in the blink of an eye you get several meanings...

Jun 25, 2012 16:03

Right now, I am enjoying the life of Riley. My farmer's tan is almost erased, I'm on the cusp of a burgeoning social life, I'm reading and exercising regularly. And surprisingly, there is no butt. I'm not waiting for another shoe to drop.

It can not be stressed enough how transformative recent times have been. In fact, in the past 2 weeks, I've have:

1. had some really powerful experiences via meditation;
1. I lost a friend to lies and deceit;
3. I've made new friends/hung out with old ones I hadn't seen in a while;
4. I've gone out dancing (I didn't realise how much I loved it; and how dirty I was on the dance floor);
5.I've become addicted to karaoke;
6. I've been working out and getting comments on the noticeable body difference, even if my weight hasn't gone down;
7. I completed my first work of fiction in nearly a year (The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway);
8.I had what I consider "real sex" for the first time in over a year and experienced an orgasm with a male;
9. I went to a baseball game;
10. resumed my Russian and covered the first chapter ( I had learned more than I realised);
11. noticeably changed my eating habits (more fruits and home cooking);

Most of these probably arn't that significant separately. In fact, while typing this, I sort of got a sense of "what's the big deal?" with well over half the list. On the other hand, as people tend to say about life, it is about the small changes and their collective impact. In that sense, there is such a sense of ease and calm. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty stressed...and have anger issues to work on. BUT, (there's that but!), I feel whole, again.

All of these experiences have made me realise I am a whole person, not that fragmented, disconnected being I was for so long. I'm 26, so I can say I lost a significant portion of my life so far to not living. Yet if time progresses, and continues on this track, that portion of time will get smaller. In fact, if I make the average life expectancy, it will go down to less than 10%, which is still significant.

For the past few months, I have indeed been living. There are still a lot of mistakes that need to be corrected. The path ahead is not straight, nor is the ultimate destination known. I'm thinking I sound all hippy-ish. In that sense, my counterculture self ought to be embraced.

If I could create a new idiom, I would. And it is needed. Getting employment ought be priority one. I can handle this, for once in my life. I'm tired of barely getting by, barely surviving and salvaging that existence.

It's time to grow up and thrive because #itsfundamnit.

weight, job, change, health, languages/linguistics, social, dietary habits, exercise, friendships, fiction, self, friends, karaoke, music, santa cruz, reading, meditation, summer, future, anger, employment, 2011, incremental progress, literature, 2012, truth, sex/sexuality, russian, maturity, baseball, alcoholism, undergrad, prayer, life, twitter, self-awareness, physical, lyrics

Previous post Next post
Up