*paces*
So there's something I need to do. Something important. But I'm so nervous. If I do it, it might help matters but on the same token it could very well just make things worse and more awkward. I could also end up hurt. I do not want that @_@ I don't want any of this to be going on! I thank everyone for their advice and kind words for my other big journal but the truth is, it's so much more complicated than I could even explain there. I just want it to be resolved but I don't know when or if that will happen. And if I say what I need to say, confess what needs to be confessed I could either make things easier or make it an even bigger mess!!
UGH! Could something please go right for me??!?! Please??? I'm stressed to the max what with school and all these new issues! I know they didn't mean to put me in the middle of everything but I am! I have one person who's upset about it plus other things and continues to think she's a bitch when she's not and then the other person is basically avoiding us for the most part or acting standoffish! I have no idea what to do! And I can't talk to my parents about all this until I go home! Which might just be next weekend >< But I just hate this! I care for them both, they're some of the closest friends I have in Denton (not gonna say in the FW area because I do have other awesome friends who know who they are) and they were the reason I even bothered to leave my dorm last semester and start enjoying my time here! I do owe them a lot but I know I need to do what's right for me. But I'll be honest, what's right for me is for them to not get mad at me or to maybe find another solution to this whole mess!!!
I don't even know what the next two months will be like if she comes to live with us as planned until the summer. Will it be awkward? Will there be too much tension? Will they end up fighting?! I don't want anything bad to happen! ><
I tried drinking last night but considering the fact Katy and I are still underage we didn't have much to drink since we couldn't buy anything. I didn't get nearly as drunk as I wanted to either >< I just wanted to at least forget my problems or hell confess what I needed to when I was drunk so it'd be easier to do!
God I just need a break from everything but I can't even take one! I probably can't even go out to the Richardson meet thing on Saturday because I have so much god damn homework and mur ~_~ I hate this! I don't want anyone mad at me, I don't want to hurt anyone but I also don't want to get hurt!
*bangs head on desk*
It's things like this that lead a person to want to smoke or drink >< the good thing is I'm basically allergic to smoking and I can't legally purchase alcohol but ugh ~_~