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Jul 08, 2005 00:10

I'm about to go to bed but I just wanted to get something off my mind. I'm tired of feeling like the odd man out everywhere I live... my apartment and my house. Sometimes, I feel like my roommates are greatly looking forward to my departure... like I don't belong anymore, I'm just temporarily living with them for the next 2 weeks. I won't go into great detail but I am especially fed up with one in particular. Things have gotten worse, and I've tried to make them better by inviting her to a last roomie dinner w/me & Amy, but that had absolutely no effect. So oh well. I can only do so much. It's not like I have any desire to be her friend, but I was just trying to make nice and just have one nice roomie dinner to look back on our memories of the past year and I still get treated like shit. Whatever. I'm over it. And at my house, I don't feel like I'm wanted there either. My sisters aren't very nice to me. Everytime I talk, Carolyn goes "shhhhh!!!!" That started when I was a baby. When I would cry, she would yell "Shut up baby! Shut up!" Keep in mind that she's only 14 months older than me, so she was maybe like 2 years old. Maybe that's why I'm a quiet person... I was never allowed to talk, lol. My sisters have told me they don't think our house is big enough for 4 people anymore. I just gotta keep telling myself it's only for 4.5 months, then I'm gonna be married & I get to live with Adam. I was dog-sitting w/my mom for one of her friends from work the past few days, and I miss her. I miss when it was just me & her when my sisters were at school. Things were so less... dramatic & conflicted. I could talk to her whenever I wanted without someone scolding "shhhh!!!!" at me, I could have conversations with her w/out someone telling me how stupid I am or interjecting their nasty comments into it. I love my sisters, but they can be so freaking mean sometimes. And that's not to say I'm never mean to them, I am, but I think I lash out because they make me feel so horrible sometimes. Oh well... 2 more weeks in my apartment and then 4.5 months at home... I think I'll live.
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