(no subject)
3rd Mission, and a co-mission.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Miss Kit belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. I do not own the PPC, that belongs to Jay and Accia. ONFU also belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. The concept of the OFUs belongs to Miss Cam. The story, “We sued to be normal” now deleted dos not belong to me.
Naomi entered her Response Center, holding a screaming froglike creature and sighed. Her partner, the humanoid fox Drake, had been Sueified, and was currently recovering. Ignoring the screaming of the holw, she looked around for earplugs. However, just as she found them…..
BEEEEEEEEP. BLEEEPING PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!
The Console’s beep cut across the holw, and nearly deafening Naomi, who stuck the earplugs in. Muttering under her breath, and of course underneath the holw’s screaming, “Just great. When will I learn?”
She walked over and hit the button which brought up the message.
“Agent Naomi, please report to the SO’s office ASAP.”
Naomi wondered why she had been summoned, but dreaded it. Most likely she would be chewed out for what had happened with Agent Drake. She shuddered. The Flowers that Be could be cruel at times. She definitely did not want to be forced to PPC real people fics.
She sighed and headed out into the
In the So’s office, The SO waited along with another person.
Miss Kit glared at the SO, who had experienced fiercer stares, but not many. "You said I'd be getting a partner at the push of a button. Why has this not happened now?" "It seems even the
Laws of Comedy that control this place don't make allowances even for visitors," he said, trying to get on with his paperwork. "Technically, it was at the push of the button. And well, these things take time."
Naomi finally found her way through the maze to the SO’s office, and sighed at the door. She had been so nervous that she had kept thinking of the SO’s office, which of course took her everywhere except the SO’s office. She took a deep breath, opened the door then entered.
“Look. It wasn’t my fault. I did not know that my partner had been bitten. But in my defense, I didn’t have time to stop him before he took on the Sue.”
Miss Kit was silent, staring at Naomi with an expression of half-amusement and half-suspicion. "Do not fret, Agent Naomi. We are merely assigning you a new partner until your usual recovers from his little ordeal," The SO said, radiating an air of irritation and perpetual paranoia. "This is Miss Kit, from the Official Fanfiction University for Naruto. "Pleasure," Miss Kit said curtly.
Naomi look ed over Miss Kit, then turned to face the SO.
“Look, it wasn’t my fault about Drake, so don’t go placing me on babysitting duty. I’ll bet she hasn’t even watched one of our training tapes.”
Miss Kit turned on her Bad Student glare. "I don't need them. Never did and never will."
Naomi sighed. “Look. MY latest partner is in the hospital at the moment, and I don’t want my next partner to be put out of action like that too. I’ve not been keeping up with OFU, so unless you happen to be running it, well, afraid I will have to decline. I don’t want to risk an incident. “
"In that case, I don't think there will be a problem," Miss Kit replied, a smug smile etched on her face.
Naomi stared. “Why not?”
"I do run it, you daft girl. Miss Kit. That's a mini in the corner," she said, pointing to the SO's right. In the corner a tiny, nine-tailed fox was curled up, eying Naomi with something approaching interest.
Namoi blanched, then looked closer, then grabbed some bleeprin.
“Sorry, did not recognize you. I was just on a yiffstar fic, dragged by my partner, and he got sued. So I’m not in the best insane mood. Why do need m? And look fox, if you bite, I’ll make a nice fox skin rug. And if you sleep, you are going into the nearest body of water, okay?”
"He'll bite no matter what you say, and he'll sleep just to be contrary," Miss Kit answered. "They're such little darlings." She grinned wickedly. "And they so adore the studets."
“I’m sure we’ll get along. So, why does the Head of the Naruto OFU need a PPC agent for? “
"Need one to going into a story. Have to protect you, ya know," she said briskly.
“And why do you need to go into the story? If it was a very bad one, there would have been an alert.”
"I asked to do this one. Correction, it was the Fanfiction Of The Week at the university and the staff asked me to do this one. They'll die...eventually," she hissed, cracking her knuckles. The mini looked up and growled in agreement, flexing his claws and yawning hugely.
“Wait? As in multiple Sues? “ Naomi turned the to SO. “Level with me. What kind of monstrosity are we dealing with and why wasn’t it brought to my attention earlier?”
"You were...stressed," The SO answered, returning to his paperwork. "We'd like our agents to remain as sane as possible for the longest amount of time."
Naomi growled, a sure sign of agent reaching rupture point, then downed another bleeprin.
“And I’m not stressed now? I just got out from a YIFFSTAR fic for Eru’s sake. “
"Don't know it, no sympathy," Miss Kit cut in. "Come on. I have a RC around here somewhere. I just have to forget where I'm going."
Naomi stared, then faced the SO again.
“Since when was she a PPC agent? Or do OFU heads get RCs now? “
"You're understaffed. I occasionally visit when I have time on my hands or when the staff assure me they have the students under control. besides, Miss Samaru is watching the sweet ickle students." Miss Kit picked up her bag and whistled for the mini, heading towards the door. "Let's go. Co-ordinates should be at the RC about...now." There was a faint screech from down the corridor, the sound of many people complaining and then the 'BEEEEEEEEEP' abruptly died.
Naomi looked at Miss Kit, then hurried after you.
“What did you do? And how is the OFU coming? I think my partner would really want to visit. That is, once he is able to.”
"What do you mean what did I do?" she asked, the mini riding on her head. Occasionally, she'd swipe away a tail from her face. "The university is fine. The semester has just start, so I should be helping out, but some students *wrote fanfiction while in the university*," she growled, eyes narrowed. "So I'm bringing back an...example. Feel free to visit. I could use some reinforcement."
Naomi stopped, then blinked, not sure she heard that right.
“Wait, you mean we’re not killing this SUE?” Naomi tried to wrap her brain around it, but failing. “Then how will we fix the canon if we don’t kill the sue?”
"I will kill her. But you don't necessarily have to kill the Sue to fix the canon. Killing is just the prefered method," she answered.
“Oh? What are those methods, pray tell?”
Naomi continued walking besides Miss Kit.
"Remove the Sue. Besides, OFUs nick off with Sues all the time."
Naomi nodded. “That would work, I think. What can you tell me about this Sue? Although it can’t be worse then an incestual orgy. And if it is, I want to visit that author after you enroll her.”
Miss Kit shook her head. "No. Ever heard of...Hyuchiha? Sounds like a cold, doesn't it? Guess what it's a cross of."
Naomi groaned. “Not one of those. Let me Guess, Hyuuga and Uchiha, right? At least this one isn’t the sister of the Kyuubi.”
"No, but there's embarrassing amounts of OOC, a biiiiit of character bashing, but only a tiny chunk, oh yes. Block paragraphs, an irate author and equally irate reviewers," she answered.
Naomi brightened. “Think I can get a copy of some of those irate reviews? Although, seeing it is a badfic, it got like a hundred glowing reviews.”
"Thirteen reviews when SONPS discovered it. Four people reviewed since then. Two of the reviews are long, detailed and constructive. Only a matter of time before the author takes it down," she said, looking regretful.
“You must be really looking forward to taking it down. If an author takes it down for us, well, it is just one mission we don’t have to go on. I just wish we weren’t so understaffed at times.”
"I would imagine so. Sometimes I wonder what students are doing in my university," she replied dryly, closing her eyes and walking faster. Occasionally, she bumped in walls ("Bugger. Who put that bloody wall there?") but they ended up in front of a bloodstained door within the hour. "My RC. I cherish this place. It smells like c-c-c-coffee."
“What do you mean you wonder what students are doing in your university? Also, forget coffee, do you have any chocolate?”
Naomi’s face when she mentioned chocolate was one of intense longing.
"They don't seem to learn anything. We just instill the fear of the poker in them," she answered, reaching slowly into her pocket and withdrawing a chocolate bar. "Mmm...nummy chocolate, PPC Agent."
Naomi’s eyes followed the chocolate in almost the same way that a fanbrat would follow a hunky canon character, although minus the glomping of course.
Miss Kit smiled wickedly but handed it over. "You're almost like a mini with peanut butter."
Naomie eagerly seized it then took a bit then carefully put it into a small safety box that already had some chocolate in it, closed and locked it and put it away in her backpack.
“No. Chocolate is very very rare. Minis can find peanut Butter. PPC has very little spare chocolate.”
"I would imagine so. You'd be surprised how much peanut butter doesn't make it to the breakfast table," she said, opening the door and letting Naomi in. It was the traditional RC, grey walls and all. But this one had a table covered with pots of healing cream, kunais and empty ramen cups. "Parting gifts. But a obnoxious blond who shall remain nameless got to the ramen before I did," Miss Kit said. The mini curled up in a plush basket, while Miss Kit crossed the room to the Console. "Lessee...yup. Run along and get ready. We'll need to leave as soon as possible."
Naomi grinned. “Sounds typical of him. So, can you tell me anymore about the story? And you do have a CAD right? And a Remote, right? And are you close combat or long range? I’m the long range partner. Drake was close range, and even modified a pair of sporks, can you believe that?”
"Amazingly, yes," she answered, packing a poker into her bag. "Either or. But I like poisons. A tiny dose of curare will be good. Won't kill her, but will paralyse her long enough for me to get her back to the university." She packed a small box, patting it fondly. "Basically, a group of girls get dropped into Konoha, Hiashi greets them, tells Miss Sue her destiny and who she is, they act bratty...It's sort of hard to get through. Like walking through waist deep mud."
“Ouchies. Another Real World Sue. What time frame of Kohana? And haven’t they heard that people who appear from nowhere should not be trusted? “ Naomi’s grin become sharklike. “Especially if they are PPC agents.”
"True. I'm not sure which time frame. You get dizzy looking at it too long."
Naomi got her stuff ready and headed to the Console.
“So, what will our disguises be?”
"Generic Academy students? we just have to make sure Iruka doesn't see us accidentally," she said.
“Iruka is soo OOC that he is on canon now? Naomi was amazed. Normally the SEPF generators in the uniforms keep canon characters from noticing Agents unless they deliberately made themselves known. Of course, non-canons could still see them.
"That's what I meant by accidentally. I case we accidentally draw attention to ourselves and Iruka accidentally notices we're *incidentally* not Academy students. Purely by accident, of course," she answered sharply.
“Then we just have to get out of sight, and if the Sue is still alive, well, he will be back under Sue control. “
"Superbly observed, agent," she answered briskly, cracking her knuckles.
“So, are we ready? I want to get this over with ASAP.”
"Let's be off, then. Set the disguises, lack - agent," she corrected herself quickly.
Naomi complied, but modified the disguise a bit for Miss Kit, sttign it from lead young ninja to young male mist nin.
"We're in Konoha. Leaf nins, if you please," she said, looking over her shoulder.
Naomi quickly fixed Miss Kit’s one, but also changed it to male, then quickly went through the portal.
The mini lept after them, turning into a small dog. Miss Kit checked her pack, checked her mini and partner, then discreetly checked down the front of her pants.
Naomi started to read the Words, her eyes becoming unfocused as she did so.
Miss Kit, on the other hand, curled up into a ball and covered her ears, squeezing her eyes shut. "disclaimer: i don't own Naruto, or Dawn and Kate, they are my friends from school,. And kate is really really idiotic," exclaimed a voice brightly. Miss Kit got to her feet, albeit slightly unsteadily.
The Disclaimer rocked Naomi, knocking out of the trance and causing her to also curl up. When it was over, she also got to her feet. “I really dislike Author Voices.
"Thankfully it doesn't happen too often," she answered.
Naomi nodded. “Agreed.”
"Here it comes," she muttered, bracing herself. The story hit, the lumped together paragraths distorting the air and making it look lumpy. "I hate this place."
Miss Kit read ahead. "Uh oh. Sakura bashing ahead."
Naomi grimaced. “Just great. What does she have against Sakura anyway?”
"Probably because Sakura's on Team Seven and close to sasuke," Miss Kit replied.
“That makes sense. So, where exactly are we?”
"Hospital, by the looks of it. That's where they first break canon," she said, eyes unfocused as she read the words.
Naomi read the words, then went wide eyed, then banged her head against the wall.
“That’s both good and bad. We missed them in the real world, where Naruto is just a managa, where they would not have any charka training. Look at the words describing the scene we missed.
““Hey! Come look at this!” I called from my seat. And Dawn and Katelyn came over, on my screen was a face, it looked at us then said. “Time to return to where you belong girls…” said the Face, a bright light engulfed us, and we were gone, to a new world.”
“That” *Bang* “is “*Bang* “So” *Bang Bang Bang*
"Yes! Stop!" She exclaimed. "Or they'll land on us!"
After on last headwall, Naomi stopped, then looked over at her partner. “Sorry, but I truly dislike Real World inserts, especially those were the person supposedly knows the world from a medium. It does not give the whole picture you know.”
"I feel your pa - move!" Miss Kit dragged her behind a bench just in time. The unconscious Sues tumbled out of the plothole, nurses and doctors instantly surrounding them. "If I were them I'd give 'em a dose of something lethal."
Naomi started to dig through her bag, searching for something. “What kind of poison did you want? I got several here.”
Suddenly, the world made an odd noise, let someone let pulled a drain, and the story started to squeeze. Naomi recongized what was happening. "Look out, the story is being deleted."
Naomi called out to her partner, and grabbed her remote, opening the portal back to the PPC, and out of the dying fanfic.
"Shit! No fun!" Miss Kit scanned ahead quickly, cobbled together a hasty charge list and grabbed the Sues, tossing them one by one into the portal. Naomi was a bit shocked, but tried to grab Miss Kit.
"Come on, we have to go now."
The universe was getting smaller and smaller as the deletion effect continued.
"Just a minute!"
Miss Kit shot off down the street, surprisingly agile even on the shaky ground. She returned when the universe was no bigger than a room. "Sally forth!"
Naomi grabbed Miss Kit's arm and with the strength of a ticked off PPC agent hauled her thorough the portal and into her response center. The portal then closed, leaving them in Naomi's response center with the varoius sues. Naomi groaned.
"Why did you bring them here? Upstairs will have a fit?"
"Bcause they would have just buggered off to a different universe. And I have plans for them." Her eyes narrowed at Samantha. "Samantha Wossname, I charge you with every offense under the sun and condemn you to...attending university."
"That's not true. When a fic gets deleted, the dues are delted with it. at Least, that is what I heard, " countered Naomi.
"Fair enough. We've both heard our share of rumours. But like it or not, these are coming with me." Miss Kit handed over a brick thick block of chocolate, smiling compellingly. "They'll die...eventually."
Naomi's emotions warred over the piece of chocalte. "You promise the Sues will die painfully?"
"I'm taking them to the characters that they humiliated and marred so very much. And there will be mini-Kyuubis. And pain. And revenge. And...a lesson." Miss Kit smiled evilly. "She shall be dipped in...peanut butter."
"That sounds fair. Say, think I could be there for the peanut butter?" Naomi asked, after takign the chocolate brick from Miss Kit.
"Certainly! However, it shall be rather early in the morning and the stu - bugger. What now?" A small fox had appeared by her feet and hocked a ball of paper up. Miss Kit picked up up between forefinger and thumb, unravelling the slimy piece. "...Six new mini popped into existance. Sodding bloody hell on a cotton pogostick!"
Naomi looked over at the fox and gave it a glare.
"I assume that is one of your minis, right? Also, I would suggest you don;t do anything. My partner is a fox himself, and I have thrown him into a lake or two. And I assume that the minis are all from different stories?"
"Yes. Don't worry about Saskua. She's as gentle as can be." Saskua bared her teeth in some twisted form of a grin.
Naomi looked at the mini, then lowered her arm to let the mini smell her arm and the insanitius nitpickitus phermone on it.
The mini sniffed in interest, licking cautiously.
Naomi grinned, then looked at Miss Kit.
"PPC agents have a unique smell of old socks and blood, which seems to calm minis down. It was recently discovered. Say, may I pet her?"
"Go ahead. Don' blame me if she bites your arm off in search of the blood," Kitsune answered, reading the list of Minis.
Naomi gave the Mini a glare.
"I'm warning you, you bite, and I will throw you across the room."
Naomi reached out her hand to pet the mini.
The mini sniggered, looking rather smug. However, she allowed Naomi to pet her, evening daring a benevolent flick of her tail.
"Good mini. "
Naomi finished her petting and stood up, then looked at the mini again.
"I must tell you, I did send my fox partner into a lake for sleeping."
"That's nice. I like meeting a PPC agent with no tolerence whatsoever," Miss Kit answered. Saskua sniggered again.
Naomi turned and glared at a Sue who was getting up.
“I would not try it. I’m not in a good mood. Miss Kit, I think you had better get them out of here before security shows up.”
Naomi headed over to the Console and activated a portal to ONFU, after which the Console BEEEEPED, signaling that a new message had arrived.
"Why ever should I do that? If SO wishes to speak with me about my behaviour, I can take along Saskua." She petted the mini, who growled in agreement.
Naomi stared at Miss Kit, then hit herself.
"Duh. You're not an Agent."
"Well spotted. I suppose the department really is quite underfunded," she answered, hand slipping into her pocket. Her fist glinted off the light for a moment as her arm suddenly swung around, catching the awakening Sue in the stomach. "Down, missy." As the Sue collapsed, wheezing, Miss Kit winced and removed the brass knuckles. "No matter what you do, it always hurts."
Naomi smiled.
"Nice swing Miss Kit."
Naomi turned back and hit the button which brought up the message and read it.
"It seems the SO would like to see us in his office."
"Thank you. Come along, Saskua."
"Wait. We're forgettign something."
Naomi slugn off her backpack and rummaged through it, removign rope and gags, and handed a couple to Miss Kit.
"We first have to tidy up."
"Ohhhh, good idea." Miss Kit tied up Sam and Dawn tightly, patting them on the head. "Don't worry. It's good when your hands turn blue."
Naomi smiled, then tied up the rest of the Sues, then ofund a scrap of paper, wrote "Property of Naomi and Miss Kit. Please don't kill" and attached it to Sam.
"There we go. Should we go now?"
"If we must. Hang on to that chocolate." Miss Kit closed her eyes and began to wander down the hall. "Ho hum, I have no clue where I am going. I hope no random walls turn up out of no where, oh, dearie me, no..."
"Okay, you lead then."
Naomi followed after Miss Kit, knowing that she would be able to arrive at the SO's office quite easily.
After half an hour of walking and crashing into grey, featureless walls, Miss Kit finally bruised her hip on a doorknob. "Sonova - I think we're here."
"Ahh, I see you arrived. Come on in."
The mind voice of the SO echoed through the two. Naomi turned the doorknob, and entered the room.
"I wonder what he did with the real SO," Miss Kit mused, following her temporary partner. Saskua was staring at The SO with bright, eager eyes, tails flicking madly.
The SO looked warily at the mini, then spoke.
"I assure you, I am the real one. Now, what were you thinking?"
Miss Kit sighed, staring at the SO with eyes full of injured innocence. "Sir, I was only thinking in the best interest of the students. They are a bright, yet uneducated bunch, and I do so wish to help them learn the important lessons of writing."
"Oh? What do you plan to do with them?"
"They will be part of a vital lesson for my darling students. One that they won't forget in a hurry. It could very well result in less Sue fanfiction for this sector, sir." Miss Kit's eyes filled with tears, which was going a little overboard. "So you not care about the ickle students?"
The SO seemed to give a sigh, if Gaint Flwoers coudl sigh that is.
"If it will reduce the amount of Badfic, then it is allowed. We are badly swamped here."
Naomi let out a sigh of relief, glad she was not being punished, a bad idea.
"Naomi, why did you let this happen?"
Miss Kit nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome. I hope we can coordinate more with your university. We could really use the help."
"Hey, it wasn;t my fault," protested Naomi. "Miss Kit ran off before I could do anything.."
"I would welcome it." Saskua emitted a rumbling growl of agreement.
The SO gave the flower equivalent of a shrug.
"That is good. Naomi, we will talk later, once your Partner is back. I think you will be ready to tackle another of That Series.. Now, you are excused."
Naomi shuddered, but turned and headed to the door. She was definetly not going to enjoy the next mission.
Miss Kit walked beside her, Saskua winding between her legs. "That was successful."
Naomi looked over at Miss Kit and attempted to give her an Elven Death Glare (TM).
"For you anyway, and you owe me. My next mission will be a dreadful one."
Miss Kit laughed. "Owe you? What now? More chocolate? There's planets covered in the stuff, ya know."
"More chocolate would be nice, but, maybe an invitation to your OFU. After my nerxt mission, a vacation would be great."
Naomi shuddered, remembering her last mission in That Series.
"Feel free to visit," Miss Kit replied.
"Ahhh, Upstairs usually frowns on impromtu visits."
Miss Kit grinned. "I don't."
"Thanks, but well, you don;t have to answer to Flowers. I do. And well, after my next mission, I will efinately need a vacation. It's a yiffstar fic."
"I don't know the fandom, but it must be terrible."
"It's Redwall. And yeah, it is terrible."
Soon, they had arrived at Naomi's RC again, their distraction serving them in good steed,
"So, how is the OFU coming?"
"Overrun by students and minis." Miss Kit scoffed at the thought. "Students! In my university!"
Naomi stared at Miss Kit.
"Aren’t students supposed to be in your university?"
Naomi entered her RC, greeted by the screaming of the holw as the froglike creature hopped towards them, from where it had clearly had been annoyed the bound and gagged Sues.
"Not on my watch! Bloody nuisance. But I must educate them."
Naomi picked up the holw, then handed it to Miss Kit.
"Yeah. Say, would this help in educating the students? It spawned from my last mission in That Series."
"Ohhhh, pretty!" Miss Kit stared at it. "Does it act as a cattleprod?"
"I don't know. I do know that is screams alot, and it came out from the Sue's throat."
The froglike holw screamed louder.
"I shall make it part of the staff and plant it in the student quarters! Good find!"
The holw looked up at Miss Kit, as if it understood, then hopped onto her shoulder.
"Cool, I think it likes that."
"Awwwww! It's cute in a hideous way." Kitsune held out her hand to Naomi. "Nice to have met you. My regards to your partner."
Naomi shook the hand.
"Thanks. I will let him know once he gets unsued. I think he would enjoy going visiting your OFU."
"As long as he doesn't visit while the minis are in heat." Miss Kit snapped open a portal. "Did you want a couple? I need Sam, but you can have some if you want 'em."
"I would love to, but well, I think that you could make a nice example for your students."
Naomi had a wicked grin on her face.
"Say, think I coudl get a mini?"
"I thought you didn't like foxes," Miss Kit said, raising an eyebrow. "But other than that, take as many as you can feed. They mainly eat peanut butter and olive oil. But not too much of the latter. Spontaneous combustion is a real bugger."
"Oh, I can stand them, but minis are not exactly foxes. They are demon foxes, a difference. And thanks. It jsut too bad we aren;t allowed to take them on missions.
“Sure. Here's a list." Miss Kit handed over a small yet very thick book, severely foxed and very demoned.
Naomi took the list and put it on the Console.
"Thanks. Now, do you have to head back now, or do you want to join me at the Cafeteria for a bit? "
Miss Kit looked thoughtful. "Well, how fast can we not find it?"
"Pretty Fast, especially if you hit the wall. Why?"
Naomi started to head for the door.
Miss Kit trotted after her, minis on her heels. "Just wondering."
Naomi headed aimlessly throught the hallys. "So, any trouble in teh OFU so far? I heard the the HFA had some problems."
Miss Kit sighed. "The students always cause trouble. Think they can beat the system. Hah!"
Naomi laughed.
"And you;re always there to stop them, no? That's great."
Behind them, in the now empty RC, the Console BEEPED!!!! as a new message arrived.
[A.N Naomie} Tjhat was a werid mision. I am deifnately not lookign forward to my next mission.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Miss Kit belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. I do not own the PPC, that belongs to Jay and Accia. ONFU also belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. The concept of the OFUs belongs to Miss Cam. The story, “We sued to be normal” now deleted dos not belong to me.
Naomi entered her Response Center, holding a screaming froglike creature and sighed. Her partner, the humanoid fox Drake, had been Sueified, and was currently recovering. Ignoring the screaming of the holw, she looked around for earplugs. However, just as she found them…..
BEEEEEEEEP. BLEEEPING PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!
The Console’s beep cut across the holw, and nearly deafening Naomi, who stuck the earplugs in. Muttering under her breath, and of course underneath the holw’s screaming, “Just great. When will I learn?”
She walked over and hit the button which brought up the message.
“Agent Naomi, please report to the SO’s office ASAP.”
Naomi wondered why she had been summoned, but dreaded it. Most likely she would be chewed out for what had happened with Agent Drake. She shuddered. The Flowers that Be could be cruel at times. She definitely did not want to be forced to PPC real people fics.
She sighed and headed out into the
In the So’s office, The SO waited along with another person.
Miss Kit glared at the SO, who had experienced fiercer stares, but not many. "You said I'd be getting a partner at the push of a button. Why has this not happened now?" "It seems even the
Laws of Comedy that control this place don't make allowances even for visitors," he said, trying to get on with his paperwork. "Technically, it was at the push of the button. And well, these things take time."
Naomi finally found her way through the maze to the SO’s office, and sighed at the door. She had been so nervous that she had kept thinking of the SO’s office, which of course took her everywhere except the SO’s office. She took a deep breath, opened the door then entered.
“Look. It wasn’t my fault. I did not know that my partner had been bitten. But in my defense, I didn’t have time to stop him before he took on the Sue.”
Miss Kit was silent, staring at Naomi with an expression of half-amusement and half-suspicion. "Do not fret, Agent Naomi. We are merely assigning you a new partner until your usual recovers from his little ordeal," The SO said, radiating an air of irritation and perpetual paranoia. "This is Miss Kit, from the Official Fanfiction University for Naruto. "Pleasure," Miss Kit said curtly.
Naomi look ed over Miss Kit, then turned to face the SO.
“Look, it wasn’t my fault about Drake, so don’t go placing me on babysitting duty. I’ll bet she hasn’t even watched one of our training tapes.”
Miss Kit turned on her Bad Student glare. "I don't need them. Never did and never will."
Naomi sighed. “Look. MY latest partner is in the hospital at the moment, and I don’t want my next partner to be put out of action like that too. I’ve not been keeping up with OFU, so unless you happen to be running it, well, afraid I will have to decline. I don’t want to risk an incident. “
"In that case, I don't think there will be a problem," Miss Kit replied, a smug smile etched on her face.
Naomi stared. “Why not?”
"I do run it, you daft girl. Miss Kit. That's a mini in the corner," she said, pointing to the SO's right. In the corner a tiny, nine-tailed fox was curled up, eying Naomi with something approaching interest.
Namoi blanched, then looked closer, then grabbed some bleeprin.
“Sorry, did not recognize you. I was just on a yiffstar fic, dragged by my partner, and he got sued. So I’m not in the best insane mood. Why do need m? And look fox, if you bite, I’ll make a nice fox skin rug. And if you sleep, you are going into the nearest body of water, okay?”
"He'll bite no matter what you say, and he'll sleep just to be contrary," Miss Kit answered. "They're such little darlings." She grinned wickedly. "And they so adore the studets."
“I’m sure we’ll get along. So, why does the Head of the Naruto OFU need a PPC agent for? “
"Need one to going into a story. Have to protect you, ya know," she said briskly.
“And why do you need to go into the story? If it was a very bad one, there would have been an alert.”
"I asked to do this one. Correction, it was the Fanfiction Of The Week at the university and the staff asked me to do this one. They'll die...eventually," she hissed, cracking her knuckles. The mini looked up and growled in agreement, flexing his claws and yawning hugely.
“Wait? As in multiple Sues? “ Naomi turned the to SO. “Level with me. What kind of monstrosity are we dealing with and why wasn’t it brought to my attention earlier?”
"You were...stressed," The SO answered, returning to his paperwork. "We'd like our agents to remain as sane as possible for the longest amount of time."
Naomi growled, a sure sign of agent reaching rupture point, then downed another bleeprin.
“And I’m not stressed now? I just got out from a YIFFSTAR fic for Eru’s sake. “
"Don't know it, no sympathy," Miss Kit cut in. "Come on. I have a RC around here somewhere. I just have to forget where I'm going."
Naomi stared, then faced the SO again.
“Since when was she a PPC agent? Or do OFU heads get RCs now? “
"You're understaffed. I occasionally visit when I have time on my hands or when the staff assure me they have the students under control. besides, Miss Samaru is watching the sweet ickle students." Miss Kit picked up her bag and whistled for the mini, heading towards the door. "Let's go. Co-ordinates should be at the RC about...now." There was a faint screech from down the corridor, the sound of many people complaining and then the 'BEEEEEEEEEP' abruptly died.
Naomi looked at Miss Kit, then hurried after you.
“What did you do? And how is the OFU coming? I think my partner would really want to visit. That is, once he is able to.”
"What do you mean what did I do?" she asked, the mini riding on her head. Occasionally, she'd swipe away a tail from her face. "The university is fine. The semester has just start, so I should be helping out, but some students *wrote fanfiction while in the university*," she growled, eyes narrowed. "So I'm bringing back an...example. Feel free to visit. I could use some reinforcement."
Naomi stopped, then blinked, not sure she heard that right.
“Wait, you mean we’re not killing this SUE?” Naomi tried to wrap her brain around it, but failing. “Then how will we fix the canon if we don’t kill the sue?”
"I will kill her. But you don't necessarily have to kill the Sue to fix the canon. Killing is just the prefered method," she answered.
“Oh? What are those methods, pray tell?”
Naomi continued walking besides Miss Kit.
"Remove the Sue. Besides, OFUs nick off with Sues all the time."
Naomi nodded. “That would work, I think. What can you tell me about this Sue? Although it can’t be worse then an incestual orgy. And if it is, I want to visit that author after you enroll her.”
Miss Kit shook her head. "No. Ever heard of...Hyuchiha? Sounds like a cold, doesn't it? Guess what it's a cross of."
Naomi groaned. “Not one of those. Let me Guess, Hyuuga and Uchiha, right? At least this one isn’t the sister of the Kyuubi.”
"No, but there's embarrassing amounts of OOC, a biiiiit of character bashing, but only a tiny chunk, oh yes. Block paragraphs, an irate author and equally irate reviewers," she answered.
Naomi brightened. “Think I can get a copy of some of those irate reviews? Although, seeing it is a badfic, it got like a hundred glowing reviews.”
"Thirteen reviews when SONPS discovered it. Four people reviewed since then. Two of the reviews are long, detailed and constructive. Only a matter of time before the author takes it down," she said, looking regretful.
“You must be really looking forward to taking it down. If an author takes it down for us, well, it is just one mission we don’t have to go on. I just wish we weren’t so understaffed at times.”
"I would imagine so. Sometimes I wonder what students are doing in my university," she replied dryly, closing her eyes and walking faster. Occasionally, she bumped in walls ("Bugger. Who put that bloody wall there?") but they ended up in front of a bloodstained door within the hour. "My RC. I cherish this place. It smells like c-c-c-coffee."
“What do you mean you wonder what students are doing in your university? Also, forget coffee, do you have any chocolate?”
Naomi’s face when she mentioned chocolate was one of intense longing.
"They don't seem to learn anything. We just instill the fear of the poker in them," she answered, reaching slowly into her pocket and withdrawing a chocolate bar. "Mmm...nummy chocolate, PPC Agent."
Naomi’s eyes followed the chocolate in almost the same way that a fanbrat would follow a hunky canon character, although minus the glomping of course.
Miss Kit smiled wickedly but handed it over. "You're almost like a mini with peanut butter."
Naomie eagerly seized it then took a bit then carefully put it into a small safety box that already had some chocolate in it, closed and locked it and put it away in her backpack.
“No. Chocolate is very very rare. Minis can find peanut Butter. PPC has very little spare chocolate.”
"I would imagine so. You'd be surprised how much peanut butter doesn't make it to the breakfast table," she said, opening the door and letting Naomi in. It was the traditional RC, grey walls and all. But this one had a table covered with pots of healing cream, kunais and empty ramen cups. "Parting gifts. But a obnoxious blond who shall remain nameless got to the ramen before I did," Miss Kit said. The mini curled up in a plush basket, while Miss Kit crossed the room to the Console. "Lessee...yup. Run along and get ready. We'll need to leave as soon as possible."
Naomi grinned. “Sounds typical of him. So, can you tell me anymore about the story? And you do have a CAD right? And a Remote, right? And are you close combat or long range? I’m the long range partner. Drake was close range, and even modified a pair of sporks, can you believe that?”
"Amazingly, yes," she answered, packing a poker into her bag. "Either or. But I like poisons. A tiny dose of curare will be good. Won't kill her, but will paralyse her long enough for me to get her back to the university." She packed a small box, patting it fondly. "Basically, a group of girls get dropped into Konoha, Hiashi greets them, tells Miss Sue her destiny and who she is, they act bratty...It's sort of hard to get through. Like walking through waist deep mud."
“Ouchies. Another Real World Sue. What time frame of Kohana? And haven’t they heard that people who appear from nowhere should not be trusted? “ Naomi’s grin become sharklike. “Especially if they are PPC agents.”
"True. I'm not sure which time frame. You get dizzy looking at it too long."
Naomi got her stuff ready and headed to the Console.
“So, what will our disguises be?”
"Generic Academy students? we just have to make sure Iruka doesn't see us accidentally," she said.
“Iruka is soo OOC that he is on canon now? Naomi was amazed. Normally the SEPF generators in the uniforms keep canon characters from noticing Agents unless they deliberately made themselves known. Of course, non-canons could still see them.
"That's what I meant by accidentally. I case we accidentally draw attention to ourselves and Iruka accidentally notices we're *incidentally* not Academy students. Purely by accident, of course," she answered sharply.
“Then we just have to get out of sight, and if the Sue is still alive, well, he will be back under Sue control. “
"Superbly observed, agent," she answered briskly, cracking her knuckles.
“So, are we ready? I want to get this over with ASAP.”
"Let's be off, then. Set the disguises, lack - agent," she corrected herself quickly.
Naomi complied, but modified the disguise a bit for Miss Kit, sttign it from lead young ninja to young male mist nin.
"We're in Konoha. Leaf nins, if you please," she said, looking over her shoulder.
Naomi quickly fixed Miss Kit’s one, but also changed it to male, then quickly went through the portal.
The mini lept after them, turning into a small dog. Miss Kit checked her pack, checked her mini and partner, then discreetly checked down the front of her pants.
Naomi started to read the Words, her eyes becoming unfocused as she did so.
Miss Kit, on the other hand, curled up into a ball and covered her ears, squeezing her eyes shut. "disclaimer: i don't own Naruto, or Dawn and Kate, they are my friends from school,. And kate is really really idiotic," exclaimed a voice brightly. Miss Kit got to her feet, albeit slightly unsteadily.
The Disclaimer rocked Naomi, knocking out of the trance and causing her to also curl up. When it was over, she also got to her feet. “I really dislike Author Voices.
"Thankfully it doesn't happen too often," she answered.
Naomi nodded. “Agreed.”
"Here it comes," she muttered, bracing herself. The story hit, the lumped together paragraths distorting the air and making it look lumpy. "I hate this place."
Miss Kit read ahead. "Uh oh. Sakura bashing ahead."
Naomi grimaced. “Just great. What does she have against Sakura anyway?”
"Probably because Sakura's on Team Seven and close to sasuke," Miss Kit replied.
“That makes sense. So, where exactly are we?”
"Hospital, by the looks of it. That's where they first break canon," she said, eyes unfocused as she read the words.
Naomi read the words, then went wide eyed, then banged her head against the wall.
“That’s both good and bad. We missed them in the real world, where Naruto is just a managa, where they would not have any charka training. Look at the words describing the scene we missed.
““Hey! Come look at this!” I called from my seat. And Dawn and Katelyn came over, on my screen was a face, it looked at us then said. “Time to return to where you belong girls…” said the Face, a bright light engulfed us, and we were gone, to a new world.”
“That” *Bang* “is “*Bang* “So” *Bang Bang Bang*
"Yes! Stop!" She exclaimed. "Or they'll land on us!"
After on last headwall, Naomi stopped, then looked over at her partner. “Sorry, but I truly dislike Real World inserts, especially those were the person supposedly knows the world from a medium. It does not give the whole picture you know.”
"I feel your pa - move!" Miss Kit dragged her behind a bench just in time. The unconscious Sues tumbled out of the plothole, nurses and doctors instantly surrounding them. "If I were them I'd give 'em a dose of something lethal."
Naomi started to dig through her bag, searching for something. “What kind of poison did you want? I got several here.”
Suddenly, the world made an odd noise, let someone let pulled a drain, and the story started to squeeze. Naomi recongized what was happening. "Look out, the story is being deleted."
Naomi called out to her partner, and grabbed her remote, opening the portal back to the PPC, and out of the dying fanfic.
"Shit! No fun!" Miss Kit scanned ahead quickly, cobbled together a hasty charge list and grabbed the Sues, tossing them one by one into the portal. Naomi was a bit shocked, but tried to grab Miss Kit.
"Come on, we have to go now."
The universe was getting smaller and smaller as the deletion effect continued.
"Just a minute!"
Miss Kit shot off down the street, surprisingly agile even on the shaky ground. She returned when the universe was no bigger than a room. "Sally forth!"
Naomi grabbed Miss Kit's arm and with the strength of a ticked off PPC agent hauled her thorough the portal and into her response center. The portal then closed, leaving them in Naomi's response center with the varoius sues. Naomi groaned.
"Why did you bring them here? Upstairs will have a fit?"
"Bcause they would have just buggered off to a different universe. And I have plans for them." Her eyes narrowed at Samantha. "Samantha Wossname, I charge you with every offense under the sun and condemn you to...attending university."
"That's not true. When a fic gets deleted, the dues are delted with it. at Least, that is what I heard, " countered Naomi.
"Fair enough. We've both heard our share of rumours. But like it or not, these are coming with me." Miss Kit handed over a brick thick block of chocolate, smiling compellingly. "They'll die...eventually."
Naomi's emotions warred over the piece of chocalte. "You promise the Sues will die painfully?"
"I'm taking them to the characters that they humiliated and marred so very much. And there will be mini-Kyuubis. And pain. And revenge. And...a lesson." Miss Kit smiled evilly. "She shall be dipped in...peanut butter."
"That sounds fair. Say, think I could be there for the peanut butter?" Naomi asked, after takign the chocolate brick from Miss Kit.
"Certainly! However, it shall be rather early in the morning and the stu - bugger. What now?" A small fox had appeared by her feet and hocked a ball of paper up. Miss Kit picked up up between forefinger and thumb, unravelling the slimy piece. "...Six new mini popped into existance. Sodding bloody hell on a cotton pogostick!"
Naomi looked over at the fox and gave it a glare.
"I assume that is one of your minis, right? Also, I would suggest you don;t do anything. My partner is a fox himself, and I have thrown him into a lake or two. And I assume that the minis are all from different stories?"
"Yes. Don't worry about Saskua. She's as gentle as can be." Saskua bared her teeth in some twisted form of a grin.
Naomi looked at the mini, then lowered her arm to let the mini smell her arm and the insanitius nitpickitus phermone on it.
The mini sniffed in interest, licking cautiously.
Naomi grinned, then looked at Miss Kit.
"PPC agents have a unique smell of old socks and blood, which seems to calm minis down. It was recently discovered. Say, may I pet her?"
"Go ahead. Don' blame me if she bites your arm off in search of the blood," Kitsune answered, reading the list of Minis.
Naomi gave the Mini a glare.
"I'm warning you, you bite, and I will throw you across the room."
Naomi reached out her hand to pet the mini.
The mini sniggered, looking rather smug. However, she allowed Naomi to pet her, evening daring a benevolent flick of her tail.
"Good mini. "
Naomi finished her petting and stood up, then looked at the mini again.
"I must tell you, I did send my fox partner into a lake for sleeping."
"That's nice. I like meeting a PPC agent with no tolerence whatsoever," Miss Kit answered. Saskua sniggered again.
Naomi turned and glared at a Sue who was getting up.
“I would not try it. I’m not in a good mood. Miss Kit, I think you had better get them out of here before security shows up.”
Naomi headed over to the Console and activated a portal to ONFU, after which the Console BEEEEPED, signaling that a new message had arrived.
"Why ever should I do that? If SO wishes to speak with me about my behaviour, I can take along Saskua." She petted the mini, who growled in agreement.
Naomi stared at Miss Kit, then hit herself.
"Duh. You're not an Agent."
"Well spotted. I suppose the department really is quite underfunded," she answered, hand slipping into her pocket. Her fist glinted off the light for a moment as her arm suddenly swung around, catching the awakening Sue in the stomach. "Down, missy." As the Sue collapsed, wheezing, Miss Kit winced and removed the brass knuckles. "No matter what you do, it always hurts."
Naomi smiled.
"Nice swing Miss Kit."
Naomi turned back and hit the button which brought up the message and read it.
"It seems the SO would like to see us in his office."
"Thank you. Come along, Saskua."
"Wait. We're forgettign something."
Naomi slugn off her backpack and rummaged through it, removign rope and gags, and handed a couple to Miss Kit.
"We first have to tidy up."
"Ohhhh, good idea." Miss Kit tied up Sam and Dawn tightly, patting them on the head. "Don't worry. It's good when your hands turn blue."
Naomi smiled, then tied up the rest of the Sues, then ofund a scrap of paper, wrote "Property of Naomi and Miss Kit. Please don't kill" and attached it to Sam.
"There we go. Should we go now?"
"If we must. Hang on to that chocolate." Miss Kit closed her eyes and began to wander down the hall. "Ho hum, I have no clue where I am going. I hope no random walls turn up out of no where, oh, dearie me, no..."
"Okay, you lead then."
Naomi followed after Miss Kit, knowing that she would be able to arrive at the SO's office quite easily.
After half an hour of walking and crashing into grey, featureless walls, Miss Kit finally bruised her hip on a doorknob. "Sonova - I think we're here."
"Ahh, I see you arrived. Come on in."
The mind voice of the SO echoed through the two. Naomi turned the doorknob, and entered the room.
"I wonder what he did with the real SO," Miss Kit mused, following her temporary partner. Saskua was staring at The SO with bright, eager eyes, tails flicking madly.
The SO looked warily at the mini, then spoke.
"I assure you, I am the real one. Now, what were you thinking?"
Miss Kit sighed, staring at the SO with eyes full of injured innocence. "Sir, I was only thinking in the best interest of the students. They are a bright, yet uneducated bunch, and I do so wish to help them learn the important lessons of writing."
"Oh? What do you plan to do with them?"
"They will be part of a vital lesson for my darling students. One that they won't forget in a hurry. It could very well result in less Sue fanfiction for this sector, sir." Miss Kit's eyes filled with tears, which was going a little overboard. "So you not care about the ickle students?"
The SO seemed to give a sigh, if Gaint Flwoers coudl sigh that is.
"If it will reduce the amount of Badfic, then it is allowed. We are badly swamped here."
Naomi let out a sigh of relief, glad she was not being punished, a bad idea.
"Naomi, why did you let this happen?"
Miss Kit nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome. I hope we can coordinate more with your university. We could really use the help."
"Hey, it wasn;t my fault," protested Naomi. "Miss Kit ran off before I could do anything.."
"I would welcome it." Saskua emitted a rumbling growl of agreement.
The SO gave the flower equivalent of a shrug.
"That is good. Naomi, we will talk later, once your Partner is back. I think you will be ready to tackle another of That Series.. Now, you are excused."
Naomi shuddered, but turned and headed to the door. She was definetly not going to enjoy the next mission.
Miss Kit walked beside her, Saskua winding between her legs. "That was successful."
Naomi looked over at Miss Kit and attempted to give her an Elven Death Glare (TM).
"For you anyway, and you owe me. My next mission will be a dreadful one."
Miss Kit laughed. "Owe you? What now? More chocolate? There's planets covered in the stuff, ya know."
"More chocolate would be nice, but, maybe an invitation to your OFU. After my nerxt mission, a vacation would be great."
Naomi shuddered, remembering her last mission in That Series.
"Feel free to visit," Miss Kit replied.
"Ahhh, Upstairs usually frowns on impromtu visits."
Miss Kit grinned. "I don't."
"Thanks, but well, you don;t have to answer to Flowers. I do. And well, after my next mission, I will efinately need a vacation. It's a yiffstar fic."
"I don't know the fandom, but it must be terrible."
"It's Redwall. And yeah, it is terrible."
Soon, they had arrived at Naomi's RC again, their distraction serving them in good steed,
"So, how is the OFU coming?"
"Overrun by students and minis." Miss Kit scoffed at the thought. "Students! In my university!"
Naomi stared at Miss Kit.
"Aren’t students supposed to be in your university?"
Naomi entered her RC, greeted by the screaming of the holw as the froglike creature hopped towards them, from where it had clearly had been annoyed the bound and gagged Sues.
"Not on my watch! Bloody nuisance. But I must educate them."
Naomi picked up the holw, then handed it to Miss Kit.
"Yeah. Say, would this help in educating the students? It spawned from my last mission in That Series."
"Ohhhh, pretty!" Miss Kit stared at it. "Does it act as a cattleprod?"
"I don't know. I do know that is screams alot, and it came out from the Sue's throat."
The froglike holw screamed louder.
"I shall make it part of the staff and plant it in the student quarters! Good find!"
The holw looked up at Miss Kit, as if it understood, then hopped onto her shoulder.
"Cool, I think it likes that."
"Awwwww! It's cute in a hideous way." Kitsune held out her hand to Naomi. "Nice to have met you. My regards to your partner."
Naomi shook the hand.
"Thanks. I will let him know once he gets unsued. I think he would enjoy going visiting your OFU."
"As long as he doesn't visit while the minis are in heat." Miss Kit snapped open a portal. "Did you want a couple? I need Sam, but you can have some if you want 'em."
"I would love to, but well, I think that you could make a nice example for your students."
Naomi had a wicked grin on her face.
"Say, think I coudl get a mini?"
"I thought you didn't like foxes," Miss Kit said, raising an eyebrow. "But other than that, take as many as you can feed. They mainly eat peanut butter and olive oil. But not too much of the latter. Spontaneous combustion is a real bugger."
"Oh, I can stand them, but minis are not exactly foxes. They are demon foxes, a difference. And thanks. It jsut too bad we aren;t allowed to take them on missions.
“Sure. Here's a list." Miss Kit handed over a small yet very thick book, severely foxed and very demoned.
Naomi took the list and put it on the Console.
"Thanks. Now, do you have to head back now, or do you want to join me at the Cafeteria for a bit? "
Miss Kit looked thoughtful. "Well, how fast can we not find it?"
"Pretty Fast, especially if you hit the wall. Why?"
Naomi started to head for the door.
Miss Kit trotted after her, minis on her heels. "Just wondering."
Naomi headed aimlessly throught the hallys. "So, any trouble in teh OFU so far? I heard the the HFA had some problems."
Miss Kit sighed. "The students always cause trouble. Think they can beat the system. Hah!"
Naomi laughed.
"And you;re always there to stop them, no? That's great."
Behind them, in the now empty RC, the Console BEEPED!!!! as a new message arrived.
[A.N Naomie} Tjhat was a werid mision. I am deifnately not lookign forward to my next mission.