back when I had no story, nothing to form me
At this time, I actually still do not have a coherent story or thread. I keep finding little errors and glitches in my writing and what I want to say and what I meant to say. So many errors and mistakes are made daily by myself. For instance, I repeated basically in this morning's entry the way that obnoxious guy in the movie line in Annie Hall kept saying "indulgent." Bear with me, however, for this will also be a (brief) exercise in indulgence.
Today I certainly felt weary. Initially, my body started waking up at 4:30, and I grumbled. I turned over and waited until 5. When it came, I was very tired and unhappy that it came so soon. But I saddled up and did my morning thing. The SAD lamp is really helping. However, I did do something different: I stretched. As soon as I did that, I felt infinitely better.
Who would have thought that less than 5 minutes of stretching would make me feel so good and positive about the whole day and life?
As I tweeted earlier today: life is about stopping to smell the roses; if we don't do that, what was the point in growing them?
I know lately I've been talking about how I'm doing basic things (like doing daily hygienic things; actually showing up and doing what I'm supposed to be doing; spending time with family; etc). But when you spend 25 years being an irresponsible jackass, well, it is humbling to acknowledge I was living wrong --if you can even call what I did living.
That doesn't mean this is going to be a blog all about being rosy and happy; modern life is not always that way, and neither is my life. As I watched the news tonight and saw footage on the Free Speech Movement and tried to talk about it, I had to stop because I felt waves of emotion overpowering me. Sometimes I just get so choked up.
But the stretching thing ties into something I wrote about in one of those blathering, self-indulgent music entries (which you can and perhaps should skip): because I am no longer numbing myself, I am starting to feel again --and being able to feel is fantastic.
Today I certainly felt weary. Initially, my body started waking up at 4:30, and I grumbled. I turned over and waited until 5. When it came, I was very tired and unhappy that it came so soon. But I saddled up and did my morning thing. The SAD lamp is really helping. However, I did do something different: I stretched. As soon as I did that, I felt infinitely better.
Who would have thought that less than 5 minutes of stretching would make me feel so good and positive about the whole day and life?
As I tweeted earlier today: life is about stopping to smell the roses; if we don't do that, what was the point in growing them?
I know lately I've been talking about how I'm doing basic things (like doing daily hygienic things; actually showing up and doing what I'm supposed to be doing; spending time with family; etc). But when you spend 25 years being an irresponsible jackass, well, it is humbling to acknowledge I was living wrong --if you can even call what I did living.
That doesn't mean this is going to be a blog all about being rosy and happy; modern life is not always that way, and neither is my life. As I watched the news tonight and saw footage on the Free Speech Movement and tried to talk about it, I had to stop because I felt waves of emotion overpowering me. Sometimes I just get so choked up.
But the stretching thing ties into something I wrote about in one of those blathering, self-indulgent music entries (which you can and perhaps should skip): because I am no longer numbing myself, I am starting to feel again --and being able to feel is fantastic.