the charge list. ”
Drake cleared his head and looked closer at Maria, startled by what he saw.
“Hey, Naomi, why does she look like that?”
Maria was odd, having blonde and brown hair with cat eyes in it. Her dress was also odd, as she had a cap worn backwards, sneakers, a red rectangle device on her belt, five small red and white balls on her belt as well, and a larger red and white ball in her right hand.
Naomi looked at the words. The cat eyed hair was easily explained thanks to a missing comma.
A Girl with blonde and brown hair with cat eyes chased after Foxx.
The outfit confused Naomi, until she realized that she must be the personal Trainer of Foxx. Apparently a personal Trainer was a kind of Pokemon Trainer, instead of a personal trainer.
“I can not believe the bad wording, although it does make sense. She is basically a Ninetales. I mean, they don’t take the time to put in commas and look at what happens. Impossible biology occurs, although since this is Naruto, it is possible, although unlikely. I mean, we have a shark guy, so a girl with the fox ears and tails is possible, but it is unlikely for a normal character.”
Naomi sighed and took some Bleeprin. She truly hated bad grammar, although Bleeprin was a great reliever of that pain. Naomi downed more Bleeprin when Maria summoned Kakashi using a “Valume of Make out Paradise”, whatever that was. That went on the charge list, then
“Kakashi my student.” Said Maria.
Naomi stared long and hard then turned around, and began to beat her head against her thick notebook. Her Lust Object was Kakashi, and she needed to clear her head before she made the rookie mistake of trying to kill Foxx now
Drake stared at his partner, wondering why she was beating her head instead of trying to gnaw off a limb to escape, then he remembered that Naomi was human, not fox. Oh well, he thought and pulled out his own notebook and wrote down the charge of CHANGING HISTORY and MAKING KAKASHI MARIA’S STUDENT as well as another charge of CHANGING HISTORY.”
The two agents watched as the introduction scene occurred. It was okay, although the parts of the other members of Team Seven were ignored, which earned her the charges of IGNORING OTHERS and the charge of NOT STATING SPECIFFICALLY WHAT HAPPENED.
“She’s an Uchiha massacre survivor? Which one, although that can’t be right. Both survivors are male and she is female. I tell you Drake, I really dislike Suethors who mess up canon like this. And look, she is claiming she saw Sasuke die. Nice try, Miss Nine Tails, but since you had a person to train you, you should have known that Sasuke was still alive. ”
“Say, Naomi, what happened before she arrived? I read the manga, but should she not at least mention what happened before? “
“You’re right. But we already have that charge. I do want t check something.”
Naomi grabbed her CAD and aimed it at Kakashi .
[BEEEEEEEP! KAkashi. Human Male. OOC: 65.00013%. RED ALERT. CHARACTER RUPTURE IMMINENT.]. Naomi quickly muffled it. “65.0013% for Kakashi. Not good at all. “
Next, Naomi aimed it at Naruto.
[BEEEEEEEP! Uzuamaki Naruto. Human Male. OOC:6%].
It made sense, as Naruto was not the sharpest kunai at times.
Naomi glanced at Drake who seemed to be staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed, and muttering. “What, Foxx claims she was born like that. BORN LIKE THAT!! And she wears them in public? In Kohana, where it is very likely they would kill her, especially after the Kyuubi’s attack? Must KILL.”
Then a location and time shift kicked in, disorienting the agents as they were dragged through time and space to where the new Team Seven was escorting the bridge builder Tazuna to his village. Drake was once again hit with the pain of such a shift, while Naomi was also hit hard.
“Come on, Authoress, “ Naomi ranted up to the heavens, “Please warn us next time, at least for those readers who might not know or remember what happened?”
Drake was not feeling well, and so Naomi was required to watch the fight that occurred. The fight started out canonically, but changed when Kakashi was thrown into the air, Foxx was able to detect the poison by smelling it, and Foxx saved the day by knocking away one of the ninjas that was heading for Sakura and Tazuna.
“Canonical, and not canonical at the same time. Although in her favor, it is somewhat possible, so it does not warrant a charge, Drake. Although, her ability to sniff poison will hinder any plans to poison her.”
“ What is she, a dog? And she forgot about Naruto again. Why can’t they give him the respect he deserves?”
Naomi sighed once more as her partner got worked up over the insult to Naruto, who she guessed was one of his Lust Objects.
“Calm down. We don’t have enough charges yet, and it is only the first chapter. Calm down.”
Luckily for Foxx, Drake soon calmed down, although the evil grin he was wearing was not a nice one.
He yawned.
“Sorry, I’m tired. Mind if I sleep and you watch?”
Naomi was about to answer in the negative, when Foxx threw her tent up in the air instead of setting up.
“Nope, not yet. They are setting up camp; at least, I think they are. I mean, it is set up a tent, not threw it up. You set up a tent, not throw it up into the air. And let’s portal on to Zabazu’s attack. We’ll only miss Foxx and Sasuke talking. And a boat ride, which is best to skip. We would have nowhere to hide, and given her nose, I think she might smell your wet fur. And you might get to sleep later on”
That said, Naomi activated a portal, and pushing the yawning Drake in front of her, passed through it. Naomi watched as Naruto attacked a bush, Sakura yelled at him, Kakashi warned his team, Foxx ignored Kakashi’s orders, and Zabuuza arrived. A quick CAD scan of the characters showed that the canon Team Seven were about 40%, which was near a canon rupture.
She stared at the sword stuck to the tree. It wasn’t exactly natural to see a giant sword stuck in the tree with a man standing on it.
“Not natural? That is natural for Naruto. You are what is not natural.”
Naomi’s outraged shout reached Foxx, who swung her head around to locate the source of the noise, but Naomi had already ducked behind one of the trees.
Another time warp took place, skipping forward in the canon timeline to Kakashi was, trapped.
“No, no, no. You got the scene okay, but not what exactly happened. And its Justu, got it? “ Naomi was gnashing her teeth, very ticked by the bad spelling.
“Yes. Foxx got knocked out. And looks like time for chapter two.”
Silence greeted her. She looked around for her partner, but he was nowhere to be found. Naomi spotted her partner’s open backpack and headed over. Inside, she found a red colored fox curled up and sleeping peacefully. It was a nice, cute and a heartwarming sight to behold, fit to warm the heart of any normal person and make them let the fox continue to sleep.
Naomi grabbed the fox, and tossed him into the nearby lake. PPC agents were not normal people. A sputtering and soaking wet Drake rose from the lake where the fox had landed. Naomi stared, then shrugged.
“Come on Drake, let’s move. We’re going to portal past the first person view. I do not want to be stuck in Foxx’s head again if I can help it.”
Naomi opened the portal and stepped through, followed by the soggy and irritated Drake.
They arrived right at the point where the real Team Seven was reading a really complicated message from Foxx.
“That is silly. But then, she has nothing better to do, so I guess we do not have to charge that. But the author messed up again. Look, she made it fallow. ”
Sure enough, Team 7 had plowed and tilled the message as they fallowed it, not followed it.
Naomi looked at the words, and shuddered, and starting doodling in her notebook in an effort to block out the bad wording, while muttering “Punctuation. The right punctuation is needed or it does make sense at all. And we capitalize at the beginning of a new sentence. This is getting to be too much. And watch what you say. You just killed a canon character through the wording. And you must mean were, not where. And what is ‘unconfertable’? I think you mean uncomfortable. And it’s ‘I’m’, not ‘Im’. I doubt you are an instant message, although I wonder if that mith explain say so many sues.”
Foxx was bored until she heard a Foxx-chan!” she could tell it was Naruto and she ran at him. “naruto!” yelled Foxx to the boy. “can we go now? Please? Im unconfertable and- Sakura there’s a trap over there!” yelled Foxx. Sakura stopped dead were she was then a small alligator popped out trying to bite her foot.
Sure enough, Sakura stopped dead and an alligator tried to bite her foot, as Team Seven finally found Foxx.
Naomi looked on as Foxx raced into a house which appeared form nowhere, further bad grammar spoken by Naruto, and looked away from the Words and pulled out her emergency book from her backpack. Her emergency book was a paperback copy of Terry Pratchett’s Men at Arms, which she started to read. She had managed to read about a chapter before Drake broke in.
“Come on Naomi, let’s move on. Next part occurs in the night. So, portal?”
Naomi put away her book, and read the Words with a wary eye. “Definitely Portal, past that scene. I do not want to wait out here in the cold. She does rack up the charges of changing fox biology, as I doubt a normal fox is the size of two clenched fists, and CHANGING DEFINITION OF CANON MATERIAL. She becomes a nine tailed fox by using some kind of Beast Transformation. Although it is not called a Justu, so it might be okay, but still, it is changing canon. Beast Justu made Kiba more dog-like, and his dog Akamaru more human. ”
“What? Naomi, look at this. Fox flattened a spider using a frying pan, while she was in fox form, and in a bedroom. She is a small fox, as well as summoning the pan from nowhere. I doubt fox tails could hold up a frying pan. And she can talk while in fox form? I become a fox and I cannot talk. CHANGING BIOLOGY definitely has to go on the list. ”
Drake glanced at the words, then froze. He stalked over to a tree and banged his head one against the trunk before looking back at the words.
“No WAY! That is wrong. Very wrong. I’m killing her now and forget the rules. I can’t allow such an insult to stand.”
Drake stalked towards the house where Foxx was, growling, fur raised and tail swishing. He took four steps before suddenly deciding to take a nap instead. Naomi put down her backpack. She glanced over the words to see what had set Drake off on his rampage and quickly located it. It was not an official authors note, but it could be one.
(Foxes are a type of dog for those of you that think it is a cat)
“I can see why Drake wanted to kill you now, but we don’t have enough charges yet. We already have the biology charge, but we can get you with ANNOYING PPC AGENTS. Well, not many charges for a while, so I believe I can bring us to the Chuunin exams.”
Naomi opened a portal underneath Drake before jumping through herself.
They arrived in a flashback. They watched young Foxx interact with the young Sakura.
“Naomi, what happened here?”
“Flashback, although it was not clearly mentioned. And at five years old she learns the Beast Transformation? That might have been a charge if she was human, but since she is a demon fox, it is possible so it is unchargeable.”
Foxx showed off her new skill for Sasuke and Itachi, then,
“How come you have 5 tails?” asked Sasuke pulling one to see if it was fake but heard a whimper so he stopped. “I Don’t know…It kinda remember someone telling me that every year till I turn 9 I will continue to grow tails… (Usually its you grow one each 100 years but I’m doing it the other way --)
The author’s note was quieter than usual but it still was penetrating. Drake was upset. “What is the author thinking? Put down ignoring, no, slaughtering common sense, and knowingly changing the biology of Kitsune. ”
“I can put down the charge of SLAUGHTERING COMMON SENSE. We already have her for changing biology. Come on, lets skip ahead to the Chunnin exam.”
Foxx walked to the meeting place. “hey wheres Sakura?” asked Foxx. “She’s not coming.” Said Naruto down about it. “I think we’ll live…” Said Foxx walking through the doors.
Naomi broke down, and muttered various curse words about the Suethor.
“Why? Why? She just effectively replaced Sakura, which is so going on the charge list, and a good major canon breach we can get her. “
“Ah, Naomi, take a look at what has is happening with Lee.”
Indeed, even though Foxx had replaced Sakura, Lee was still in love with the female member of the sueized version of Team Seven, and was blowing kisses at Foxx, which she had dodged, although her comment was not nice.
“are you trying to kill me?” asked Foxx.
“Come on Drake, follow my lead.”
Foxx was ignoring the fight between Lee and Sasuke when two ninjas arrived and headed towards her. The kunoihci of the pair spoke first .
“Uchiha Foxx? We have something to tell you about in private, which is very important. “
“I can’t. I have to stay with my Team or they will fail the Chuunin Exam.”
The kunoihci sighed. “It concerns your brother. Please come with us.”
Foxx nodded and stood up and followed Naomi. Drake, with a confused expression, brought up the rear.
Foxx followed Naomi into an empty room, followed by Drake. Foxx was astonished and confused when Naomi locked the door, and was more than a little worried when she smelled the poison laced shuriken. Before she could react, the shuriken had hit her, and she fell to the floor paralyzed and weakened.
“The poison won’t kill you, Miss Uchiha Foxx, but it will let us our peace. We are from the PPC. You are charged with being a Mary Sue, committing various crimes and offences against the English language, messing up biology, altering canon, changing canon history, changing a canon justu, replacing a canon character for a canon event - in this case Sakura - slaughtering common sense, wearing a baggy, and annoying PPC agents.”
“You forgot to add you are charged with being fox-like.”
“"For these and other crimes, you are sentenced to death. Any last words, Foxx?”
When Naomi had finished, Foxx was back on her feet, although clearly not in the best condition.
“You can’t kill me. I’m the Kyuubi’s sis…”
With a growl of rage, Drake had flung himself at Foxx, and had attacked her. Naomi guarded the door, and watched in amazement as Drake and Foxx fought. Naomi looked on in amusement as Drake managed to gouge out one of Foxx's eyes with his combat spork. Naomi picked up and retrieved the eye as a souvenir. The fight soon turned into a fox-fight when both Agent and Sue went to animal form, which ended up with Drake lightly wounded, albeit covered in glittery Sue blood. Foxx had been torn to shreds. As Foxx died, canon rippled and returned to normal.
Naomi walked over to Drake and picked him up when he continued to shred Foxx’s remains.
“Enough Drake. Foxx is dead and canon is restored. Now change back, and then clean yourself.”
Drake changed back, and looked at the remains of Foxx, stilling growling. Then he turned, grabbed a bottle of mouth wash from his backpack and begun the process of cleaning his mouth. “Sues taste awful”
Naomi activated the RA, opening up a portal underneath the remains of Foxx sending them to Forest of Death. Naomi made sure Drake removed as much of the Sue blood as he could then opened up another portal to head back to HQ.
Naomi and Drake emerged in the response center. Drake sighed, and let his backpack slide off.
“I’m glad that was over. Foxx was annoying. I can rel…
The Console’s [BEEEEP] ] coincided with Naomi’s backpack hitting Drake in the head.
[A/N Drake: First mission, although Partner is deadly with a backpack. I can’t stand Sues that have to do with foxes or snakes. I don’t like snakes, and I don’t like when Sues disrespect foxes by being fox-like. ]
[A/N Naomi: It seems I have a rookie. Guess the odds are whether the Sues get him, or his partner. If I made a bet, I would put 5 bottle of Bleeprin on partner.]
[A/N Glossary:
A kunoichi is a female ninja in the Naruto verse.
Justu is a ninja technique which involves using charka to cause effects to happen. Handseals are usually required to activate Justus.
Kunai: fighting knife in the Naruto verse.
Chakra: combination of spiritual and physical energy.
THe badfic can be found here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2701441/1/ .
]
Disclaimer: I do not own the PPC. This fic is a spin-off of Jay and Acacia’s "Protectors of the Plot Continuum". Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto. To repeat, I do not own Naruto, nor the concept of the PPC. I was given permission to do this spin-off though. I do not own The Tale of the Black Nine Tails.
Title: Foxx hunt
The fic I am PPCing is The Tale of the Black Nine Tails and can be found there.
Agent Naomi was in her Response Center jotting down ideas for a fic and waiting for her new partner to arrive. She was curious about her latest partner, having been told by the Sunflower Official that he was new to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. She was curious as to how he would adapt to the way the PPC operated.
Naomi jotted down her ideas, racking her brain for a good plot. A tension seemed to fill the air, and it seemed as if some presence was watching her like a cat would, waiting for the right moment to pounce. An inspiration suddenly struck her, and she lowered her pen to write down her idea.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
Naomi sighed, getting up from her chair. Most likely, the person knocking was her new partner, who she was eager to meet. The Laws of Narrative Comedy had struck once again. Naomi often suspected that Upstairs used the Laws of Narrative Comedy to keep the agents in a killing mood. Her line of thought was interrupted by another knock on her door.
“I was instructed by Upstairs to meet new partner here,” came a voice from outside the Response Center. It sounded a bit odd to Naomi, although she did not know exactly why.
“Come on in.”
. The door opened, and in came a medium sized panda bear. Naomi stared at the panda, then she looked again at her new partner, when she realized that the panda bear was actually a stuffed toy. She was curious as to the reddish fox tail that showed from behind the other agent’s legs at times.
Her new partner peeked his head around the panda, looked around, then headed straight for a corner. He used a foot to clear away some of the junk there and dropped the stuffed toy down. Naomi stared at her partner. He was different from her last partner. Although he was dressed in the typical black clothing of Assassins, and wearing a cactus patch on his shoulder, he was not human at all. Naomi could best describe her new partner as a humanoid fox.
“I’m Drake. Are you Naomi? Those weird talking flowers told me come here and meet my new partner.”
Naomi was both puzzled and excited. Her new partner had finally arrived. That was great. She was also curious as to what he was, and also the most important issue, what his lust objects were.
“Yes. I am Naomi. I was wondering when you would arrive. May I ask who your Lust Objects are? A mission could come anytime.”
Drake removed his backpack he was carrying, and place it on the floor and stretched himself. “Well, there is …. ”
[BEEEEEEEEEEP]
Naomi muttered to herself. Silly rookies still made the mistake of getting comfortable, thus inviting the console to assign a mission.
Naomi hurried over to the console, Drake following her. Naomi acknowledged the mission and started going over the Words. It was a Naruto Mary Sue fic. She was interrupted by a growling close to her ear. Drake had read the Words and was showing some of the typical signs that a LO had been disturbed by the Sue. Naomi could tell by the way Drake’s ears had moved back, and his tail which had begun twitching was also stating his anger.
Naomi did brief scan of the Words, noticed the grammar mistakes and grimaced. As a goodfic writer, or a wannabe, she really disliked easily spotted grammar and spelling mistakes. She turned to Drake, who had bared his teeth.
“Come on then. Let’s get ready to go. This is a demon fox Sue, we should be prepared. Here, catch. I believe we will need these. ”
Naomi tossed a Character Analysis Device to Drake, and put on her backpack she had already packed while waiting. She then glided over to a locked box and unlocked it. She reached in and removed a belt with several vials, relocked the box and stalked in a predatory fashion back to the console
She saw that Drake had already packed away the CAD. She tossed him two double bladed kunai she had picked up on the way back.
“I think you will enjoy these.”
Drake managed to catch them before they dropped all the way to the floor, grinned, then packed them away.
“Thanks, but I already have a pair of nice weapons.”
Naomi activated the portal, set the disguises, grabbed the Remote Activator and stepped through the portal and into the fic with Drake following close behind her.
In a fog filled area , a portal formed. Naomi and Drake emerged, both disguised as random ninja. Naomi quickly covered her ears.
"Drake, cover your ears, quickly" she warned.
Drake was startled but complied, although he was a little late. Suddenly, from nowhere, a voice boomed:
Black Nine tailed Demon Fox. People vote for who you want Foxx to end with, Ita or Sasu? Or you want her to die with liking both? Please vote.
Don't own Naruto.
Once it was over, both Agents lowered their hands from their ears. Drake shook his head. The voice had been very loud and penetrating. Meanwhile, Naomi had removed pen and paper from her bag and started writing furiously.
"No clear disclaimer. Also, it could mean that the reader should not own Naruto. Also, the name is definitely not Japanese, and not very original. Foxx, I mean, can you be even more obvious? It would be like calling myself Assassin."
Naomi brightened suddenly and shouted out "Whatever they vote for, number three is going to happen!!"
Drake asked Naomi, “What was that? “
Naomi was reading the words at the moment. “Author’s Notes. They are always loud, and - POV SHIF…”
Naomi’s warning was a bit late, as suddenly,
”I was young around one. Someone found me after nii-san’s attack. I was
small
and friendly at that time when we all would be able to be happy. I was
called Kit often but my real Name Is Foxx. Brought up by the Uchiha
clan I
was working constantly just to keep up. I was different. People treated
me as dirt but I ignored it in front of people but cried when I was alone.
It was painful to watch people just glare at you. Sometimes I would have
instinct problems like one time I almost killed another student because
he picked a fight with me. I was against fighting. Until that day”
Drake was not prepared for the shift and felt sick, and he was unable to stay on his feet.
Naomi sighed at her partner. Rookies, they couldn’t stand such shifts as well as veteran agents. The time and location shift had not dumped them in the Uchiha manor, but outside. As Drake recovered, Naomi scanned their surrounding. They had ended up outside of the Uchiha Mansion, which was both good and bad for although the two Agents would be unable to spot what was going on inside, the Sue would not be able to locate them either.
Naomi read the Words, and stared at them. She could not believe her eyes! Foxx was apparently an Uchiha, had witnessed the Uchiha massacre, and had somehow survived. After that, she was given her own trainer and her own apartment, despite that in the Canon, Sasuke, the sole surviving Uchiha in Konoha did not get a trainer. She fingered her shuriken, and thought about embedding them somewhere in Foxx’s body.
“Unbelievable. She is more lucky than Naruto or Sasuke, and yet the author calls this her life going from upside down to broken. And she is setting up an angsty past, and she believes that her powers are a curse. Bloody typical Sue.”
Drake managed to snap out past his anger, “She seems to be like Naruto. Can we put that down? Please? I dislike Sues who emulate him. Don’t they realize who he is?”
Naomi looked at her partner. He was holding a weird weapon in either hand. Naomi was curious, not so sure she was seeing right. The weapons looked like very modified sporks.
Naomi stared, interested in her partner’s choice of weapons, then glanced back at the Words. “Look at the Words now. Ah, here we go when Foxx wakes up and discovers that most of the Uchiha clan is dead.”
Drake looked as well, and started to growl at the description. Foxx had black fox ears with red tips, a red tipped tail and red eyes, which Drake figured was something special, even in the Naruto verse. That, and she was fox-like, and he did not like Mary Sues that were fox-like. He stabbed the air in front of him with his weapons, his hackles were raised, and hew was filled with the typical anger of the enraged PPC agent.
Naomi frowned even more when Fox went about looking at the dead body. She was not even scared, it seemed. Her frown became a scowl when Foxx shook the body.
“What? How can she shake the body if she did not go over to it? The part with Itachi is okay, I guess, but, after that? What happened? And she is such a typical Sue. I am sure she will be searching for powerful weapons of the countries later on. Come on Drake. Let’s portal ahead. I am not so sure if you can handle the shifts coming up. Besides, I've already got the charges for everything that happens in the meantime."
Naomi brought out the RA and activated it, opening a portal which both agents stepped through. Naomi and Drake looked around, then ducked behind a conveniently placed obstacle as Foxx appeared, wear a black plastic garbage bag, a red cloak with outlines of pants on it, and a shiny headband collar.
Drake stared, then grinned and commented to Naomi, “A baggy? Ah, so that what it looks like.”
“Hush, there is someone with her. Check her with the CAD, Drake, and watch the volume.”
Drake unpacked his CAD and pointed it at the unknown female.
[BIP. Maria. Non canon. Bit character]
“A support character. We have to wait to kill her as she has further parts, Drake, but don’t worry, we will kill them both, and any other non-canon characters that are spawned. And the name is not Japanese. It is European and so not canonical. Dear Eru, why can’t they get the names correct for their location?”
Drake watched , then growled when he heard what the bit character said next.
“You gotta take the Chuuin exam in a couple of weeks!”
“What? Come on, why do you think they will take the Chuunin exam? And if Foxx is not the teacher, then that means that Team Seven is now a four Gennin team, which is wrong.”
Drake dropped to all fours, intending to sneak up on the Sue. What happened instead was Naomi smacking him on the head with her notebook.
“Hey, we can’t kill her yet. We have to wait. So, we can add CHANGING STRUCUTRE OF GENIN TEAMS to the charge list. ”
Drake cleared his head and looked closer at Maria, startled by what he saw.
“Hey, Naomi, why does she look like that?”
Maria was odd, having blonde and brown hair with cat eyes in it. Her dress was also odd, as she had a cap worn backwards, sneakers, a red rectangle device on her belt, five small red and white balls on her belt as well, and a larger red and white ball in her right hand.
Naomi looked at the words. The cat eyed hair was easily explained thanks to a missing comma.
A Girl with blonde and brown hair with cat eyes chased after Foxx.
The outfit confused Naomi, until she realized that she must be the personal Trainer of Foxx. Apparently a personal Trainer was a kind of Pokemon Trainer, instead of a personal trainer.
“I can not believe the bad wording, although it does make sense. She is basically a Ninetales. I mean, they don’t take the time to put in commas and look at what happens. Impossible biology occurs, although since this is Naruto, it is possible, although unlikely. I mean, we have a shark guy, so a girl with the fox ears and tails is possible, but it is unlikely for a normal character.”
Naomi sighed and took some Bleeprin. She truly hated bad grammar, although Bleeprin was a great reliever of that pain. Naomi downed more Bleeprin when Maria summoned Kakashi using a “Valume of Make out Paradise”, whatever that was. That went on the charge list, then
“Kakashi my student.” Said Maria.
Naomi stared long and hard then turned around, and began to beat her head against her thick notebook. Her Lust Object was Kakashi, and she needed to clear her head before she made the rookie mistake of trying to kill Foxx now
Drake stared at his partner, wondering why she was beating her head instead of trying to gnaw off a limb to escape, then he remembered that Naomi was human, not fox. Oh well, he thought and pulled out his own notebook and wrote down the charge of CHANGING HISTORY and MAKING KAKASHI MARIA’S STUDENT as well as another charge of CHANGING HISTORY.”
The two agents watched as the introduction scene occurred. It was okay, although the parts of the other members of Team Seven were ignored, which earned her the charges of IGNORING OTHERS and the charge of NOT STATING SPECIFFICALLY WHAT HAPPENED.
“She’s an Uchiha massacre survivor? Which one, although that can’t be right. Both survivors are male and she is female. I tell you Drake, I really dislike Suethors who mess up canon like this. And look, she is claiming she saw Sasuke die. Nice try, Miss Nine Tails, but since you had a person to train you, you should have known that Sasuke was still alive. ”
“Say, Naomi, what happened before she arrived? I read the manga, but should she not at least mention what happened before? “
“You’re right. But we already have that charge. I do want t check something.”
Naomi grabbed her CAD and aimed it at Kakashi .
[BEEEEEEEP! KAkashi. Human Male. OOC: 65.00013%. RED ALERT. CHARACTER RUPTURE IMMINENT.]. Naomi quickly muffled it. “65.0013% for Kakashi. Not good at all. “
Next, Naomi aimed it at Naruto.
[BEEEEEEEP! Uzuamaki Naruto. Human Male. OOC:6%].
It made sense, as Naruto was not the sharpest kunai at times.
Naomi glanced at Drake who seemed to be staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed, and muttering. “What, Foxx claims she was born like that. BORN LIKE THAT!! And she wears them in public? In Kohana, where it is very likely they would kill her, especially after the Kyuubi’s attack? Must KILL.”
Then a location and time shift kicked in, disorienting the agents as they were dragged through time and space to where the new Team Seven was escorting the bridge builder Tazuna to his village. Drake was once again hit with the pain of such a shift, while Naomi was also hit hard.
“Come on, Authoress, “ Naomi ranted up to the heavens, “Please warn us next time, at least for those readers who might not know or remember what happened?”
Drake was not feeling well, and so Naomi was required to watch the fight that occurred. The fight started out canonically, but changed when Kakashi was thrown into the air, Foxx was able to detect the poison by smelling it, and Foxx saved the day by knocking away one of the ninjas that was heading for Sakura and Tazuna.
“Canonical, and not canonical at the same time. Although in her favor, it is somewhat possible, so it does not warrant a charge, Drake. Although, her ability to sniff poison will hinder any plans to poison her.”
“ What is she, a dog? And she forgot about Naruto again. Why can’t they give him the respect he deserves?”
Naomi sighed once more as her partner got worked up over the insult to Naruto, who she guessed was one of his Lust Objects.
“Calm down. We don’t have enough charges yet, and it is only the first chapter. Calm down.”
Luckily for Foxx, Drake soon calmed down, although the evil grin he was wearing was not a nice one.
He yawned.
“Sorry, I’m tired. Mind if I sleep and you watch?”
Naomi was about to answer in the negative, when Foxx threw her tent up in the air instead of setting up.
“Nope, not yet. They are setting up camp; at least, I think they are. I mean, it is set up a tent, not threw it up. You set up a tent, not throw it up into the air. And let’s portal on to Zabazu’s attack. We’ll only miss Foxx and Sasuke talking. And a boat ride, which is best to skip. We would have nowhere to hide, and given her nose, I think she might smell your wet fur. And you might get to sleep later on”
That said, Naomi activated a portal, and pushing the yawning Drake in front of her, passed through it. Naomi watched as Naruto attacked a bush, Sakura yelled at him, Kakashi warned his team, Foxx ignored Kakashi’s orders, and Zabuuza arrived. A quick CAD scan of the characters showed that the canon Team Seven were about 40%, which was near a canon rupture.
She stared at the sword stuck to the tree. It wasn’t exactly natural to see a giant sword stuck in the tree with a man standing on it.
“Not natural? That is natural for Naruto. You are what is not natural.”
Naomi’s outraged shout reached Foxx, who swung her head around to locate the source of the noise, but Naomi had already ducked behind one of the trees.
Another time warp took place, skipping forward in the canon timeline to Kakashi was, trapped.
“No, no, no. You got the scene okay, but not what exactly happened. And its Justu, got it? “ Naomi was gnashing her teeth, very ticked by the bad spelling.
“Yes. Foxx got knocked out. And looks like time for chapter two.”
Silence greeted her. She looked around for her partner, but he was nowhere to be found. Naomi spotted her partner’s open backpack and headed over. Inside, she found a red colored fox curled up and sleeping peacefully. It was a nice, cute and a heartwarming sight to behold, fit to warm the heart of any normal person and make them let the fox continue to sleep.
Naomi grabbed the fox, and tossed him into the nearby lake. PPC agents were not normal people. A sputtering and soaking wet Drake rose from the lake where the fox had landed. Naomi stared, then shrugged.
“Come on Drake, let’s move. We’re going to portal past the first person view. I do not want to be stuck in Foxx’s head again if I can help it.”
Naomi opened the portal and stepped through, followed by the soggy and irritated Drake.
They arrived right at the point where the real Team Seven was reading a really complicated message from Foxx.
“That is silly. But then, she has nothing better to do, so I guess we do not have to charge that. But the author messed up again. Look, she made it fallow. ”
Sure enough, Team 7 had plowed and tilled the message as they fallowed it, not followed it.
Naomi looked at the words, and shuddered, and starting doodling in her notebook in an effort to block out the bad wording, while muttering “Punctuation. The right punctuation is needed or it does make sense at all. And we capitalize at the beginning of a new sentence. This is getting to be too much. And watch what you say. You just killed a canon character through the wording. And you must mean were, not where. And what is ‘unconfertable’? I think you mean uncomfortable. And it’s ‘I’m’, not ‘Im’. I doubt you are an instant message, although I wonder if that mith explain say so many sues.”
Foxx was bored until she heard a Foxx-chan!” she could tell it was Naruto and she ran at him. “naruto!” yelled Foxx to the boy. “can we go now? Please? Im unconfertable and- Sakura there’s a trap over there!” yelled Foxx. Sakura stopped dead were she was then a small alligator popped out trying to bite her foot.
Sure enough, Sakura stopped dead and an alligator tried to bite her foot, as Team Seven finally found Foxx.
Naomi looked on as Foxx raced into a house which appeared form nowhere, further bad grammar spoken by Naruto, and looked away from the Words and pulled out her emergency book from her backpack. Her emergency book was a paperback copy of Terry Pratchett’s Men at Arms, which she started to read. She had managed to read about a chapter before Drake broke in.
“Come on Naomi, let’s move on. Next part occurs in the night. So, portal?”
Naomi put away her book, and read the Words with a wary eye. “Definitely Portal, past that scene. I do not want to wait out here in the cold. She does rack up the charges of changing fox biology, as I doubt a normal fox is the size of two clenched fists, and CHANGING DEFINITION OF CANON MATERIAL. She becomes a nine tailed fox by using some kind of Beast Transformation. Although it is not called a Justu, so it might be okay, but still, it is changing canon. Beast Justu made Kiba more dog-like, and his dog Akamaru more human. ”
“What? Naomi, look at this. Fox flattened a spider using a frying pan, while she was in fox form, and in a bedroom. She is a small fox, as well as summoning the pan from nowhere. I doubt fox tails could hold up a frying pan. And she can talk while in fox form? I become a fox and I cannot talk. CHANGING BIOLOGY definitely has to go on the list. ”
Drake glanced at the words, then froze. He stalked over to a tree and banged his head one against the trunk before looking back at the words.
“No WAY! That is wrong. Very wrong. I’m killing her now and forget the rules. I can’t allow such an insult to stand.”
Drake stalked towards the house where Foxx was, growling, fur raised and tail swishing. He took four steps before suddenly deciding to take a nap instead. Naomi put down her backpack. She glanced over the words to see what had set Drake off on his rampage and quickly located it. It was not an official authors note, but it could be one.
(Foxes are a type of dog for those of you that think it is a cat)
“I can see why Drake wanted to kill you now, but we don’t have enough charges yet. We already have the biology charge, but we can get you with ANNOYING PPC AGENTS. Well, not many charges for a while, so I believe I can bring us to the Chuunin exams.”
Naomi opened a portal underneath Drake before jumping through herself.
They arrived in a flashback. They watched young Foxx interact with the young Sakura.
“Naomi, what happened here?”
“Flashback, although it was not clearly mentioned. And at five years old she learns the Beast Transformation? That might have been a charge if she was human, but since she is a demon fox, it is possible so it is unchargeable.”
Foxx showed off her new skill for Sasuke and Itachi, then,
“How come you have 5 tails?” asked Sasuke pulling one to see if it was fake but heard a whimper so he stopped. “I Don’t know…It kinda remember someone telling me that every year till I turn 9 I will continue to grow tails… (Usually its you grow one each 100 years but I’m doing it the other way --)
The author’s note was quieter than usual but it still was penetrating. Drake was upset. “What is the author thinking? Put down ignoring, no, slaughtering common sense, and knowingly changing the biology of Kitsune. ”
“I can put down the charge of SLAUGHTERING COMMON SENSE. We already have her for changing biology. Come on, lets skip ahead to the Chunnin exam.”
Foxx walked to the meeting place. “hey wheres Sakura?” asked Foxx. “She’s not coming.” Said Naruto down about it. “I think we’ll live…” Said Foxx walking through the doors.
Naomi broke down, and muttered various curse words about the Suethor.
“Why? Why? She just effectively replaced Sakura, which is so going on the charge list, and a good major canon breach we can get her. “
“Ah, Naomi, take a look at what has is happening with Lee.”
Indeed, even though Foxx had replaced Sakura, Lee was still in love with the female member of the sueized version of Team Seven, and was blowing kisses at Foxx, which she had dodged, although her comment was not nice.
“are you trying to kill me?” asked Foxx.
“Come on Drake, follow my lead.”
Foxx was ignoring the fight between Lee and Sasuke when two ninjas arrived and headed towards her. The kunoihci of the pair spoke first .
“Uchiha Foxx? We have something to tell you about in private, which is very important. “
“I can’t. I have to stay with my Team or they will fail the Chuunin Exam.”
The kunoihci sighed. “It concerns your brother. Please come with us.”
Foxx nodded and stood up and followed Naomi. Drake, with a confused expression, brought up the rear.
Foxx followed Naomi into an empty room, followed by Drake. Foxx was astonished and confused when Naomi locked the door, and was more than a little worried when she smelled the poison laced shuriken. Before she could react, the shuriken had hit her, and she fell to the floor paralyzed and weakened.
“The poison won’t kill you, Miss Uchiha Foxx, but it will let us our peace. We are from the PPC. You are charged with being a Mary Sue, committing various crimes and offences against the English language, messing up biology, altering canon, changing canon history, changing a canon justu, replacing a canon character for a canon event - in this case Sakura - slaughtering common sense, wearing a baggy, and annoying PPC agents.”
“You forgot to add you are charged with being fox-like.”
“"For these and other crimes, you are sentenced to death. Any last words, Foxx?”
When Naomi had finished, Foxx was back on her feet, although clearly not in the best condition.
“You can’t kill me. I’m the Kyuubi’s sis…”
With a growl of rage, Drake had flung himself at Foxx, and had attacked her. Naomi guarded the door, and watched in amazement as Drake and Foxx fought. Naomi looked on in amusement as Drake managed to gouge out one of Foxx's eyes with his combat spork. Naomi picked up and retrieved the eye as a souvenir. The fight soon turned into a fox-fight when both Agent and Sue went to animal form, which ended up with Drake lightly wounded, albeit covered in glittery Sue blood. Foxx had been torn to shreds. As Foxx died, canon rippled and returned to normal.
Naomi walked over to Drake and picked him up when he continued to shred Foxx’s remains.
“Enough Drake. Foxx is dead and canon is restored. Now change back, and then clean yourself.”
Drake changed back, and looked at the remains of Foxx, stilling growling. Then he turned, grabbed a bottle of mouth wash from his backpack and begun the process of cleaning his mouth. “Sues taste awful”
Naomi activated the RA, opening up a portal underneath the remains of Foxx sending them to Forest of Death. Naomi made sure Drake removed as much of the Sue blood as he could then opened up another portal to head back to HQ.
Naomi and Drake emerged in the response center. Drake sighed, and let his backpack slide off.
“I’m glad that was over. Foxx was annoying. I can rel…
The Console’s [BEEEEP] ] coincided with Naomi’s backpack hitting Drake in the head.
[A/N Drake: First mission, although Partner is deadly with a backpack. I can’t stand Sues that have to do with foxes or snakes. I don’t like snakes, and I don’t like when Sues disrespect foxes by being fox-like. ]
[A/N Naomi: It seems I have a rookie. Guess the odds are whether the Sues get him, or his partner. If I made a bet, I would put 5 bottle of Bleeprin on partner.]
[A/N Glossary:
A kunoichi is a female ninja in the Naruto verse.
Justu is a ninja technique which involves using charka to cause effects to happen. Handseals are usually required to activate Justus.
Kunai: fighting knife in the Naruto verse.
Chakra: combination of spiritual and physical energy.
THe badfic can be found here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2701441/1/ .
]