Ain’t That Just the Bee’s Knees (unfinished)
Title: Ain’t That Just the Bee’s Knees
Genre: Harry Potter, Non-magic AU, 1920s in the USA
Rating: PG14
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/Sirius
Summary: Sirius, James, and Peter are bank robbers of the 1920s. What happens when Lily and Remus are kidnapped by the infamous Marauders?
--
“Calling all cars, calling all cars, robbery in process on Main Street and Cobble Avenue-”
--
“Prongs, hurry and get the dough in the car.”
“You could help, Padfoot. It’s your jalopy.”
Sirius adjusted his mask and shot his best mate a glare. “Dry up, Prongs.”
James stuck his tongue out and hauled the last bag into the back of their car.
They were preparing to pack up and run, when the doors burst open and a woman with long hair alight like fire threw herself at them.
“Hey now, doll, this is swell and all, but we’ve got to scram.” Prongs held the dame by her shoulders, trying to keep out of range of her flailing arms. “Padfoot, didn’t you tie up all the tellers?”
“You bastards! You won’t get away with this!”
Sirius snapped the trunk of the car shut and exchanged an amused glance with James over the woman’s head, “Prongs drop the mouthy bird, let’s finish this caper and be on with it.” He moved to open the car door.
“I know who you both are!” The redhead screamed and the two bank robbers froze.
James recovered quickly, “Oh I doubt that, Pads let’s blow this joint. Sorry, toots, this bank’s closed.” He pushed her softly, but hard enough that she fell away from him and turned away.
“POTT-mmmft”
James had his over her mouth, leaning his body over hers and pinning her down. He frowned at her, then shrugged, “Well there’s no helping it then. You’re coming with us.”
“Potter? James Potter?” A voice sounded bewildered from behind Sirius.
“Ain’t that just the bee’s knees.” James sighed. “Pads, please?”
Sirius moved forward and with a swift movement, knocked the suited man out cold.
“Let’s beat it before this gets anymore balled up.” James pulled up the woman, whom had fainted in all the excitement.
Sirius glanced from person to person. “Well we can’t leave them. They recognized us.”
James frowned, and said half-jokingly, “We’ll have to take them with us then. Find a nice place and bump them off or something.” The bank robbers placed their two captives in the back seat.
The shaggier-haired of the two men rolled his eyes. “You can’t just bump people off, Prongs.” Sirius snorted as he hopped into the passenger seat.
James grinned and jumped in the driver’s seat, “Of course, but they don’t know that.”
--
“Miss Evans?” A frightened voice woke her from her fitful sleep.
The redheaded woman tried to move her hands but found them tied and her eyes blindfolded. She was stuck on her side in some sort of small area with something warm and large pressed up against her. “Hello?”
“Miss Evans, you’re awake.” The voice sounded relieved, and also vaguely familiar, but not enough to place.
“Mister, do you know-” Scenes were flooding back into her-My father’s bank!-and she changed what she was about to say, “Where are we? Who are you?” She demanded.
Shuffled sounds of fabric rubbing against fabric. “Honestly or figuratively?”
“Just be on the level with me and tell me what’s going on.” She moved her head around trying to nudge the blindfold off her face.
“I think we’ve been kidnapped.”
“Well I figured that much. Who are you?” Something bumped against her leg, “Hey now!”
“Sorry. I can’t see anything. I’m Remus, Remus Lupin.”
“Lily Evans. I would curtsy, but there’s no room.” She said bitterly, kicking out with her legs and striking something hard and metal. “Youch.” She yelped.
“Don’t bother. I think we’re in the boot.”
“The what?” She asked, puzzled.
“The back of the automobile.” Remus explained. Another thump nearby. “Yes, yes I think we are.”
Lily felt around with her tied hands, “We’re in a trunk!”
An exasperated sigh from nearby. “A traveling trunk or a car trunk?”
“Well, it would have to be a pretty large car to fit us both.” She blinked under her blindfold, kicking out with feet again.
A grunt from nearby, “Please reframe from kicking me, Miss Evans.”
She frowned, “Sorry.”
--
“Aren’t you two just the Real McCoy’s.” Peter ran his hand along his forehead. “One of the few times I’m not there, you end up with two hostages-which we still have no idea what to do with-and you don’t even-”
“Oh lay off, Wormtail. Don’t go getting the heebie-jeebies on us, you’re not the big cheese and it’s not like you wouldn’t have done the same thing.” Sirius propped himself up on the ragged wall nearby.
“Well, if Pads had actually tied everyone up, we wouldn’t be having this problem.” James sat on top of the desk, lighting a cigarette before tossing the match on the floor and stepping on it. Sirius began a protest but James continued over him. “They know who we are. It’s not like we can just leave them to tell everyone who robbed the bank clean.”
“Correction, they only know who you are, Prongs.” Peter grunted and plucked a match and lit up as well. Taking a drag from his cigarette before he said anything else, “We’ve got a ritzy dinner to go to next week, and it’ll take every minute we’ve got to get back. The family will know if one of us isn’t there.”
“We can’t leave only one of us to watch them, anyway.” James nodded, breathing out smoke as he pondered this complication.
Sirius pushed off of the wall, “We can’t just keep them locked up forever.”
They all exchanged knowing glances.
James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Well we know what we’ll have to do then.”
Peter frowned at the floor, trying to suggest an alternative plan: “We could just take them for a ride. Bump them off real easy like-it wouldn’t be so hard.”
Sirius glared at the pudgier man, “We’re not killers, Pete, just robbers.”
The blond-haired man sighed and muttered something under his breath, than louder, “I’m not dealing with them. You kidnapped them, you take care of them.”
The dark-haired man with glasses butted in, “Padfoot is right, Wormtail. We’re not killers. We’ll just have to bring them with us.”
Peter glared at the two of them, before stomping out his cigarette and plopping down harshly in a nearby chair, “Well I’m not playing captor. You two got balled this up in the first place, they’re your problem.”
“That’s just ducky.” Sirius growled, crossing his arms and swinging open the door to the place they were hiding the car, leaving James and Peter alone.
Peter fidgeted, picking at the buttons of his cuffs. Finally, he turned to the silent and watchful James and said softly, “Don’t take any wooden nickels, Prongs.”
The messy-haired man laughed, “A bit too late for that. We’ve already got a rather large pile.” And he left through the door as well, leaving Peter to sulk.
--
“Mr. Lupin?”
“Yes, Miss Evans?” He was vaguely amused by her sudden formality. She hadn’t bothered being very polite before.
“How do you suppose we should escape?”
Remus grinned, knowing she couldn’t see it. There was no question from this woman of whether or not they could escape, just how they should go about it. He already liked this Lily. “I’m not sure; we should probably discover what they are planning before we start making plans of our own.” He responded reasonably.
A frustrated sigh and a thump from the other side that was probably a kick to go with the sigh.
--
Sirius paused at the hand on his shoulder. “James, we can’t leave them in there.” He said without turning to look.
James tugged on his friend’s shoulder until Sirius was facing him. “You know, everyone thinks you’re the mean one, but you’re just a big softy.” The messy-haired man chuckled.
--
“Miss Evans, I think I-”
“Shhh.”
“Huh?”
“Pipe down, I think I can hear them.”
“Oh.”
--
Sirius snorted and ruffled James’s hair. “I’m no softy.” He protested jokingly, pulling his best mate into a headlock. “I could break your head open.”
James seemed completely unruffled by this treatment of his head, “O’course, Sear, but you wou’dn’t.”
Sirius let his friend go and pushed his hair back as he placed his fedora on his head. “Let’s get them out. We have a bit of-ahem-negotiating to do before we can begin the trek home.”
James frowned, “Should we put back on our masks?”
Sirius shrugged, “I suppose not. They’ll just figure it out eventually anyway.”
“They would have to be pretty corked to not figure out who we are, especially if we have to drive back with them.” James scowled at the car.
Sirius sighed and snapped open the old beat-up trunk and peered into it. “You two still alive then?”
“Let us go you bastards!” Came the responding screech.
James snorted, “Need some help, Pads?”
“Nope, everything’s Jake.” Sirius grunted as he hauled the struggling woman from her containment, placing her on the ground carefully despite how he wanted to drop her completely.
The mad bird was still having kittens when Sirius attempted to haul the man out as well.
“Excuse me. I can walk if you would just relieve me of the blindfold.” The brown-haired man interrupted and Sirius glanced at James, who just shrugged. He apparently hadn’t thought they would remove it though, because he looked awful surprised when they tugged it off him. “Oh.” He blinked his amber-brown eyes and stared at each of them in turn.
James stepped forward and untied the dame’s blindfold as well. She suddenly went silent. “Well that saves the need for a gag.” He joked.
The amber-eyed fellow was still staring at Sirius when the robber spoke, “You two have three options as we see it. You could come with us and we could treat you real nice, or we could take you to the other end of the United States and leave you there with no money and no way of ever getting back here.”
The fire-haired, dame turned her surprisingly bright green eyes on the pale, dark-haired man. “You said three options.”
Sirius smiled in an unassuring way, “Of course I did. But your third option isn’t one you’d want to take anyway. It involves the wrong end of a barrel and a bloody mess to clean up.”
The brown-haired man paled underneath the two long scars cut along his face-ones James hadn’t noticed before.
James didn’t give away his amusement that the two were actually frightened by the so-called third option. Sirius might have a loud bark, but his bite was far too kind for its own good.
“But… my father…” The redhead seemed more concerned about her family then deciding which fate had been decided for her. James decided she was more intelligent than she had let on before with all the screeching. “I can’t leave him.”
“Miss Evans, I’m sure your sister can take care of him.” The brown-haired man shifted awkwardly in the ropes still around his arms and torso.
Sharp green eyes snapped to amber-brown. “How do you know about my family, Mr. Lupin?”
The man-apparently Mr. Lupin-had the care to look abashed, “Erm, I work-er, worked at your bank.”
James shot Sirius a glare, “See I told you that you didn’t tie up all the tellers.”
The two hostages seemed to remember where they were then and both flinched at the bank robbers’ exchange.
Sirius leaned against the large trunk, frowning slightly, “Nah, I swear I got them all.”
“I came in late.” Lupin supplied. James raised one brow at how quick Lupin was to cover his bases.
Sirius, however, doesn’t notice and simply grins at James, “See, I got ‘em all.”
“Well that’s sure swell enough for you, Pads, but it doesn’t change that we’ve got those two to deal with.” James gestured to their two hostages.
Evans gave a huff then upturned her nose at the two bank robbers, “I’ll come with you-but there will be no… necking in the back seat. I am a proper lady and will not stand for such a thing.”
Sirius cracked a grin at her choice of words, but James was watching Lupin, who apparently found great humor in her speech.
When Lupin had controlled himself-Evans hadn’t noticed any of their reactions it seemed-he answered the unsaid question as well, “I suppose I’m on board as well then.”
Sirius glanced at James, who nodded. “No reconsidering, we’ve got to run now or we’ll be late.”
The door opened then and Peter stuck his head out, “Get them in the car-let’s scram.”
Sirius turned back to their hostages and saw that Lupin had gone pale as he stared at Peter. The dog-nicknamed man shook his head-that wasn’t important. What was important was getting to the dinner on time so no one would question them.
--
[to be continued... possibly? Just don't hold your breath]
--
A/N: I absolutely adore this fic, but it's just far too much work to actually write. Sorry guys.
@vanishing_cake:(I know, I know, Jackie. You absolutely adore this drabble, but I honestly can't say I'll ever get around to finishing it. It's a lot of work to bounce around in my head when I'm researching the 1920s and translating everything into the tone of this fic--which is supposed to be rose-tinted glasses!version of that time period, mostly like one of the films of that time.
Plus, Jackie, you didn't even like how I was going to end it. At least now, James gets to live, right?)
Genre: Harry Potter, Non-magic AU, 1920s in the USA
Rating: PG14
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/Sirius
Summary: Sirius, James, and Peter are bank robbers of the 1920s. What happens when Lily and Remus are kidnapped by the infamous Marauders?
--
“Calling all cars, calling all cars, robbery in process on Main Street and Cobble Avenue-”
--
“Prongs, hurry and get the dough in the car.”
“You could help, Padfoot. It’s your jalopy.”
Sirius adjusted his mask and shot his best mate a glare. “Dry up, Prongs.”
James stuck his tongue out and hauled the last bag into the back of their car.
They were preparing to pack up and run, when the doors burst open and a woman with long hair alight like fire threw herself at them.
“Hey now, doll, this is swell and all, but we’ve got to scram.” Prongs held the dame by her shoulders, trying to keep out of range of her flailing arms. “Padfoot, didn’t you tie up all the tellers?”
“You bastards! You won’t get away with this!”
Sirius snapped the trunk of the car shut and exchanged an amused glance with James over the woman’s head, “Prongs drop the mouthy bird, let’s finish this caper and be on with it.” He moved to open the car door.
“I know who you both are!” The redhead screamed and the two bank robbers froze.
James recovered quickly, “Oh I doubt that, Pads let’s blow this joint. Sorry, toots, this bank’s closed.” He pushed her softly, but hard enough that she fell away from him and turned away.
“POTT-mmmft”
James had his over her mouth, leaning his body over hers and pinning her down. He frowned at her, then shrugged, “Well there’s no helping it then. You’re coming with us.”
“Potter? James Potter?” A voice sounded bewildered from behind Sirius.
“Ain’t that just the bee’s knees.” James sighed. “Pads, please?”
Sirius moved forward and with a swift movement, knocked the suited man out cold.
“Let’s beat it before this gets anymore balled up.” James pulled up the woman, whom had fainted in all the excitement.
Sirius glanced from person to person. “Well we can’t leave them. They recognized us.”
James frowned, and said half-jokingly, “We’ll have to take them with us then. Find a nice place and bump them off or something.” The bank robbers placed their two captives in the back seat.
The shaggier-haired of the two men rolled his eyes. “You can’t just bump people off, Prongs.” Sirius snorted as he hopped into the passenger seat.
James grinned and jumped in the driver’s seat, “Of course, but they don’t know that.”
--
“Miss Evans?” A frightened voice woke her from her fitful sleep.
The redheaded woman tried to move her hands but found them tied and her eyes blindfolded. She was stuck on her side in some sort of small area with something warm and large pressed up against her. “Hello?”
“Miss Evans, you’re awake.” The voice sounded relieved, and also vaguely familiar, but not enough to place.
“Mister, do you know-” Scenes were flooding back into her-My father’s bank!-and she changed what she was about to say, “Where are we? Who are you?” She demanded.
Shuffled sounds of fabric rubbing against fabric. “Honestly or figuratively?”
“Just be on the level with me and tell me what’s going on.” She moved her head around trying to nudge the blindfold off her face.
“I think we’ve been kidnapped.”
“Well I figured that much. Who are you?” Something bumped against her leg, “Hey now!”
“Sorry. I can’t see anything. I’m Remus, Remus Lupin.”
“Lily Evans. I would curtsy, but there’s no room.” She said bitterly, kicking out with her legs and striking something hard and metal. “Youch.” She yelped.
“Don’t bother. I think we’re in the boot.”
“The what?” She asked, puzzled.
“The back of the automobile.” Remus explained. Another thump nearby. “Yes, yes I think we are.”
Lily felt around with her tied hands, “We’re in a trunk!”
An exasperated sigh from nearby. “A traveling trunk or a car trunk?”
“Well, it would have to be a pretty large car to fit us both.” She blinked under her blindfold, kicking out with feet again.
A grunt from nearby, “Please reframe from kicking me, Miss Evans.”
She frowned, “Sorry.”
--
“Aren’t you two just the Real McCoy’s.” Peter ran his hand along his forehead. “One of the few times I’m not there, you end up with two hostages-which we still have no idea what to do with-and you don’t even-”
“Oh lay off, Wormtail. Don’t go getting the heebie-jeebies on us, you’re not the big cheese and it’s not like you wouldn’t have done the same thing.” Sirius propped himself up on the ragged wall nearby.
“Well, if Pads had actually tied everyone up, we wouldn’t be having this problem.” James sat on top of the desk, lighting a cigarette before tossing the match on the floor and stepping on it. Sirius began a protest but James continued over him. “They know who we are. It’s not like we can just leave them to tell everyone who robbed the bank clean.”
“Correction, they only know who you are, Prongs.” Peter grunted and plucked a match and lit up as well. Taking a drag from his cigarette before he said anything else, “We’ve got a ritzy dinner to go to next week, and it’ll take every minute we’ve got to get back. The family will know if one of us isn’t there.”
“We can’t leave only one of us to watch them, anyway.” James nodded, breathing out smoke as he pondered this complication.
Sirius pushed off of the wall, “We can’t just keep them locked up forever.”
They all exchanged knowing glances.
James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Well we know what we’ll have to do then.”
Peter frowned at the floor, trying to suggest an alternative plan: “We could just take them for a ride. Bump them off real easy like-it wouldn’t be so hard.”
Sirius glared at the pudgier man, “We’re not killers, Pete, just robbers.”
The blond-haired man sighed and muttered something under his breath, than louder, “I’m not dealing with them. You kidnapped them, you take care of them.”
The dark-haired man with glasses butted in, “Padfoot is right, Wormtail. We’re not killers. We’ll just have to bring them with us.”
Peter glared at the two of them, before stomping out his cigarette and plopping down harshly in a nearby chair, “Well I’m not playing captor. You two got balled this up in the first place, they’re your problem.”
“That’s just ducky.” Sirius growled, crossing his arms and swinging open the door to the place they were hiding the car, leaving James and Peter alone.
Peter fidgeted, picking at the buttons of his cuffs. Finally, he turned to the silent and watchful James and said softly, “Don’t take any wooden nickels, Prongs.”
The messy-haired man laughed, “A bit too late for that. We’ve already got a rather large pile.” And he left through the door as well, leaving Peter to sulk.
--
“Mr. Lupin?”
“Yes, Miss Evans?” He was vaguely amused by her sudden formality. She hadn’t bothered being very polite before.
“How do you suppose we should escape?”
Remus grinned, knowing she couldn’t see it. There was no question from this woman of whether or not they could escape, just how they should go about it. He already liked this Lily. “I’m not sure; we should probably discover what they are planning before we start making plans of our own.” He responded reasonably.
A frustrated sigh and a thump from the other side that was probably a kick to go with the sigh.
--
Sirius paused at the hand on his shoulder. “James, we can’t leave them in there.” He said without turning to look.
James tugged on his friend’s shoulder until Sirius was facing him. “You know, everyone thinks you’re the mean one, but you’re just a big softy.” The messy-haired man chuckled.
--
“Miss Evans, I think I-”
“Shhh.”
“Huh?”
“Pipe down, I think I can hear them.”
“Oh.”
--
Sirius snorted and ruffled James’s hair. “I’m no softy.” He protested jokingly, pulling his best mate into a headlock. “I could break your head open.”
James seemed completely unruffled by this treatment of his head, “O’course, Sear, but you wou’dn’t.”
Sirius let his friend go and pushed his hair back as he placed his fedora on his head. “Let’s get them out. We have a bit of-ahem-negotiating to do before we can begin the trek home.”
James frowned, “Should we put back on our masks?”
Sirius shrugged, “I suppose not. They’ll just figure it out eventually anyway.”
“They would have to be pretty corked to not figure out who we are, especially if we have to drive back with them.” James scowled at the car.
Sirius sighed and snapped open the old beat-up trunk and peered into it. “You two still alive then?”
“Let us go you bastards!” Came the responding screech.
James snorted, “Need some help, Pads?”
“Nope, everything’s Jake.” Sirius grunted as he hauled the struggling woman from her containment, placing her on the ground carefully despite how he wanted to drop her completely.
The mad bird was still having kittens when Sirius attempted to haul the man out as well.
“Excuse me. I can walk if you would just relieve me of the blindfold.” The brown-haired man interrupted and Sirius glanced at James, who just shrugged. He apparently hadn’t thought they would remove it though, because he looked awful surprised when they tugged it off him. “Oh.” He blinked his amber-brown eyes and stared at each of them in turn.
James stepped forward and untied the dame’s blindfold as well. She suddenly went silent. “Well that saves the need for a gag.” He joked.
The amber-eyed fellow was still staring at Sirius when the robber spoke, “You two have three options as we see it. You could come with us and we could treat you real nice, or we could take you to the other end of the United States and leave you there with no money and no way of ever getting back here.”
The fire-haired, dame turned her surprisingly bright green eyes on the pale, dark-haired man. “You said three options.”
Sirius smiled in an unassuring way, “Of course I did. But your third option isn’t one you’d want to take anyway. It involves the wrong end of a barrel and a bloody mess to clean up.”
The brown-haired man paled underneath the two long scars cut along his face-ones James hadn’t noticed before.
James didn’t give away his amusement that the two were actually frightened by the so-called third option. Sirius might have a loud bark, but his bite was far too kind for its own good.
“But… my father…” The redhead seemed more concerned about her family then deciding which fate had been decided for her. James decided she was more intelligent than she had let on before with all the screeching. “I can’t leave him.”
“Miss Evans, I’m sure your sister can take care of him.” The brown-haired man shifted awkwardly in the ropes still around his arms and torso.
Sharp green eyes snapped to amber-brown. “How do you know about my family, Mr. Lupin?”
The man-apparently Mr. Lupin-had the care to look abashed, “Erm, I work-er, worked at your bank.”
James shot Sirius a glare, “See I told you that you didn’t tie up all the tellers.”
The two hostages seemed to remember where they were then and both flinched at the bank robbers’ exchange.
Sirius leaned against the large trunk, frowning slightly, “Nah, I swear I got them all.”
“I came in late.” Lupin supplied. James raised one brow at how quick Lupin was to cover his bases.
Sirius, however, doesn’t notice and simply grins at James, “See, I got ‘em all.”
“Well that’s sure swell enough for you, Pads, but it doesn’t change that we’ve got those two to deal with.” James gestured to their two hostages.
Evans gave a huff then upturned her nose at the two bank robbers, “I’ll come with you-but there will be no… necking in the back seat. I am a proper lady and will not stand for such a thing.”
Sirius cracked a grin at her choice of words, but James was watching Lupin, who apparently found great humor in her speech.
When Lupin had controlled himself-Evans hadn’t noticed any of their reactions it seemed-he answered the unsaid question as well, “I suppose I’m on board as well then.”
Sirius glanced at James, who nodded. “No reconsidering, we’ve got to run now or we’ll be late.”
The door opened then and Peter stuck his head out, “Get them in the car-let’s scram.”
Sirius turned back to their hostages and saw that Lupin had gone pale as he stared at Peter. The dog-nicknamed man shook his head-that wasn’t important. What was important was getting to the dinner on time so no one would question them.
--
[to be continued... possibly? Just don't hold your breath]
--
A/N: I absolutely adore this fic, but it's just far too much work to actually write. Sorry guys.
@vanishing_cake:(I know, I know, Jackie. You absolutely adore this drabble, but I honestly can't say I'll ever get around to finishing it. It's a lot of work to bounce around in my head when I'm researching the 1920s and translating everything into the tone of this fic--which is supposed to be rose-tinted glasses!version of that time period, mostly like one of the films of that time.
Plus, Jackie, you didn't even like how I was going to end it. At least now, James gets to live, right?)