Star Trek (AOS) Fic: Bless Your Heart
This is a 615 word Star trek drabble for the Weekend Challenge at 1_million_words ENJOY!!
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, this sure is a pretty planet.” McCoy eyed the blazing sun carefully before he amended his statement. “Pretty, but awfully warm.”
After five years of near constant companionship, Jim was used to the strange sayings his friend often uttered but it was clear their Vulcan First Officer was flummoxed by Bones’ colloquialisms.
Indeed, it was about a minute later before Bones’ exclaimed again, confusing Spock even further. “Good LORD, it’s so hot you could pull a baked potato right out of the ground!”
At that, Spock was forced to pause his examination of a stem of a particularly thorny flower to try and comprehend the doctor’s words.
Jim wanted to explain that it was best to not even try to decipher Bones’ words, but he just shook his head and reached out to touch the stem.
“Dammit Jim,” McCoy shouted, startling both men, “the flower could’ve been poisonous.” Jim quickly jerked his hand back, trying to be as captainly as possible while he did it.
McCoy continued lecturing, apparently not noticing Jim’s reaction. “I swear, sometimes I don’t think you have the sense God promised a billy goat on a good day.”
At this, both Spock and Jim stopped even attempting to explore the flora and fauna, and instead, they exchanged mildly exasperated looks as their friend forged on with his one sided diatribe.
~~~~
The mission had been a complete success: Jim and Spock had not only managed to negotiate a peace treaty between the war-like Kandorians and their peaceful neighbors the Quintonians, but they also opened up talks for both planets to join the Federation.
The Enterprise’s senior officers were enjoying the banquet provided by the ambassador from Kandor when one of the Quinton senators abruptly threw his drink on the floor.
Jim watched as the Quintonian ambassador moved to intercept the irate senator and Jim himself started towards the squabbling pair when Bones’ dry drawl reached his ears.
“Mind yourself Jim, that senator’s madder than a mule chewing on bumblebees.”
Spock paused in the middle of his conversation with Uhura to openly gawk. “I mean, it’s no skin off my nose if you want to do that, but I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
~~~
Spock was hoping to have a private word with the captain before their shift began but as he made his way to the mess hall, he saw that Dr. McCoy was already seated with the captain and they were talking animatedly, Jim frequently laughing as he and McCoy conversed.
He tried to hide his consternation but he must not have been quick enough because McCoy elbowed the still chortling captain. “What’s wrong Spock? You looked confused, as if you don’t know if you should scratch your watch or wind your ass.”
At those words, Jim, Spock and anyone within hearing distance of their table, stopped in complete surprise, the confusion clearly written on their faces
Leonard McCoy, doctor, scholar and a true Southern gentleman, gazed placidly back at his friends and crewmates.
He stood up slowly, smiled as kindly as he could before he delivered the following gems of wisdom. “Now, I'm fixin' to go down to sickbay, but there are two things you should always remember: Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco and never eat corn through a picket fence.”
Everyone was silent for about five seconds, and Spock barely opened his mouth before McCoy spoke again. “Now, I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”
And with those words, McCoy departed.
Jim looked at Spock’s face before he started laughing again. “Man, am I glad I’m from Iowa!”
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, this sure is a pretty planet.” McCoy eyed the blazing sun carefully before he amended his statement. “Pretty, but awfully warm.”
After five years of near constant companionship, Jim was used to the strange sayings his friend often uttered but it was clear their Vulcan First Officer was flummoxed by Bones’ colloquialisms.
Indeed, it was about a minute later before Bones’ exclaimed again, confusing Spock even further. “Good LORD, it’s so hot you could pull a baked potato right out of the ground!”
At that, Spock was forced to pause his examination of a stem of a particularly thorny flower to try and comprehend the doctor’s words.
Jim wanted to explain that it was best to not even try to decipher Bones’ words, but he just shook his head and reached out to touch the stem.
“Dammit Jim,” McCoy shouted, startling both men, “the flower could’ve been poisonous.” Jim quickly jerked his hand back, trying to be as captainly as possible while he did it.
McCoy continued lecturing, apparently not noticing Jim’s reaction. “I swear, sometimes I don’t think you have the sense God promised a billy goat on a good day.”
At this, both Spock and Jim stopped even attempting to explore the flora and fauna, and instead, they exchanged mildly exasperated looks as their friend forged on with his one sided diatribe.
~~~~
The mission had been a complete success: Jim and Spock had not only managed to negotiate a peace treaty between the war-like Kandorians and their peaceful neighbors the Quintonians, but they also opened up talks for both planets to join the Federation.
The Enterprise’s senior officers were enjoying the banquet provided by the ambassador from Kandor when one of the Quinton senators abruptly threw his drink on the floor.
Jim watched as the Quintonian ambassador moved to intercept the irate senator and Jim himself started towards the squabbling pair when Bones’ dry drawl reached his ears.
“Mind yourself Jim, that senator’s madder than a mule chewing on bumblebees.”
Spock paused in the middle of his conversation with Uhura to openly gawk. “I mean, it’s no skin off my nose if you want to do that, but I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
~~~
Spock was hoping to have a private word with the captain before their shift began but as he made his way to the mess hall, he saw that Dr. McCoy was already seated with the captain and they were talking animatedly, Jim frequently laughing as he and McCoy conversed.
He tried to hide his consternation but he must not have been quick enough because McCoy elbowed the still chortling captain. “What’s wrong Spock? You looked confused, as if you don’t know if you should scratch your watch or wind your ass.”
At those words, Jim, Spock and anyone within hearing distance of their table, stopped in complete surprise, the confusion clearly written on their faces
Leonard McCoy, doctor, scholar and a true Southern gentleman, gazed placidly back at his friends and crewmates.
He stood up slowly, smiled as kindly as he could before he delivered the following gems of wisdom. “Now, I'm fixin' to go down to sickbay, but there are two things you should always remember: Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco and never eat corn through a picket fence.”
Everyone was silent for about five seconds, and Spock barely opened his mouth before McCoy spoke again. “Now, I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”
And with those words, McCoy departed.
Jim looked at Spock’s face before he started laughing again. “Man, am I glad I’m from Iowa!”