it was a resurrection holy day
Because of terrible disconnects in my life ( my laptop dying again; some unpredictability and being unsure how to use my phone; and because the desktop I am now is rather sluggish and old), I had to go back and piece together some recent information, information "learned," experienced, read, felt, discussed.
Most of these, however, are technological. In today's highly classist society, in an era where Marxism could seem relevant again, it just strikes me as so odd. Most of my education was done via traditional lectures. Right now, I am taking courses with online components, that are solely online, that make heavy use of technology. In addition, I am working with a master teacher, a department, a school, a system, that wants me to go against 500 years of tradition, throw out the lecture, and in these current manifestations, use powerpoint.
There is a logic, a sense of seduction, of simplicity behind it all. In addition, however, there is discord, disconnect, mechanical structures, and absurd complexity. It is as disjointed as this prose, really. This prose, incidentally, somewhat reflect a problem in my writing I worked on so desperately in junior high: I strove to convey parallelism. I also, incidentally, strove to learn and know grammar.
Thus, part of my antiquated 20th century education, as conveyed by aging teachers (many now retired) consisted of teachings that no one would dare to do now: diagramming sentences; long, convoluted grammar exercises in which gerunds, participles, tenses, parts of speech, were defined, labeled and explained. Finally, another problem that I struggled with (and may always) was the ability to be persuasive, to form a cogent, coherent, logical (if not original and provocative) thesis, a focus.
Though I am still living in the past in those regards, it conveys many a thought I have been trying to articulate: language is ideologically driven. What I have seen in reading English papers, what I have heard from English teachers current and potential, and what I know: grammar is no longer being taught.
If the youth cannot and do not grasp, strongly and distinctly, how to use sounds, how to form words, how to order those words, and how to argue for why the words chosen make sense; if the future generations cannot find any sort of linguistic way to express themselves, than a powerpoint is worthless. It is masturbation of a highly manipulative form, and in that sense may cross over into the murky waters of exploitation and rape.
In regards to the latter two terms, I am reminded of the song "Plastic Fantastic Lover" by Jefferson Airplane. Other songs have been pouring through my mind right now, such as "Shadahroba" by Roy Orbison and "Comes a Time" by Neil Young.
At the end of the day, however, regardless and irrespective of the songs, of the message, of whatever components work to create that message, there is the fact and the strange realisation that what was to be a meditation on technology, on failures, on all sorts of other concepts came back to grammar, to language.
Lately I have been on interesting new trends. For 2010, I strove to be more conscientious. For 2011, I strove to be more linguistically-minded and language-orientated. For 2012, then, I am hoping to strive toward the creation of a synthesis.
This entry could have been a good learning opportunity, and a step toward that goal. After all, a synthesis the creation of the synthesis is basically meant to be a means by which to live. It is meant to be a "design for living." I am not near that at all. From another perspective, 2010 I was trying to observe and not much else; in 2011, I have been aiming to collect facts, note possible data trends, and continue observing. 2012 will build upon that framework, hopefully, and turn the observations of 2010 and the data of 2011 and form a theory. Passive knowledge, to active knowledge, to application of knowledge, would be another way of looking at it.
My eye is on a 5 year plan, but my heart and mind are worried about the clock, that it is a few minutes after 11, I am not physically ready for today and nothing is done yet. I should be at the men's meeting, as I even texted someone that I would be. I fail in so many regards.
Part of the desire to move toward 2012 and start my hands at theorizing has been a direct result of the circumstances of this fall. In August I got reconnected with AJ, again; in September Elisa popped into say farewell and Anthony was seen; some time spent with Wes, sort of; the return to facebook; the nascent relationship (not necessarily romantic) with the new guy; reconnecting with Jeff; reconnected with Vuthya; reconnecting with Brittany and her family; seeing Shelly yesterday; etc.
The dots are connected now, I suppose. The data is there, but can I interpret it? What can I extrapolate?
Quick note (if that is even possible for me): my 2 favourite courses throughout my entire education were: AP Euro in high school and Syntax I at the university level. The common underpinning was that both required unprecedented amounts of hard work and sacrifice. Both courses demanded my all, and I gave it. Churchill spoke of blood, sweat, and tears and that was what it took.
The only other observation that sticks out at this point was that in AP Euro, grandma died toward the end, less than 1 month before the test. I still passed and did well, but my grades noticeably dipped, as could be expected. In Syntax 1, about week 6/7 or so,I was so tired, so worn-out, so beaten down by my grades (the occasional B, the occasional C, but most with those ambiguous adjectives that depending on who I asked meant either a C+ or a B-). I was taking it P/NP, so that didn't necessarily matter, as I knew I would pass, I just did not want to have to worry about a grade. But the point is, around week 6/7 a serious intellectual and existential malaise set in, and I did not know what to do. Incidentally and ironically and a dot I never bothered to connect: my AP Euro teacher died a week or so before Syntax I was over. His death did not affect that grade, actually. And, in Syntax I, I ended on a "very good" --a B+ which was, indeed, my highest mark in that course.
In both courses, I wanted to learn, and I did. I felt myself challenged on all fronts: morally, intellectually, spiritually, philosophically, physically, even. Both courses laid foundations, blueprints, guidelines to sort of follow. I don't know that I rose to the challenge, but I'd like to think I did. I gave it my all, and my all was not all that good, to be honest.
This entry, above all else, started about loneliness, took a grammatical detour, and ended up on my twin passions: History and Linguistics. Much more to say, but if you've been reading the journal, particularly this year, you may have an idea of what those thoughts are already....
Most of these, however, are technological. In today's highly classist society, in an era where Marxism could seem relevant again, it just strikes me as so odd. Most of my education was done via traditional lectures. Right now, I am taking courses with online components, that are solely online, that make heavy use of technology. In addition, I am working with a master teacher, a department, a school, a system, that wants me to go against 500 years of tradition, throw out the lecture, and in these current manifestations, use powerpoint.
There is a logic, a sense of seduction, of simplicity behind it all. In addition, however, there is discord, disconnect, mechanical structures, and absurd complexity. It is as disjointed as this prose, really. This prose, incidentally, somewhat reflect a problem in my writing I worked on so desperately in junior high: I strove to convey parallelism. I also, incidentally, strove to learn and know grammar.
Thus, part of my antiquated 20th century education, as conveyed by aging teachers (many now retired) consisted of teachings that no one would dare to do now: diagramming sentences; long, convoluted grammar exercises in which gerunds, participles, tenses, parts of speech, were defined, labeled and explained. Finally, another problem that I struggled with (and may always) was the ability to be persuasive, to form a cogent, coherent, logical (if not original and provocative) thesis, a focus.
Though I am still living in the past in those regards, it conveys many a thought I have been trying to articulate: language is ideologically driven. What I have seen in reading English papers, what I have heard from English teachers current and potential, and what I know: grammar is no longer being taught.
If the youth cannot and do not grasp, strongly and distinctly, how to use sounds, how to form words, how to order those words, and how to argue for why the words chosen make sense; if the future generations cannot find any sort of linguistic way to express themselves, than a powerpoint is worthless. It is masturbation of a highly manipulative form, and in that sense may cross over into the murky waters of exploitation and rape.
In regards to the latter two terms, I am reminded of the song "Plastic Fantastic Lover" by Jefferson Airplane. Other songs have been pouring through my mind right now, such as "Shadahroba" by Roy Orbison and "Comes a Time" by Neil Young.
At the end of the day, however, regardless and irrespective of the songs, of the message, of whatever components work to create that message, there is the fact and the strange realisation that what was to be a meditation on technology, on failures, on all sorts of other concepts came back to grammar, to language.
Lately I have been on interesting new trends. For 2010, I strove to be more conscientious. For 2011, I strove to be more linguistically-minded and language-orientated. For 2012, then, I am hoping to strive toward the creation of a synthesis.
This entry could have been a good learning opportunity, and a step toward that goal. After all, a synthesis the creation of the synthesis is basically meant to be a means by which to live. It is meant to be a "design for living." I am not near that at all. From another perspective, 2010 I was trying to observe and not much else; in 2011, I have been aiming to collect facts, note possible data trends, and continue observing. 2012 will build upon that framework, hopefully, and turn the observations of 2010 and the data of 2011 and form a theory. Passive knowledge, to active knowledge, to application of knowledge, would be another way of looking at it.
My eye is on a 5 year plan, but my heart and mind are worried about the clock, that it is a few minutes after 11, I am not physically ready for today and nothing is done yet. I should be at the men's meeting, as I even texted someone that I would be. I fail in so many regards.
Part of the desire to move toward 2012 and start my hands at theorizing has been a direct result of the circumstances of this fall. In August I got reconnected with AJ, again; in September Elisa popped into say farewell and Anthony was seen; some time spent with Wes, sort of; the return to facebook; the nascent relationship (not necessarily romantic) with the new guy; reconnecting with Jeff; reconnected with Vuthya; reconnecting with Brittany and her family; seeing Shelly yesterday; etc.
The dots are connected now, I suppose. The data is there, but can I interpret it? What can I extrapolate?
Quick note (if that is even possible for me): my 2 favourite courses throughout my entire education were: AP Euro in high school and Syntax I at the university level. The common underpinning was that both required unprecedented amounts of hard work and sacrifice. Both courses demanded my all, and I gave it. Churchill spoke of blood, sweat, and tears and that was what it took.
The only other observation that sticks out at this point was that in AP Euro, grandma died toward the end, less than 1 month before the test. I still passed and did well, but my grades noticeably dipped, as could be expected. In Syntax 1, about week 6/7 or so,I was so tired, so worn-out, so beaten down by my grades (the occasional B, the occasional C, but most with those ambiguous adjectives that depending on who I asked meant either a C+ or a B-). I was taking it P/NP, so that didn't necessarily matter, as I knew I would pass, I just did not want to have to worry about a grade. But the point is, around week 6/7 a serious intellectual and existential malaise set in, and I did not know what to do. Incidentally and ironically and a dot I never bothered to connect: my AP Euro teacher died a week or so before Syntax I was over. His death did not affect that grade, actually. And, in Syntax I, I ended on a "very good" --a B+ which was, indeed, my highest mark in that course.
In both courses, I wanted to learn, and I did. I felt myself challenged on all fronts: morally, intellectually, spiritually, philosophically, physically, even. Both courses laid foundations, blueprints, guidelines to sort of follow. I don't know that I rose to the challenge, but I'd like to think I did. I gave it my all, and my all was not all that good, to be honest.
This entry, above all else, started about loneliness, took a grammatical detour, and ended up on my twin passions: History and Linguistics. Much more to say, but if you've been reading the journal, particularly this year, you may have an idea of what those thoughts are already....