the lines are blurred; the actions are parallel
Because of how frequently I communicate my thoughts via the internet (i.e. here, twitter, facebook, etc) I feel as if I've done nothing but blur lines of distinction. My politics are worn on my sleeve, much like my heart. But where, oh where, is the display of my heart?
Anyone can dig through (most of) the archives to find glimmers into the past. I see myself as rather insecure and depressed, with moments of radiance. Ever since the surgery, however, I feel that the radiance is no longer a fading glimmer but a light that grows ever brighter. I know; I'm prone to overexaggeration, hyperbole, melodrama, whatever you wish to label these sentiments.
But they are real. And for 30 days, they have been habit. True, there were some low points. It is also true that there is more progress to make. But, I've finally learned and begun implementing what I knew all along: incremental progress.
Today I have: gone to mass, read (most of) the Sunday NYT, run a few errands, studied (a minimal amount of) German, finished laundry (that I started yesterday) and gone for a walk of approximately 1.5 miles. In sum, today has been a leisure day, but compared to how I spent the 2007-2010 period, it was a day of great progress.
Progress is relative and it is not linear. Those are two important concepts I have finally, after years, internalized. I am, in case anyone has yet to notice, a slow learner. I see all sorts of contradictions and steps forward and backward. Yesterday I was digging through the archives of this journal. I don't know who I am or what I've become. But, like I said yesterday, if during my "wilderness years" I could manage to finish high school, complete 2 bachelor's degrees, and reunite with my trio, then just about anything is possible. I've always been a bit of a late starter anyways.
I guess what I'm saying is, I have faith and it is growing every day.
Anyone can dig through (most of) the archives to find glimmers into the past. I see myself as rather insecure and depressed, with moments of radiance. Ever since the surgery, however, I feel that the radiance is no longer a fading glimmer but a light that grows ever brighter. I know; I'm prone to overexaggeration, hyperbole, melodrama, whatever you wish to label these sentiments.
But they are real. And for 30 days, they have been habit. True, there were some low points. It is also true that there is more progress to make. But, I've finally learned and begun implementing what I knew all along: incremental progress.
Today I have: gone to mass, read (most of) the Sunday NYT, run a few errands, studied (a minimal amount of) German, finished laundry (that I started yesterday) and gone for a walk of approximately 1.5 miles. In sum, today has been a leisure day, but compared to how I spent the 2007-2010 period, it was a day of great progress.
Progress is relative and it is not linear. Those are two important concepts I have finally, after years, internalized. I am, in case anyone has yet to notice, a slow learner. I see all sorts of contradictions and steps forward and backward. Yesterday I was digging through the archives of this journal. I don't know who I am or what I've become. But, like I said yesterday, if during my "wilderness years" I could manage to finish high school, complete 2 bachelor's degrees, and reunite with my trio, then just about anything is possible. I've always been a bit of a late starter anyways.
I guess what I'm saying is, I have faith and it is growing every day.