Why I Moved My Journal
I did have a journal on Blogger, namely http://christophertmoss.blogspot.com where I was keeping a mostly toned down record of my thoughts and actions about transitioning FTM. Toned down because I knew my SO would be able to read it and I did not want him seeimg things he might misinterpret or take issue with while I am still formulating.
Trouble is... he did read it. Nothing wrong with that, it wasn't private. The trouble is that he did misread or misunderstand something and also criticized my posts.
I will have to look this up, but he told me angrily that he read that I chose not to cut my hair as short as I wanted as a concessiion to him. He was angry about the fact I had spent $45 on a hairbut I did not want. That is simply not true, and I told him this already. I decided I wanted a hairbut from the 18th century, a queue, like Lord John would wear. I said that at least twice. And it is true. I did choose that length. What this tells me is that he cannot be trusted to reaqd what I actually say and not reinterpret it.
He criticized my typos. He's right, I am terrible with typos. He said "You want to be taken seriously, but you won't if your typos are so bad no one can read what you write."
That was not the worst of it. He went on to say, "I don't care how you dress or you look. That never has been a problem. But when it comes to changing your body, that we will have to talk about before you do it."
What "we", straight man?
I am frankly getting tired of being fair game for crirticism of so much of what I do. Then he tells me I lack confidence in my abilities... gee, I wonder why? I know I am letting all this happen, and it is time to stop., This is my body. I would not expect him to pay for surgery or hormones, but he doesn't get to say what I do with my body. Isn''t that Feminism 101?
I kbnow he is going through a lot,m but he too often turns his frustration or fear into poor treatment of me. That has to stop.
Funny, sometime ago he said "I'm afraid of losing you." Believe me, my transition won't lose me.. but his reaction to it can. He is far more likely to reject me than I am to reject him, in terms of transitioning.
So though it is possible my SO will be able to find this blog, I am making it clear by not posting the web address publicly that I dobn't want him to.
Why would anayone go through all this if it wasn't important?
I will fix the typos later.
Trouble is... he did read it. Nothing wrong with that, it wasn't private. The trouble is that he did misread or misunderstand something and also criticized my posts.
I will have to look this up, but he told me angrily that he read that I chose not to cut my hair as short as I wanted as a concessiion to him. He was angry about the fact I had spent $45 on a hairbut I did not want. That is simply not true, and I told him this already. I decided I wanted a hairbut from the 18th century, a queue, like Lord John would wear. I said that at least twice. And it is true. I did choose that length. What this tells me is that he cannot be trusted to reaqd what I actually say and not reinterpret it.
He criticized my typos. He's right, I am terrible with typos. He said "You want to be taken seriously, but you won't if your typos are so bad no one can read what you write."
That was not the worst of it. He went on to say, "I don't care how you dress or you look. That never has been a problem. But when it comes to changing your body, that we will have to talk about before you do it."
What "we", straight man?
I am frankly getting tired of being fair game for crirticism of so much of what I do. Then he tells me I lack confidence in my abilities... gee, I wonder why? I know I am letting all this happen, and it is time to stop., This is my body. I would not expect him to pay for surgery or hormones, but he doesn't get to say what I do with my body. Isn''t that Feminism 101?
I kbnow he is going through a lot,m but he too often turns his frustration or fear into poor treatment of me. That has to stop.
Funny, sometime ago he said "I'm afraid of losing you." Believe me, my transition won't lose me.. but his reaction to it can. He is far more likely to reject me than I am to reject him, in terms of transitioning.
So though it is possible my SO will be able to find this blog, I am making it clear by not posting the web address publicly that I dobn't want him to.
Why would anayone go through all this if it wasn't important?
I will fix the typos later.