it's been a while
Wow, it's really been forever since I've posted anything here.
I don't even know if anyone reads these things anymore, haha.
It's the last day of Thanksgiving break... I go back to the boro tomorrow. I've really been missing everybody... I don't know how I'm going to survive Christmas break. I mean, I love being at home with my family but at the same time I miss sitting in my living room talking to Frannie and Alyssa, I miss doing homework over at Adam's (rather than on my home's living room couch like I should be right now, lol), I miss going to show choir practice and seeing everybody there, etc. etc.
I've learned a lot over this break, lol. I know it's only a week, but ya know.
I've realized how much my dad's family stresses me out. I mean, I love them nonetheless but they really do cause me a lot of stress.
My grandmother's getting more scatterbrained by the minute. I thought she'd be interested in seeing my show choir video from last year and she sasid she was but she barely paid any attention. Then she kept getting up to answer the phone and check on the turkey and stuff. But whatever.
My grandpa has been having a lot of back pain lately. He's 92, so that's kind of a big deal. He's been having dizzy spells and stuff and keeps falling down. But now I know where I get a lot of my independence from besides my mother... my grandpa is the same way. He doesn't want anyone to help him.
My uncle is as critical as ever. He thinks he knows everything and it pisses me off. It's impossible to have a discussion about anything, because he automatically writes you off as being wrong about everything and takes it as his personal responsibility to correct you about life. He took one look at my show choir dvd and kept making snide comments about "noise" and how it "doesn't look hard at all, why is it so impressive?" Alright, well why don't you try to sing and dance at the same time while not only worrying about the words you're singing as well as how you sound while you're singing it, but also the dance steps and the certain techniques of dance you've been taught. Oh, and add in acting techniques, emotions according to the specific song you're singing, and oh yeah, worry about how you're looking overall on stage from costume to hair to makeup. When you can do that perfectly, come back to me and show me.
I'm always in the spotlight in that house. I'm the baby of my grandma's baby. I'm the youngest grandchild and, according to my grandmother, the only one who hasn't disappointed her in some way. No pressure. But Chris married a mixed man, Ryan dropped out of college, Ellen and Erin lived with their fiances before marrying them, and Lauren had a baby with a black man without being married to him. I, apparently, am the perfect grandchild. Again, no pressure. I'm expected to be amazing at everything I do, but it seems that whenever I get praise, it's all expected. It feels like when people say good job, it's almost like they're saying "good job for doing exactly what we expect of you. We expect nothing less". They're completely waiting for me to fail, just so I can be written off as a disappointment.
I don't get it.
But what I do get is how much pressure has been put on me since I was little. I'm just now old enough and mature enough to realize it. I think this has been a subconcious root of a lot of my confidence problems growing up.
SIIIIIIGH
But it's ok, because I'm home now. And I'm going back to Statesboro tomorrow. Where I will have show choir practice, and finish some homework.
Speaking of which, I might try to finish a few things before I go to bed.
Screw that, I'm tired.
Goodnight, Internet!
I don't even know if anyone reads these things anymore, haha.
It's the last day of Thanksgiving break... I go back to the boro tomorrow. I've really been missing everybody... I don't know how I'm going to survive Christmas break. I mean, I love being at home with my family but at the same time I miss sitting in my living room talking to Frannie and Alyssa, I miss doing homework over at Adam's (rather than on my home's living room couch like I should be right now, lol), I miss going to show choir practice and seeing everybody there, etc. etc.
I've learned a lot over this break, lol. I know it's only a week, but ya know.
I've realized how much my dad's family stresses me out. I mean, I love them nonetheless but they really do cause me a lot of stress.
My grandmother's getting more scatterbrained by the minute. I thought she'd be interested in seeing my show choir video from last year and she sasid she was but she barely paid any attention. Then she kept getting up to answer the phone and check on the turkey and stuff. But whatever.
My grandpa has been having a lot of back pain lately. He's 92, so that's kind of a big deal. He's been having dizzy spells and stuff and keeps falling down. But now I know where I get a lot of my independence from besides my mother... my grandpa is the same way. He doesn't want anyone to help him.
My uncle is as critical as ever. He thinks he knows everything and it pisses me off. It's impossible to have a discussion about anything, because he automatically writes you off as being wrong about everything and takes it as his personal responsibility to correct you about life. He took one look at my show choir dvd and kept making snide comments about "noise" and how it "doesn't look hard at all, why is it so impressive?" Alright, well why don't you try to sing and dance at the same time while not only worrying about the words you're singing as well as how you sound while you're singing it, but also the dance steps and the certain techniques of dance you've been taught. Oh, and add in acting techniques, emotions according to the specific song you're singing, and oh yeah, worry about how you're looking overall on stage from costume to hair to makeup. When you can do that perfectly, come back to me and show me.
I'm always in the spotlight in that house. I'm the baby of my grandma's baby. I'm the youngest grandchild and, according to my grandmother, the only one who hasn't disappointed her in some way. No pressure. But Chris married a mixed man, Ryan dropped out of college, Ellen and Erin lived with their fiances before marrying them, and Lauren had a baby with a black man without being married to him. I, apparently, am the perfect grandchild. Again, no pressure. I'm expected to be amazing at everything I do, but it seems that whenever I get praise, it's all expected. It feels like when people say good job, it's almost like they're saying "good job for doing exactly what we expect of you. We expect nothing less". They're completely waiting for me to fail, just so I can be written off as a disappointment.
I don't get it.
But what I do get is how much pressure has been put on me since I was little. I'm just now old enough and mature enough to realize it. I think this has been a subconcious root of a lot of my confidence problems growing up.
SIIIIIIGH
But it's ok, because I'm home now. And I'm going back to Statesboro tomorrow. Where I will have show choir practice, and finish some homework.
Speaking of which, I might try to finish a few things before I go to bed.
Screw that, I'm tired.
Goodnight, Internet!