Book Warning
I bought two Thomas Wolfe books a while ago because they were .98 at Nine Lives Bookstore, and thick, meaty books with small font.
Specifically, I bought, You Can't Go Home Again and Of Time and the River.
Guys, this author... I cannot describe how painful it is. He is the most bombastic writer ever.
For evidence, I produce these two:
And what had he learned? A philisopher would not think it much, perhaps, yet in a simple human way it was a good deal. Just by living, by making the thousand little daily choices that his whole complex of heredity, environment, conscious thought, and deep emotion had driven him to make, and by taking the consequences, he had learned that he could not eat his cake and have it, too.
--Page 11
You think, "All of that? Just to quote a cliche?"
Yes. But wait! There's dialogue later on!
“Do I get fed, or not? Will you put your deft whismey in a steak?”
“Yes,” she said. “Would you like a steak?”
“Will you make these old eyes shine with a chop and a delicate dressing of young onions?”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
He came over and put her arms about her, his eyes searching hers in a look of love and hunger. “Will you make me one of your sauces that is subtle, searching, and hushed?”
“Yes,” She said. “Whatever you like, I will make it for you.”
“Why will you make it for me?” he asked.
It was like a ritual that both of them knew, and they fastened upon each word and answer because they were so eager to hear it from each other.
“Because I love you. Because I want to feed you and to love you.”
“Will it be good?” he said.
“It will be so good that there will be no words to tell its goodness,” she said. “It will be good because I am so good and beautiful, and because I can do everything better than any other woman you will ever know, and because I love you with all my heart and soul, and want to be a part of you.”
“Will this great love get into the food you cook for me?”
“It will be in every morsel that you eat. It will feed your hunger as you’ve never been fed before. It will be like a living miracle, and will make you better and richer as long as you live. You will never forget it. It will be a glory and a triumph."
“Then this will be such food as no one ever ate before,” he said.
“Yes,” she said. “It will be.”
--Page 15
For the record, try and read it out loud and attempt to make the parts where she repeats "yes" several times not porny. I dare you.
And all of this is just a warning, in case you get a hankering for some Thomas Wolfe. Avoid. Pick up Tom Wolfe instead. You'll thank me for it.
AND ALSO. WHY DOES THE MEDIA NOT CARE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN RUSSIA? 14 Russian jouranlists dying since Putin came into power (Putin. KGB. Remember?), Putin talking about revising the constitution so that he can "extend his presidency" (INTO FOREVER. LIKE THE DREAD DICTATOR CASTRO), and two ex-KGB being found with traces of polonium-120, which was used to kill a journalist who exposed Russian brutality to the Chechens.
But let's focus on Don Imus and American Idol instead, lol!
Kills me. On the bright side, am deriving endless amusement from picturing the face of the mailman when he delivers National Review and Rolling Stone to the same post office box.
--
Specifically, I bought, You Can't Go Home Again and Of Time and the River.
Guys, this author... I cannot describe how painful it is. He is the most bombastic writer ever.
For evidence, I produce these two:
And what had he learned? A philisopher would not think it much, perhaps, yet in a simple human way it was a good deal. Just by living, by making the thousand little daily choices that his whole complex of heredity, environment, conscious thought, and deep emotion had driven him to make, and by taking the consequences, he had learned that he could not eat his cake and have it, too.
--Page 11
You think, "All of that? Just to quote a cliche?"
Yes. But wait! There's dialogue later on!
“Do I get fed, or not? Will you put your deft whismey in a steak?”
“Yes,” she said. “Would you like a steak?”
“Will you make these old eyes shine with a chop and a delicate dressing of young onions?”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
He came over and put her arms about her, his eyes searching hers in a look of love and hunger. “Will you make me one of your sauces that is subtle, searching, and hushed?”
“Yes,” She said. “Whatever you like, I will make it for you.”
“Why will you make it for me?” he asked.
It was like a ritual that both of them knew, and they fastened upon each word and answer because they were so eager to hear it from each other.
“Because I love you. Because I want to feed you and to love you.”
“Will it be good?” he said.
“It will be so good that there will be no words to tell its goodness,” she said. “It will be good because I am so good and beautiful, and because I can do everything better than any other woman you will ever know, and because I love you with all my heart and soul, and want to be a part of you.”
“Will this great love get into the food you cook for me?”
“It will be in every morsel that you eat. It will feed your hunger as you’ve never been fed before. It will be like a living miracle, and will make you better and richer as long as you live. You will never forget it. It will be a glory and a triumph."
“Then this will be such food as no one ever ate before,” he said.
“Yes,” she said. “It will be.”
--Page 15
For the record, try and read it out loud and attempt to make the parts where she repeats "yes" several times not porny. I dare you.
And all of this is just a warning, in case you get a hankering for some Thomas Wolfe. Avoid. Pick up Tom Wolfe instead. You'll thank me for it.
AND ALSO. WHY DOES THE MEDIA NOT CARE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN RUSSIA? 14 Russian jouranlists dying since Putin came into power (Putin. KGB. Remember?), Putin talking about revising the constitution so that he can "extend his presidency" (INTO FOREVER. LIKE THE DREAD DICTATOR CASTRO), and two ex-KGB being found with traces of polonium-120, which was used to kill a journalist who exposed Russian brutality to the Chechens.
But let's focus on Don Imus and American Idol instead, lol!
Kills me. On the bright side, am deriving endless amusement from picturing the face of the mailman when he delivers National Review and Rolling Stone to the same post office box.
--