an ahistorical mess: or, avoiding the twitter
Petey K. and Billy N. are now fb friends. what of Johnny B? I don't know. My trifecta, if you will.
I'm being lonely and dopey and depressed. It sucks; however, it is who I am, quite honestly. No, it is not. I'm tired of "being" my illness. I simply suffer from depression; I am not the embodiment of it --or am I?
I don't know. I just want to write Dalton Ames a bunch of times and leave it at that. But I can't. That would be immature and dumb, just like I tend to be. I'm not saying I am those things. Though, by some measurement I must be, for we are all immature or dumb in relation to someone or something. Of course, on the flip side, we are all mature, intelligent, sentient beings as well. As I'm fond of saying, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
I'm tired of all this self-doubting bullshit and nonsense. But, it is what it is. It has become part of who I am.
Since age 13, I have been obsessed with death. That began my descent into madness. It culminated in a period I label my teen years (though chronologically my teen years extend beyond the period; remember, folks, peroidization is highly arbitrary).
A rough break-down of the periodization:
Age 13-17 (August 7, 1999- October 16, 2003): the suicide years. the Beatles and Pink Floyd
Age 17-21: (October 17,2003- May 2007: UCSC and other new relationships (the two Jessicas) The Smiths and Morrissey
Age 21-24:(May 2007- September 16, 2010) Being drunk and overeating; Neil Young
Age 24-??: (September 17,2010-20??) I wonder how long this phase will last?
I need new music, clearly. Someone to love over and over, like crimson and clover. Most people don't have such clean breaks between the periods in their life. I know that each period actually overlaps with each other, and i'm okay with that. I could easily label it 13-21 and 21-present, or I could even further subdivide the parts.
I am writing my autobiography. No matter how painful. It will be cathartic. My livejournal will serve as a good starting point for anyone interested in writing a biography. Yes, I am that narcissistic.
I've always managed to pull off something at the end. Life will be no different. Right now is that painful middle part, where I meander in obscurity for years at a time.
I really need into the teaching credential progam, or I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Reapply later on, I suppose.
So many confusing statements. So many contradictions. I am clearly experiencing a mixed state. Please ignore what you know to be bullshit, and go along with whatever it is you know to be true, for you, dear reader, most likely know me better than I do.
I'm being lonely and dopey and depressed. It sucks; however, it is who I am, quite honestly. No, it is not. I'm tired of "being" my illness. I simply suffer from depression; I am not the embodiment of it --or am I?
I don't know. I just want to write Dalton Ames a bunch of times and leave it at that. But I can't. That would be immature and dumb, just like I tend to be. I'm not saying I am those things. Though, by some measurement I must be, for we are all immature or dumb in relation to someone or something. Of course, on the flip side, we are all mature, intelligent, sentient beings as well. As I'm fond of saying, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
I'm tired of all this self-doubting bullshit and nonsense. But, it is what it is. It has become part of who I am.
Since age 13, I have been obsessed with death. That began my descent into madness. It culminated in a period I label my teen years (though chronologically my teen years extend beyond the period; remember, folks, peroidization is highly arbitrary).
A rough break-down of the periodization:
Age 13-17 (August 7, 1999- October 16, 2003): the suicide years. the Beatles and Pink Floyd
Age 17-21: (October 17,2003- May 2007: UCSC and other new relationships (the two Jessicas) The Smiths and Morrissey
Age 21-24:(May 2007- September 16, 2010) Being drunk and overeating; Neil Young
Age 24-??: (September 17,2010-20??) I wonder how long this phase will last?
I need new music, clearly. Someone to love over and over, like crimson and clover. Most people don't have such clean breaks between the periods in their life. I know that each period actually overlaps with each other, and i'm okay with that. I could easily label it 13-21 and 21-present, or I could even further subdivide the parts.
I am writing my autobiography. No matter how painful. It will be cathartic. My livejournal will serve as a good starting point for anyone interested in writing a biography. Yes, I am that narcissistic.
I've always managed to pull off something at the end. Life will be no different. Right now is that painful middle part, where I meander in obscurity for years at a time.
I really need into the teaching credential progam, or I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Reapply later on, I suppose.
So many confusing statements. So many contradictions. I am clearly experiencing a mixed state. Please ignore what you know to be bullshit, and go along with whatever it is you know to be true, for you, dear reader, most likely know me better than I do.