Er, it's me again.
Oh livejournal, it looks like I’ve abandoned you. I’ve got the depression again, which isn’t much worth typing about. And I’ve been having major anxiety when I try to write, anyway, which is probably just a side effect. Seriously, I stare at blank text boxes for hours trying to respond to a simple e-mail from my grandma. And I don’t call anyone to check in, or make plans for the weekend, or tell my boyfriend how I’m having crazy nightmares and waking up at three in the morning everynight unless I’m STRONGLY prompted to. I’ve done some cleaning this week, though, and I think that there is so much thinking built up at this point that the floodgates might open at any moment if I just start typing.
I’m still hovering around reading you, if that counts for anything without comments. Everybody’s lives are so exciting these days! Asking hot people out and totally getting their numbers, going to amazing concerts, getting awesome jobs, ingesting weird stuff, being happy about new boyfriends…you guys are ending the year with style! Of course, I’ve seen some sad stuff, too, but mostly neat things.
Uh, so, other than having some sort of writer’s block and sleeping a lot I guess things are going pretty well for me. I’m about to start being a full time employee at work. I can get overtime and have health insurance and I get a little office of my own to work in for the afternoon. I actually beat a video game, and completed an adorable knitting project, and successfully made lemoncello and arancello, (Citrus infused vodka! Oh my gods!) so my life is not all failure and unfinished business! I am certainly not unhappy, just really hard on myself. I’ve been playing well in my D&D groups, I am kind of proud to have learned a new kind of game.
At work, where I am a front desk receptionist/Administrative assistant person, HR puts on a “Thanksgiving Feast.” They bring the turkey and ham, we bring the sides and have a lunch party. (“We” is, like, 600+ engineers and staff.) One of my coworkers is a very grumpy (old, large) guy who has recently had surgery on his legs. He uses a walker on good days and sports a wheelchair on bad ones. I say he is grumpy, because he has literally yelled at me for holding the door for him, which is just what a polite person does in my world, you know? It was real embarrassing for me. I still try to say good morning to him when he comes into work, but he never responds. Perhaps he is hard of hearing, I don’t know.
Anyway, keeping this in mind, on my way out of the lobby to go to the Thanksgiving thing, I cross paths with this particular unpleasant fellow. In his wheelchair. (To complete this picture, I am carrying a large glass plate of homemade pretzels, and trouncing around in heels.) “Hi, Wylie!” I say, brightly, “Are you headed over to the Thanksgiving blah blah blah too?” To which he replies: “Yes. Good. You can help me out to my car, I need to get something out of it.” Uh, okay?
So I walk out to his car, and he’s like, “Here, get the bread out of the passenger seat.” I do. And I try to hand it to him. “Good, you can carry it over for me.” He says. Riiight. So we start walking down the sidewalk to the building the party’s at together and he’s like, “I’m going to take out the brakes, it’s way faster that way.” I am a few steps ahead of him, so that we both fit on the sidewalk and all of a sudden I hear “Uhmph!” behind me and I turn around to find he’s flipped his chair backwards, and dumped his rather large body headfirst onto the sidewalk. His legs are sticking up in the air, one of his flip-flops has fallen off and he’s just laying there stunned and I am… trying not to laugh. I know, I am a horrible person. I know, okay?
So I’m hopping around on the sidewalk holding all this food yelling “Ohmigods, Wylie, are you okay? Wylie! Did you hit your head? How can I help? Ohmigods!” He just says ”I’m going to need some help back into my chair.” I have no idea how I’m going to be able to help this guy who’s easily three times my size into his chair and I’m still choking back the giggles of panic and it is awful, and I don’t want to touch him, when two friendly strangers stop and get him up. Then one of them walked all the way to the party with us and made really normal small-talk like nothing happened which is the only reason I didn’t explode. When I finally got away, I found the lady’s room and laughed until I cried.
Short version: I laughed at a person with a handicap when they fell out of their chair on the sidewalk next to me and it was the highlight of my thanksgiving.
I’m still hovering around reading you, if that counts for anything without comments. Everybody’s lives are so exciting these days! Asking hot people out and totally getting their numbers, going to amazing concerts, getting awesome jobs, ingesting weird stuff, being happy about new boyfriends…you guys are ending the year with style! Of course, I’ve seen some sad stuff, too, but mostly neat things.
Uh, so, other than having some sort of writer’s block and sleeping a lot I guess things are going pretty well for me. I’m about to start being a full time employee at work. I can get overtime and have health insurance and I get a little office of my own to work in for the afternoon. I actually beat a video game, and completed an adorable knitting project, and successfully made lemoncello and arancello, (Citrus infused vodka! Oh my gods!) so my life is not all failure and unfinished business! I am certainly not unhappy, just really hard on myself. I’ve been playing well in my D&D groups, I am kind of proud to have learned a new kind of game.
At work, where I am a front desk receptionist/Administrative assistant person, HR puts on a “Thanksgiving Feast.” They bring the turkey and ham, we bring the sides and have a lunch party. (“We” is, like, 600+ engineers and staff.) One of my coworkers is a very grumpy (old, large) guy who has recently had surgery on his legs. He uses a walker on good days and sports a wheelchair on bad ones. I say he is grumpy, because he has literally yelled at me for holding the door for him, which is just what a polite person does in my world, you know? It was real embarrassing for me. I still try to say good morning to him when he comes into work, but he never responds. Perhaps he is hard of hearing, I don’t know.
Anyway, keeping this in mind, on my way out of the lobby to go to the Thanksgiving thing, I cross paths with this particular unpleasant fellow. In his wheelchair. (To complete this picture, I am carrying a large glass plate of homemade pretzels, and trouncing around in heels.) “Hi, Wylie!” I say, brightly, “Are you headed over to the Thanksgiving blah blah blah too?” To which he replies: “Yes. Good. You can help me out to my car, I need to get something out of it.” Uh, okay?
So I walk out to his car, and he’s like, “Here, get the bread out of the passenger seat.” I do. And I try to hand it to him. “Good, you can carry it over for me.” He says. Riiight. So we start walking down the sidewalk to the building the party’s at together and he’s like, “I’m going to take out the brakes, it’s way faster that way.” I am a few steps ahead of him, so that we both fit on the sidewalk and all of a sudden I hear “Uhmph!” behind me and I turn around to find he’s flipped his chair backwards, and dumped his rather large body headfirst onto the sidewalk. His legs are sticking up in the air, one of his flip-flops has fallen off and he’s just laying there stunned and I am… trying not to laugh. I know, I am a horrible person. I know, okay?
So I’m hopping around on the sidewalk holding all this food yelling “Ohmigods, Wylie, are you okay? Wylie! Did you hit your head? How can I help? Ohmigods!” He just says ”I’m going to need some help back into my chair.” I have no idea how I’m going to be able to help this guy who’s easily three times my size into his chair and I’m still choking back the giggles of panic and it is awful, and I don’t want to touch him, when two friendly strangers stop and get him up. Then one of them walked all the way to the party with us and made really normal small-talk like nothing happened which is the only reason I didn’t explode. When I finally got away, I found the lady’s room and laughed until I cried.
Short version: I laughed at a person with a handicap when they fell out of their chair on the sidewalk next to me and it was the highlight of my thanksgiving.