the acid test and empathy
As I continue to crest toward the end of a period of self-induced craziness, I'm not sure whta to say. My words, my actions, continue to yield trouble which seems to increase exponentially when I am not mindful of either.
Part of the problem with maintaining a balanced, level-headed approach to life are all the juggling acts I must perform. While labels should not define us, I must remember --daily --that I am bipolar, I am an alcoholic, and I've had gastric bypass. All of these cut to the core of my physical, psychological, and spiritual problems.
To maintain myself physically --which in turn benefits psyche and spirit --I need ot maintain a consistent sleep and wake cycle; minimize sugar and caffeine; eat nutrient rich foods in smaller portions; exercise; use my SAD lamp in the fall and winter; etc.
To maintain myself psychologically, I must continue going to meetings; write regularly; continue with therapy and seeing my medical professionals, such as a psychiatrist; etc.
With the successes on these levels, it then turns to meditation, practice, ritual, routine. This is the third level, the missing piece that rests on the foundation of physicality and psychology. Only when I reach this level, of being mindful of self, do I find myself mindful of others. True, I can be mindful of others at any level, but this is where it is most effective.
Since the first 2 are basically settled, with only further refinement and adjustments necessary, what am I doing to think of others? I have been doing more helpful acts for my parents, such as helping with chores and whatever else is necessary. It then brings to mind the issues of altruism, of motives, of underlying rationale.
The other day I was praised for answering the phone. Is this an exciting or revolutionary act? Is it merely part of the trained socialization process? This seems like nitpicky and unnecessary analysis, but it seems to me to hit upon a central fact that I've been discussing, but not really exploring. Life is a mosaic of details, and while extremists (such as myself) will further distort a detail, the point is they do matter. The big picture is only a result of details; when others describe themselves as "big picture" people, be weary --they are proclaiming their laziness or misunderstanding of the issue at hand. Yes, we sometimes do speak in generalities because it would be tiresome to list 10k facts and have the interlocture themselves draw the conclusion that you could have suggested before the list of disconnected facts. This reminds me of the Gricean Maxims of conversation, but that's for a nerdy linguistic discussion some other time.
I answered the phone because in my mind it is my duty. This is, of course, informed by my middle class morality and upbrining, the unique confluence of being raised by immigrants who experienced the joys of mid-to-late 20th century America and all the social mobility and promise that held. In the way my brain interprets it and in a cultural illusion --I did it because it's "simple human decency."
Without such action of any kind --isn't that the heart of existentialism? --there is nothing. In nothing there is something, perhaps. Without such action, without the action I described as mundane but for which I received praise, we wouldn't be human. We would be humanoids. Today, I embrace my humanity.
Part of the problem with maintaining a balanced, level-headed approach to life are all the juggling acts I must perform. While labels should not define us, I must remember --daily --that I am bipolar, I am an alcoholic, and I've had gastric bypass. All of these cut to the core of my physical, psychological, and spiritual problems.
To maintain myself physically --which in turn benefits psyche and spirit --I need ot maintain a consistent sleep and wake cycle; minimize sugar and caffeine; eat nutrient rich foods in smaller portions; exercise; use my SAD lamp in the fall and winter; etc.
To maintain myself psychologically, I must continue going to meetings; write regularly; continue with therapy and seeing my medical professionals, such as a psychiatrist; etc.
With the successes on these levels, it then turns to meditation, practice, ritual, routine. This is the third level, the missing piece that rests on the foundation of physicality and psychology. Only when I reach this level, of being mindful of self, do I find myself mindful of others. True, I can be mindful of others at any level, but this is where it is most effective.
Since the first 2 are basically settled, with only further refinement and adjustments necessary, what am I doing to think of others? I have been doing more helpful acts for my parents, such as helping with chores and whatever else is necessary. It then brings to mind the issues of altruism, of motives, of underlying rationale.
The other day I was praised for answering the phone. Is this an exciting or revolutionary act? Is it merely part of the trained socialization process? This seems like nitpicky and unnecessary analysis, but it seems to me to hit upon a central fact that I've been discussing, but not really exploring. Life is a mosaic of details, and while extremists (such as myself) will further distort a detail, the point is they do matter. The big picture is only a result of details; when others describe themselves as "big picture" people, be weary --they are proclaiming their laziness or misunderstanding of the issue at hand. Yes, we sometimes do speak in generalities because it would be tiresome to list 10k facts and have the interlocture themselves draw the conclusion that you could have suggested before the list of disconnected facts. This reminds me of the Gricean Maxims of conversation, but that's for a nerdy linguistic discussion some other time.
I answered the phone because in my mind it is my duty. This is, of course, informed by my middle class morality and upbrining, the unique confluence of being raised by immigrants who experienced the joys of mid-to-late 20th century America and all the social mobility and promise that held. In the way my brain interprets it and in a cultural illusion --I did it because it's "simple human decency."
Without such action of any kind --isn't that the heart of existentialism? --there is nothing. In nothing there is something, perhaps. Without such action, without the action I described as mundane but for which I received praise, we wouldn't be human. We would be humanoids. Today, I embrace my humanity.