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I actually am not sure what to write about. This is more like my paper journal, where I spew whatever I'm thinking. It's not the sort of things normally done in blogs, where the knowledge of a (potential) reader keeps you decent and coherent, like the difference between going to the post office to drop off a letter at 11 PM (pajamas) and 11 AM (fully clothed, hair brushed!).
Since my 4 AM revelation, I dislike my job. I have disdain for it. I am resolved never again to make sandwiches or pour coffee for work, unless I am the boss, or unless economic necessity requires it. The worst is when I'm trying to close and it's steadily busy, so I can't clean. I put all kinds of ridiculous pressure on myself to finish on time, and it's truly ridiculous, because the worst thing that could possibly happen might be that the cashier and I clock out a few minutes late. If I'm going to stress out at work, and I know I will, I want to stress over something other than unwashed dishes and annoying children wanting apres ski PBJs before the family trundles back to New York or Connecticut in their luxury minivan.
I suggested something to Tim that was romantic and he seemed all into it but then says there are "logistic difficulties" and "we'll talk about it," which means "no." The world can be divided into all kinds of dualities and here is one: there are two kinds of people in this world, those who think nothing of going out of the way (like, several hours out of the way) to spend a quality hour with a friend or loved one, and those who do. Yes, I'm grumpy because I miss my long-term, long-distance boyfriend and I'm acting a little selfish and entitled and pouting about it on Livejournal.
My god, I'm a complainy pants. Speaking of god or God I've been haphazard with the capitalization lately. Is g/God something concentrated, or is g/God everything? And when we die, if there's an afterlife, do we get to find out how all the connections really worked? Do we get to know what people thought of us (there I go with my patterns)? Are the unanswered questions (like, "Why did I get released from the job I used to have?") answered? And do we get to see everyone again? My friend Ganey is getting ready to move to Alaska, and he was at my house when I came home, giving stuff away. At least, I think that's why he was here. He gave me running snowshoes and his old backpack, for no reason other than he doesn't need them and I walked in the door at the right time. Gill and I walked with Ganey down to his truck to get the gear, and he said goodbye to us again (Ganey's been saying goodbye all week), and I said, "See you around, Ganey." Which is what I always say when parting for an unknown and possibly infinite period of time. So will I see him around, and all the other people I've said that to? If so, it can only conceivably happen in some kind of other plane of existence.
I'm gonna end this riff now and go to bed, so I can get up early and go walk in the snow with the dog. See you around.
Since my 4 AM revelation, I dislike my job. I have disdain for it. I am resolved never again to make sandwiches or pour coffee for work, unless I am the boss, or unless economic necessity requires it. The worst is when I'm trying to close and it's steadily busy, so I can't clean. I put all kinds of ridiculous pressure on myself to finish on time, and it's truly ridiculous, because the worst thing that could possibly happen might be that the cashier and I clock out a few minutes late. If I'm going to stress out at work, and I know I will, I want to stress over something other than unwashed dishes and annoying children wanting apres ski PBJs before the family trundles back to New York or Connecticut in their luxury minivan.
I suggested something to Tim that was romantic and he seemed all into it but then says there are "logistic difficulties" and "we'll talk about it," which means "no." The world can be divided into all kinds of dualities and here is one: there are two kinds of people in this world, those who think nothing of going out of the way (like, several hours out of the way) to spend a quality hour with a friend or loved one, and those who do. Yes, I'm grumpy because I miss my long-term, long-distance boyfriend and I'm acting a little selfish and entitled and pouting about it on Livejournal.
My god, I'm a complainy pants. Speaking of god or God I've been haphazard with the capitalization lately. Is g/God something concentrated, or is g/God everything? And when we die, if there's an afterlife, do we get to find out how all the connections really worked? Do we get to know what people thought of us (there I go with my patterns)? Are the unanswered questions (like, "Why did I get released from the job I used to have?") answered? And do we get to see everyone again? My friend Ganey is getting ready to move to Alaska, and he was at my house when I came home, giving stuff away. At least, I think that's why he was here. He gave me running snowshoes and his old backpack, for no reason other than he doesn't need them and I walked in the door at the right time. Gill and I walked with Ganey down to his truck to get the gear, and he said goodbye to us again (Ganey's been saying goodbye all week), and I said, "See you around, Ganey." Which is what I always say when parting for an unknown and possibly infinite period of time. So will I see him around, and all the other people I've said that to? If so, it can only conceivably happen in some kind of other plane of existence.
I'm gonna end this riff now and go to bed, so I can get up early and go walk in the snow with the dog. See you around.