I want to live, I want to give...
After the previous entry, I went back to bed and tossed and turned --from about 6:30ish to about 11ish. I actually slept during most of that time. I watched some Lucy, flipped over, and saw some Fraiser. I don't like that Fraiser has displaced the Golden Girls, but maybe a change in sitcoms will help.
I feel like such a pathetic fool. I'm deeply afraid of what I can do. Knowing that some serious binge drinking almost killed me, I wonder....well, I wonder a great many things, mostly things I shouldn't be wondering, at all. I wish I knew better how to navigate through life.
Today is Kenéz's birthday. Huzzah! The old bugger lives! He even commented on my wall this morning. It was touching. This morning, I also baked a frozen pizza. Not good, not healthy, even if I had waited until a "proper" time to prepare it.
I'm truly ill. In a physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, mental, frame. I'm sick nearly every which way. I knew that if I lost weight it would be exacerbated, but I knew I had to lose weight if I wanted to live. On a related note, to yesterday's long-ass entry and to harken back to Dostoevsky, I may have started The Brothers Karamazov yesterday. I know I'll have to re-read whatever fragments it is I've already read. I'm worried.
The good news is, I cried myself to sleep last night, but not before calling my pdoc. I'll see Gib soon. So soon, I should be logging off....but alas, an entry without even a poorly-penned conclusion, usually isn't my style.
so, I'll leave you with a quotation "The lights have gone out in Europe, and they shall not be lit again in our lifetime." Well, okay, that may not be the exact quotation, but it's enough to google it yourself. Cheers.
I feel like such a pathetic fool. I'm deeply afraid of what I can do. Knowing that some serious binge drinking almost killed me, I wonder....well, I wonder a great many things, mostly things I shouldn't be wondering, at all. I wish I knew better how to navigate through life.
Today is Kenéz's birthday. Huzzah! The old bugger lives! He even commented on my wall this morning. It was touching. This morning, I also baked a frozen pizza. Not good, not healthy, even if I had waited until a "proper" time to prepare it.
I'm truly ill. In a physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, mental, frame. I'm sick nearly every which way. I knew that if I lost weight it would be exacerbated, but I knew I had to lose weight if I wanted to live. On a related note, to yesterday's long-ass entry and to harken back to Dostoevsky, I may have started The Brothers Karamazov yesterday. I know I'll have to re-read whatever fragments it is I've already read. I'm worried.
The good news is, I cried myself to sleep last night, but not before calling my pdoc. I'll see Gib soon. So soon, I should be logging off....but alas, an entry without even a poorly-penned conclusion, usually isn't my style.
so, I'll leave you with a quotation "The lights have gone out in Europe, and they shall not be lit again in our lifetime." Well, okay, that may not be the exact quotation, but it's enough to google it yourself. Cheers.