27 Dresses
Yeap, I watched it. In my defense, I only watched it because I wanted to see the different bridesmaid dresses. That's it. I SWAREZ!
Guys, it was so bad it parodied itself. It was paaaaaainful. I don't know if I can do a "short version" parody. But I'll try. I don't remember any of the character's names, so we'll call them "Pushover," (the main character), "Dude" (because he was NOT a gentleman), "Clueless Boss," (of Pushover), "Whiny" (sister of Pushover), and "Lush" (whory best friend of Pushover). Ok, here we go:
Pushover: "I'm a total pushover! I'm in two weddings on the same night and I'm going to run back and forth between them because I can't stand to say the N-O word!"
Dude: "I'm an undercover reporter crashing one of these weddings so that I can write about it. I'm cynical and mysterious. Also a total jerk. But I'm so devastatingly handsome!"
Lush: Tee-hee! I'm SOOOOO drunk! Someone take me home with him so I can feel pretty!"
Dude: "Hey, are you in two weddings tonight?"
Pushover: "Well...yeah...but only because I'm a TOTAL pushover!"
Dude: "You're a little psychotic, but I think I can spend the next 90 minutes annoying and stalking you in order to get a story for the newspaper that will get me off the wedding-blurp beat."
Pushover: "What did you just say?"
Dude: "NOTHING!"
The Next Day
Lush: "I'm SOOOOO hungover. I really want to be like those Sex in the City chicks, but I just wind up looking like a heroine-chic ad from the 90's!"
Pushover: "I'm totally in love with my boss. But he has no idea!"
Boss: "I'm charmingly befuddled! I have no idea Pushover loves me. She does whatever I say and strews rose petals everywhere so that I may walk without soiling my expensive shoes."
That Night
Whiny: "HEY SIS! I'm here to crash at your place because I'm a slut! All the women in this movie except for you are TOTAL sluts, did you notice that? We're like a foil off which your self-righteous martyr complex seems less obnoxious!"
Pushover: "Heeeey...I'm going to a party tonight with my coworkers. Bye!"
Whiny: "I'll come too!"
At the Party
Whiny: "Your boss is SO hot! I'm going to go seduce him!"
Pushover: "Ok. I can't tell you to back off because I have a martyr complex!"
Dude: "Hey, Pushover! Fancy meeting you here! I'm stalking you because I stole your day timer at the reception!"
Pushover: "Oh, boy. Is this going to turn into one of those romantic comedies where the guy stalks the girl until she realizes she loves him?"
Dude: "Yeap."
Pushover: "Great. I'll see you the next time you decide to stalk me!"
Whiny: "Oh, Boss. You're so sweet. Let's go someplace and have sex!"
Boss: "Wow, you're like a slutty version of your sister. That's totally hot. Let's do!"
Insert a very long, inane sequence in which Dude and Pushover fall for each other, Dude rights the story, Pushover reads the story. You know the drill. See Straight Talk for further details. The other half of this monotony involves Boss asking Whiny to marry him, and Pushover planning their wedding.
Pushover: "I'm really pissed because the guy I fell for is a total jerk! I think I'll take it out on my sister by exposing all of her flaws at the rehearsal dinner!"
Boss: "Oh my goodness! That Whiny is a total slut! I'm so glad I haven't married her yet! I think I'll pass!"
Pushover: "Oops. I just did a bad thing."
Lush: "Yeah, you did. And I'm the drunken whore and even I know you screwed up."
Pushover: "Oh well! I'm the heroine of this story and everyone watching still loves me! I think I'm going to go find the Dude now and make up with him!"
Dude: "Yeah, it's cool. Let's get married!"
Pushover: "Yeah! And I'll make all the women whose weddings I've been in wear the dress they made me wear to my wedding! Because this movie is all about guilt and punishment anyway!"
Dude: "Sweet. Can we go do it now?"
Pushover: "Why not?"
At the wedding
Boss: "Hey, Whiny. I still think you're hawt. Plus that thing you did that one time...yeah, I miss that."
Whiny: "Ok, I'll be more honest with you this time. Also, I'm still kind of a slut."
Boss: "Sweeeeeet."
Lush: "Damn! All the hot guys at the wedding are taken! Who am I going to drunkenly seduce to bolster my self-esteem now?!"
Roll Credits
Guys, it was so bad it parodied itself. It was paaaaaainful. I don't know if I can do a "short version" parody. But I'll try. I don't remember any of the character's names, so we'll call them "Pushover," (the main character), "Dude" (because he was NOT a gentleman), "Clueless Boss," (of Pushover), "Whiny" (sister of Pushover), and "Lush" (whory best friend of Pushover). Ok, here we go:
Pushover: "I'm a total pushover! I'm in two weddings on the same night and I'm going to run back and forth between them because I can't stand to say the N-O word!"
Dude: "I'm an undercover reporter crashing one of these weddings so that I can write about it. I'm cynical and mysterious. Also a total jerk. But I'm so devastatingly handsome!"
Lush: Tee-hee! I'm SOOOOO drunk! Someone take me home with him so I can feel pretty!"
Dude: "Hey, are you in two weddings tonight?"
Pushover: "Well...yeah...but only because I'm a TOTAL pushover!"
Dude: "You're a little psychotic, but I think I can spend the next 90 minutes annoying and stalking you in order to get a story for the newspaper that will get me off the wedding-blurp beat."
Pushover: "What did you just say?"
Dude: "NOTHING!"
The Next Day
Lush: "I'm SOOOOO hungover. I really want to be like those Sex in the City chicks, but I just wind up looking like a heroine-chic ad from the 90's!"
Pushover: "I'm totally in love with my boss. But he has no idea!"
Boss: "I'm charmingly befuddled! I have no idea Pushover loves me. She does whatever I say and strews rose petals everywhere so that I may walk without soiling my expensive shoes."
That Night
Whiny: "HEY SIS! I'm here to crash at your place because I'm a slut! All the women in this movie except for you are TOTAL sluts, did you notice that? We're like a foil off which your self-righteous martyr complex seems less obnoxious!"
Pushover: "Heeeey...I'm going to a party tonight with my coworkers. Bye!"
Whiny: "I'll come too!"
At the Party
Whiny: "Your boss is SO hot! I'm going to go seduce him!"
Pushover: "Ok. I can't tell you to back off because I have a martyr complex!"
Dude: "Hey, Pushover! Fancy meeting you here! I'm stalking you because I stole your day timer at the reception!"
Pushover: "Oh, boy. Is this going to turn into one of those romantic comedies where the guy stalks the girl until she realizes she loves him?"
Dude: "Yeap."
Pushover: "Great. I'll see you the next time you decide to stalk me!"
Whiny: "Oh, Boss. You're so sweet. Let's go someplace and have sex!"
Boss: "Wow, you're like a slutty version of your sister. That's totally hot. Let's do!"
Insert a very long, inane sequence in which Dude and Pushover fall for each other, Dude rights the story, Pushover reads the story. You know the drill. See Straight Talk for further details. The other half of this monotony involves Boss asking Whiny to marry him, and Pushover planning their wedding.
Pushover: "I'm really pissed because the guy I fell for is a total jerk! I think I'll take it out on my sister by exposing all of her flaws at the rehearsal dinner!"
Boss: "Oh my goodness! That Whiny is a total slut! I'm so glad I haven't married her yet! I think I'll pass!"
Pushover: "Oops. I just did a bad thing."
Lush: "Yeah, you did. And I'm the drunken whore and even I know you screwed up."
Pushover: "Oh well! I'm the heroine of this story and everyone watching still loves me! I think I'm going to go find the Dude now and make up with him!"
Dude: "Yeah, it's cool. Let's get married!"
Pushover: "Yeah! And I'll make all the women whose weddings I've been in wear the dress they made me wear to my wedding! Because this movie is all about guilt and punishment anyway!"
Dude: "Sweet. Can we go do it now?"
Pushover: "Why not?"
At the wedding
Boss: "Hey, Whiny. I still think you're hawt. Plus that thing you did that one time...yeah, I miss that."
Whiny: "Ok, I'll be more honest with you this time. Also, I'm still kind of a slut."
Boss: "Sweeeeeet."
Lush: "Damn! All the hot guys at the wedding are taken! Who am I going to drunkenly seduce to bolster my self-esteem now?!"
Roll Credits