Spider-Man Fic: The Pretend Gumshoe
This is a 475 word Spider-Man fic (featuring Penny Parker) for the Weekend Challenge at 1_million_words ENJOY!
Penny Parker wasn’t the sort of person who forced her opinions on others.
If she found out that someone favored vanilla or strawberry ice cream over chocolate, she didn’t try and convince them that chocolate was the superior flavor.
Penny very firmly believed in the motto “Live and let live.”
Of course that was until she found out that Betty Brant actually liked the TV show Nancy Drew and Penny’s philosophy went right out the window.
Betty, the girl Penny introduced to her best friend Ned Leeds because she intuitively knew the two would be perfect for each other, but who Penny now realized was an easily bamboozled double agent with a questionable taste level.
“Brant, you could offer me all of the paper money in the tri-state area, Confederate currency not with standing, and I will still never watch that ‘Nancy Drew in name only’ television show ever again.”
But before Betty could even open her mouth to defend her viewing choices, Penny was already in full rant-mode.
“First, it’s deeply wrong that the show is set in Horseshoe Bay and not River Heights, so to placate the fangirls, the writers decides to have the Drews live on River Heights Drive? But I guess we’re supposed to forget the episode that featured a van with River Heights Cleaners clearly emblazoned on it?”
Betty tried to reply but Penny quickly shushed her. “Don’t answer that. Instead, tell me if Nancy’s having attending Keene High School makes up for the fact that George and Bess aren’t her best friends nor are they even cousins? And the writers inexplicably changed George’s last name from Fayne to Fan and Ned Nickerson is now called Nick because apparently Ned isn’t a cool enough first name?”
Penny then fixed Betty with a deadly look. “You should definitely be offended by that, if only for your boyfriend’s sake.”
At those words, Betty did look down in shame, but Penny’s diatribe wasn’t about to be derailed. “And how insulting for this once great character to be getting her information from ghosts and the supernatural instead of Nancy’s being the girl detective she’s literally supposed to be and ferreting out clues herself?”
Penny took a deep breath before delivering her final smack down. “But you want to know the actual worst thing this show has done? Nancy isn’t even Carson and Katherine Drew’s biological daughter. Instead, her birth parents are the town’s murdered Sea Queen Lucy Sable and Ryan Hudson, jackass rich guy.”
Penny shook her head sorrowfully as she finally calmed down, but she still had to ask Betty one last question: “Betty, how can you call yourself a true Nancy Drew fan after watching this revisionist crap?”
Betty’s eyes were filled with tears as she made her final admission. “Look, I just think the actor playing Ace Hardy is cute okay?”