these things are time-sensitive...Part II
I haven't updated since last month for lack of anything coherent or positive to say. That isn't to say, however, that only negativity has been flowing through my veins. I don't know what I'm saying, anymore. After all, this isn't writing, this is typing and there is usually little to no proper editing of any of this garbage.
I spent most of today in bed. I'm staying up right now so I can fall asleep to the golden girls. I had an invite to be social, but I ended up staying home. Le SIGH.
I feel as if I've blinked and February passed me by. If that is the case, and March --treacherous March, which usually lasts for an epoch or two -- is threatening to pull-a-February. I don't know how to handle time's rapid acceleration; I worry as to the consequences of today's actions, though I do nothing to change today because I'm still mired in yesterday's conflicts.
What was yesterday? Was it October 16th? was it May 28th? was it August 7th? I'm not sure. I appear to be lost in time and space...and, in meaning.
I can't rapid my head around the concept of consciousness lately. No matter what I do, it all seems so elusive, so mysterious. I'm also worried, because, on a rather related note --semantically, but not necessarily pragmatically-- I think UCSC might be gearing up to shut down History of Consciousness.
I find myself relating to past incarnations of myself more readily. I'm not as depressed when I look back on Santa Cruz, but I'm still not too happy about how I left there. I know I made the right choice to break up with her, but if I had really had an eye toward the future and really set myself up properly, I never would have been with her. But where would I be, then? Still pining for Jessica K.? I wonder.
I wonder if I had stayed with Jessica K. Or If my attempt had been completed. Life happens, and how we choose to react is a large part of it.
The 2000s, for better or for worse, was when I came of age. It began for me, that fateful 7th of August, 1999, but has it ended? I'm looking for a different sense of closure now. I was thrust into this period with a completed suicide, and for much of the decade that debate defined who I was. Perhaps it ended May 28th, 2007 when I ended it with Jesika Z. I'm not quite sure.
What was 2007-2009? I'm not sure the period will end, just because I get a teaching credential --if I do. I suppose I can use the calendar to neatly demarcate an end, at least this time.
I'm in the midst of another transition.
This time, it involves eating cereal before the golden girls. G'night.
I spent most of today in bed. I'm staying up right now so I can fall asleep to the golden girls. I had an invite to be social, but I ended up staying home. Le SIGH.
I feel as if I've blinked and February passed me by. If that is the case, and March --treacherous March, which usually lasts for an epoch or two -- is threatening to pull-a-February. I don't know how to handle time's rapid acceleration; I worry as to the consequences of today's actions, though I do nothing to change today because I'm still mired in yesterday's conflicts.
What was yesterday? Was it October 16th? was it May 28th? was it August 7th? I'm not sure. I appear to be lost in time and space...and, in meaning.
I can't rapid my head around the concept of consciousness lately. No matter what I do, it all seems so elusive, so mysterious. I'm also worried, because, on a rather related note --semantically, but not necessarily pragmatically-- I think UCSC might be gearing up to shut down History of Consciousness.
I find myself relating to past incarnations of myself more readily. I'm not as depressed when I look back on Santa Cruz, but I'm still not too happy about how I left there. I know I made the right choice to break up with her, but if I had really had an eye toward the future and really set myself up properly, I never would have been with her. But where would I be, then? Still pining for Jessica K.? I wonder.
I wonder if I had stayed with Jessica K. Or If my attempt had been completed. Life happens, and how we choose to react is a large part of it.
The 2000s, for better or for worse, was when I came of age. It began for me, that fateful 7th of August, 1999, but has it ended? I'm looking for a different sense of closure now. I was thrust into this period with a completed suicide, and for much of the decade that debate defined who I was. Perhaps it ended May 28th, 2007 when I ended it with Jesika Z. I'm not quite sure.
What was 2007-2009? I'm not sure the period will end, just because I get a teaching credential --if I do. I suppose I can use the calendar to neatly demarcate an end, at least this time.
I'm in the midst of another transition.
This time, it involves eating cereal before the golden girls. G'night.