erg.
Well life about sucks arse right now.
See, apparently I suck at college, so Financial Aid has decided to drop me. The college would still have me, but it's Financial Aid who is saying the 'fuck you'..
...But the college I go to is extremely--fucking--expensive. We can't afford another semester ('cause that's what it would take before I could get Financial Aid again) there and well... that leaves me with very few options.
We've been going through all the shortcuts and alleys to find, pin down, and drag into the open any other options.. but it looks like these are what I'll have to go with for now:
1. I enroll in a community college, in NC (close to family) or in NJ (close to my college friends), continue in Computer Engineering, rack up my GPA (a.k.a. get straight A's) and attempt reapplying back to my first college.
2. I enroll in a community college (again, here or in NJ), pick a different major and figure out what the hell I want to do in life. Try to apply back to my first college under a different major.
3. I find some niche or something to get back into my first college and hope to dear gods for the best.
I've already had my meltdown, but I'm still recovering--until then, my confidence level is rock bottom, so forgive me if I'm a little touchy and a little more insane than I was before.
But, you know.. if I'm going to murder someone, it would be the Dean of Engineering, because he's a dickhead.
My dad and I realized that it's very likely the reason behind my sucking at college is because of post-traumatic stress from the car accident... Which is understandable, since I know my mental state hasn't been completely up to speed since that whole ordeal and the following horrors. I know I've had a serious car-phobia since the accident as well as even more reluctance to drive, especially with my family in the car. I won't even bother explaining the guilt, since that is highly apparent anyway.
So, we're going to try going to a psychologist.. (Ferret, if you're laughing right now I'm going to hit you the next time I see you. I know you always tease me about the child psychologist thing, but shut up. Siriusly. :P ) and hope that will help.. Maybe at least help with my confidence or something.
But, since it's a mental health issue, we tried to bring it up to the Dean and get some leeway in the idea of just dashing those classes from my grades.
...The Dean, however, is a total arse. It took him a 24 hours to call us back and even then, didn't want to hear what we had to say. He didn't even have my information in front of him and basically said "Well if you can't pay, then fuck you"... So, yea, he's an arse.
Skipping a bit, I had a rather bad meltdown when we got the letter. Usually I just quietly break into pieces and can barely make words heard at all. This time was pretty bad and I was shattered. Dad quietly put me back together, while we waited (and feared) Mom's arrival. Mom, as usual, didn't help when she started calling me a liar, so I slammed a few doors in her face (something new for me, I usually don't scream or slam things, but I did this time). In a way, I'm still recovering from the breakdown, especially when I find it's hard for me to consciously raise my voice, and often am nearly whispering my words.
I'm getting through, but things are going to be hard after this.
(Hey Tara, guess you won't be the only one visiting the campus on weekends...)
See, apparently I suck at college, so Financial Aid has decided to drop me. The college would still have me, but it's Financial Aid who is saying the 'fuck you'..
...But the college I go to is extremely--fucking--expensive. We can't afford another semester ('cause that's what it would take before I could get Financial Aid again) there and well... that leaves me with very few options.
We've been going through all the shortcuts and alleys to find, pin down, and drag into the open any other options.. but it looks like these are what I'll have to go with for now:
1. I enroll in a community college, in NC (close to family) or in NJ (close to my college friends), continue in Computer Engineering, rack up my GPA (a.k.a. get straight A's) and attempt reapplying back to my first college.
2. I enroll in a community college (again, here or in NJ), pick a different major and figure out what the hell I want to do in life. Try to apply back to my first college under a different major.
3. I find some niche or something to get back into my first college and hope to dear gods for the best.
I've already had my meltdown, but I'm still recovering--until then, my confidence level is rock bottom, so forgive me if I'm a little touchy and a little more insane than I was before.
But, you know.. if I'm going to murder someone, it would be the Dean of Engineering, because he's a dickhead.
My dad and I realized that it's very likely the reason behind my sucking at college is because of post-traumatic stress from the car accident... Which is understandable, since I know my mental state hasn't been completely up to speed since that whole ordeal and the following horrors. I know I've had a serious car-phobia since the accident as well as even more reluctance to drive, especially with my family in the car. I won't even bother explaining the guilt, since that is highly apparent anyway.
So, we're going to try going to a psychologist.. (Ferret, if you're laughing right now I'm going to hit you the next time I see you. I know you always tease me about the child psychologist thing, but shut up. Siriusly. :P ) and hope that will help.. Maybe at least help with my confidence or something.
But, since it's a mental health issue, we tried to bring it up to the Dean and get some leeway in the idea of just dashing those classes from my grades.
...The Dean, however, is a total arse. It took him a 24 hours to call us back and even then, didn't want to hear what we had to say. He didn't even have my information in front of him and basically said "Well if you can't pay, then fuck you"... So, yea, he's an arse.
Skipping a bit, I had a rather bad meltdown when we got the letter. Usually I just quietly break into pieces and can barely make words heard at all. This time was pretty bad and I was shattered. Dad quietly put me back together, while we waited (and feared) Mom's arrival. Mom, as usual, didn't help when she started calling me a liar, so I slammed a few doors in her face (something new for me, I usually don't scream or slam things, but I did this time). In a way, I'm still recovering from the breakdown, especially when I find it's hard for me to consciously raise my voice, and often am nearly whispering my words.
I'm getting through, but things are going to be hard after this.
(Hey Tara, guess you won't be the only one visiting the campus on weekends...)