on fourfectas and the illusion of change
This is my fourth entry of the day. I won't really know if it will be substantial or not. I was going through the archives, and the last time I even found a trifecta (barring this year) was 2009. The last time I had a fourfecta was 2008, when I actually had two. Now, now here I am, typing away as if I'll remember this in the morning.
I was just on the phone with Gail. I was walking, spending money I don't really have on fast food I didn't really want and on cigarettes that no one needs. I was half-tempted to continue walking and walk the 2+ miles to the doughnut shop ( by my estimation, it is about 2.5 miles, maybe 3 to the doughnut shop, for a total round-trip of some 5 to 6 miles). But, why do that? I didn't want to risk my parents coming home and not finding me. That would have been terribly awkward, really.
Somehow, however, I'm still wide away. I know I can take my pills and induce sleep that way, if necessary.
I've been guzzling orange juice in a manner unbecoming of well, anyone, really. I have no idea how much orange juice I have had, but, I'm sure I could reflect on it and at least come up with a ballpark figure.
I don't know. I'm just so lost and confused. But, because I did walk, because I did spend money, I somehow feel better about life. As much as I deride this capitalist hypocrisy that an increasing number of human beings are living in or at least being exposed to, I realise that I'm just another cog in an endless machine. I don't know if this society is perfect, but I refuse to believe that it is better than all the alternatives.
This need for consumption has got to stop --at least until I buy stock in every major company producing orange juice. Then, and only then, can I bypass this "career" notion and go on living the life of Riley, of drinking orange juice like it's going out of style.
Now, I don't really know why I wrote so much on orange juice, or if I'll even get the cheekiness of that last paragraph in the morning, but for now, I'm so pleased, I'm going to celebrate ---with a glass of orange juice.
I was just on the phone with Gail. I was walking, spending money I don't really have on fast food I didn't really want and on cigarettes that no one needs. I was half-tempted to continue walking and walk the 2+ miles to the doughnut shop ( by my estimation, it is about 2.5 miles, maybe 3 to the doughnut shop, for a total round-trip of some 5 to 6 miles). But, why do that? I didn't want to risk my parents coming home and not finding me. That would have been terribly awkward, really.
Somehow, however, I'm still wide away. I know I can take my pills and induce sleep that way, if necessary.
I've been guzzling orange juice in a manner unbecoming of well, anyone, really. I have no idea how much orange juice I have had, but, I'm sure I could reflect on it and at least come up with a ballpark figure.
I don't know. I'm just so lost and confused. But, because I did walk, because I did spend money, I somehow feel better about life. As much as I deride this capitalist hypocrisy that an increasing number of human beings are living in or at least being exposed to, I realise that I'm just another cog in an endless machine. I don't know if this society is perfect, but I refuse to believe that it is better than all the alternatives.
This need for consumption has got to stop --at least until I buy stock in every major company producing orange juice. Then, and only then, can I bypass this "career" notion and go on living the life of Riley, of drinking orange juice like it's going out of style.
Now, I don't really know why I wrote so much on orange juice, or if I'll even get the cheekiness of that last paragraph in the morning, but for now, I'm so pleased, I'm going to celebrate ---with a glass of orange juice.