I like how evocative this is! It really sets a mood: the diner, the haze against the sun, her foot knocking against a glass bottle. I think you could do with expanding her meeting with the bloke, though? I understand why she goes with him, but it just seems too sudden. Maybe you could say what exactly the signal is that passes between them? :-? Oh, and when you say "She never pretended with him, never felt the need to." the word "never" suggests that she already knows this guy. I don't know if that was what you were going for or not.
I wouldn't describe the diner any more than you have done already. If you did I think the whole thing would just have too much description. :-? Besides, the waitress and the disgusting food and the fly suggest what sort of a diner it is anyway. :))
As for the endings, I actually prefer the second one! But I'm outvoted there. :)) Go with whichever one feels right to you.
Oh, and I noticed one spelling mistake: "she was silenly thankful."
I heard a song and immediately thought of this story and just wrote it in one go one night.
And also I've always wanted to be a writer, and I realized that it's never going to happen unless I actually start practicing again--not including fanfiction. So I've been toying with a bunch of short stories, gradually honing and such. I'm trying to work them up to publishable quality, which is why I so appreciate feedback.
I feel as if I'm not good enough to publish yet, but with a little bit more experience, possibly soon or at least someday.
And this was a ridiculously long reply for such an easy question.
Oh, I love it when that happens - when inspiration just hits out of nowhere and I end up writing a short story all at once. I think they always turn out better than when I do it in bits and pieces? Well, I imagine a novel would have to be done over a long period of time... but you know. For short stories and such. :))
Good for you! I love writing but I still feel like I can't be a writer. :-? Part of me doesn't really WANT to publish stuff... idk why. And I'm scared to post things and ask for feedback in case it's really negative alkdsjhf :-" But good luck with your writing! I think you're already at a higher standard than some of the rubbish that gets published (haha) so keep it up. :D
I wouldn't describe the diner any more than you have done already. If you did I think the whole thing would just have too much description. :-? Besides, the waitress and the disgusting food and the fly suggest what sort of a diner it is anyway. :))
As for the endings, I actually prefer the second one! But I'm outvoted there. :)) Go with whichever one feels right to you.
Oh, and I noticed one spelling mistake: "she was silenly thankful."
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LOL. I liked the second one best, actually, so it's good to hear someone else shares my taste.
Ooh, thanks! It's been corrected. :))
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Just out of interest, is this for class or what? :-?
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I heard a song and immediately thought of this story and just wrote it in one go one night.
And also I've always wanted to be a writer, and I realized that it's never going to happen unless I actually start practicing again--not including fanfiction. So I've been toying with a bunch of short stories, gradually honing and such. I'm trying to work them up to publishable quality, which is why I so appreciate feedback.
I feel as if I'm not good enough to publish yet, but with a little bit more experience, possibly soon or at least someday.
And this was a ridiculously long reply for such an easy question.
Reply
Good for you! I love writing but I still feel like I can't be a writer. :-? Part of me doesn't really WANT to publish stuff... idk why. And I'm scared to post things and ask for feedback in case it's really negative alkdsjhf :-" But good luck with your writing! I think you're already at a higher standard than some of the rubbish that gets published (haha) so keep it up. :D
Reply
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