Troublemaker [1/5]

[kitsie_chan]

  Title : Troublemaker
Genre : Romance/Fluff
Rating : PG13 - 15
Pairing : Misu/Shingyouji
Disclaimer : I can only dream of owning Takumi-kun and its characters. But the plot is mine! xD
Summary : .Shingyouji had always been easily worried. How could someone as gorgeous as Arata-san actually choose him? Misu's always been confident that Shingyouji would

Comments

[viherkyn]

It's really nice to read Arata/Shingyouji fics since they're very rare. I think this has quite much potential so I am looking forward for the next chapter. I especially want to read more about Arata, I think you managed to capture his voice quite well.

After saying that, I do have some criticism but I hope I don't offend you. I like this fic, otherwise I wouldn't be bothered to say anything. I'm personally not fan of using too much Japanse in fics that are in English though in some cases, and with some words, it works. But for example, the "yabai", "de" (did you mean "ne" or "na"?) and "hajimemashite" did not work in my opinion. Good morning is "ohayou", without the i. Like I said, I personally am not a fan of over-using Japanese (few words are okay though if they fit the mood and situation) so feel free to disregard this.

You might want to consider getting a beta. The tense changes between present and past at some points and there are some typos, A beta could also help with the pace, it feels quite fast right now.

I really hope I didn't offend you with any of this and I will end this comment in a positive note; I very much like this part:

Perhaps it was because he was used to how Misu usually ordered him around, but when his lover started being this way with him, inadvertently a blush would always rise on his cheeks. And oh, Misu did so love seeing his shy lover’s cheeks get tinged with the blood rising.

[kitsie_chan]

Sankyuuu! Mmm, I try to not to use too much Japanese in fics too, so I totally get what you mean (also cause I'm not too good with the romanization, my japanese teacher hates me romanizing them so she doesn't teach me any. xD), but I tend to use some for the heck of it. And mmm, I meant for the pace to be fast. I initially planned for this to be a one shot, but it started getting a little too long and spanned a couple of days, so I turned it in to a short fic instead. Its never meant to be long anyway. xP

As for a beta, I take creative writing and authorship for my major in school, so when it comes to fic writing, I'm actually too lazy to find a beta and be more formal, as its a hobby I do. Excuse the laziness, but unless the grammar's too glaringly obvious I'm just too lazy to find a beta. *shot*

Sorry if my laziness rubs off the wrong way, my friends has scolded me many many times for being too lazy. Heh. xP But I am happy that you enjoyed it (I think?)!! And yes, Arata/Shingyouji fics are so rare, I feel like crying. T_T