cunning, baffling, powerful: an entry on the current state of affairs
As I sit here typing this entry my principal concern is my tiredness. The body feels worn; the mind a bit slower, like shutting down.
Today, however, I can report that the spirit is there. There is a light, and as Morrissey sang, it never goes out. There is finally something within me, keeping me going and allowing me to continue building my new life. It isn't just mania, either.
For that I am thankful.
There are many stressful situations right now. Teaching is not easy, and as I am a slow learner, I am indeed struggling. The struggles are normal struggles for beginning teachers. Some veteran teachers have similar issues, I've heard.
My mom had a total knee replacement today. I got to spend some time with her and she is doing so great. I'm so happy for her. Our next door neighbour was actually the head nurse helping out with the operation. By all accounts, my mom's knee was so bad --bone to bone-- that it was the worst they'd ever seen; it was a baffling "how the hell is she still walking?!" kind of situation.
But she is better. The past 10-15 years have been especially trying for her. I think this surgery will help her find a new, more active lifestyle.
But, there is a reason I used the title I did. The above 2 issues are certainly important and are factors to contend with from hereon out.
But they relate to the next bit of news. As I walked into Northside this evening, I heard that a fellow member, no more than 5 years my senior had committed suicide on Sunday. He was a very nice guy and I was enjoying getting to know him. The news came to Northside yesterday when his mom walked in crying and wanted to thank the fellowship for trying to help him. I don't know that he died sober, but most signs point to no.
I had wanted to go to that 6pm meeting last night, too. But I didn't. I ended up contacting my sister, walking to her house, buying pizza for her and the kids. I wanted to work on keeping that bridge between my sister and myself working.
After that, I met up with a friend. It was also a memorable moment from yesterday. Yesterday was also good because I purchased Wild Flag tickets for April.
Tonight put it in perspective. For all the complaints I have and for all shortcomings, I am here because I had parents that loved and cared, my mother especially. The physical toll she has endured is nothing to the emotional toll. Only in sobriety have I been able to actually talk to her about either.
People have always been there to help me. I am humbled when I think about that. But I think of those like Adam. Northside was there, and his mom knew that, but why couldn't he?
I won't worry about that. My brain is shutting off as bedtime is here. I'm just thankful to be alive, but once more I understand --I am an alcoholic.
Thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to make me part of your life. I hope I can return the favor.
Today, however, I can report that the spirit is there. There is a light, and as Morrissey sang, it never goes out. There is finally something within me, keeping me going and allowing me to continue building my new life. It isn't just mania, either.
For that I am thankful.
There are many stressful situations right now. Teaching is not easy, and as I am a slow learner, I am indeed struggling. The struggles are normal struggles for beginning teachers. Some veteran teachers have similar issues, I've heard.
My mom had a total knee replacement today. I got to spend some time with her and she is doing so great. I'm so happy for her. Our next door neighbour was actually the head nurse helping out with the operation. By all accounts, my mom's knee was so bad --bone to bone-- that it was the worst they'd ever seen; it was a baffling "how the hell is she still walking?!" kind of situation.
But she is better. The past 10-15 years have been especially trying for her. I think this surgery will help her find a new, more active lifestyle.
But, there is a reason I used the title I did. The above 2 issues are certainly important and are factors to contend with from hereon out.
But they relate to the next bit of news. As I walked into Northside this evening, I heard that a fellow member, no more than 5 years my senior had committed suicide on Sunday. He was a very nice guy and I was enjoying getting to know him. The news came to Northside yesterday when his mom walked in crying and wanted to thank the fellowship for trying to help him. I don't know that he died sober, but most signs point to no.
I had wanted to go to that 6pm meeting last night, too. But I didn't. I ended up contacting my sister, walking to her house, buying pizza for her and the kids. I wanted to work on keeping that bridge between my sister and myself working.
After that, I met up with a friend. It was also a memorable moment from yesterday. Yesterday was also good because I purchased Wild Flag tickets for April.
Tonight put it in perspective. For all the complaints I have and for all shortcomings, I am here because I had parents that loved and cared, my mother especially. The physical toll she has endured is nothing to the emotional toll. Only in sobriety have I been able to actually talk to her about either.
People have always been there to help me. I am humbled when I think about that. But I think of those like Adam. Northside was there, and his mom knew that, but why couldn't he?
I won't worry about that. My brain is shutting off as bedtime is here. I'm just thankful to be alive, but once more I understand --I am an alcoholic.
Thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to make me part of your life. I hope I can return the favor.