I didn't realize it till you ghost came

[kitkatstr]

Eyes lids lose over my eyes my brain wanders to a place that is familiar and strange
It was wonderful to forget about the truth about everything about me
to feel desired - as I think i should be.
You weren't there directly
The idea of you lingered in my head
after all was resolved for me
revenge filled my thoughts about you
how to make you feel a certain way
good or bad did not matter but control did.

I start to die every time i take a stoke
always moving against an unforgiving current
i count the the things that make it worth it
And you aren't there directly
Although the chance of seeing you,
one in one million,
I want to look amazing for me
But the idea of making you jealous?
good or bad does not matter but the idea motivates me

I play the heart ache music that has helped me through so much
speaking to me though a slow rhythm
hoping that someone, someday, thinks about me this way
You can't be there directly
You hurt me too much
My jade color heart will not allow it
the wall that surrounds your picture in my mind
is to strong to be blown away buy one lyric
good or bad it doesn't matter, I'm just guessing the feeling is still there.