some game mini-reviews
Batman: Arkham Asylum (360)
PROS:
+Great graphics
+Incredible presentation throughout
+Above-average voice acting (well, except for Harley Quinn)
+Controls are very responsive
+Combat flows well
+Clever level design
+Batman's gadgets are fun to use
+Story is well-thought-out
+Stealthily picking off armed hostiles is exciting
+Lots of extras
+Riddler's riddles throughout the game are fun and ensure replay value
CONS:
- THE BOSS BATTLES SUCK, I guess the developers' idea of innovation in boss battles is to have one normal phase, and all subsequent phases having normal henchmen flood the room while you're trying to focus on the boss.
- You have to fight a certain type of enemy about a billion times with no variation in strategy other than OMG henchmen
- Spending a good while picking off seven armed hostiles in the shadows only to be killed by the eighth and having to start all over sucks
- It seems like Batman never has enough health
OVERALL:
A really good game with some minuscule flaws, I recommend it without hesitation.
New Super Mario Bros. Wii (Wii)
PROS:
+It's a Mario platformer
+New powerups aren't completely retarded (see NSMB DS)
+Cleverly hidden Star Coins to search for
+Boss battles are engaging
+Graphics and art style are like a hybrid of Super Mario World and Yoshi's Island, more appealing than the DS game
+Badass castle theme music
CONS:
-Offline multiplayer only, this is inexcusable in 2009
-Level design is completely fucking asinine. Of the many times I've died in this game, very few I felt were my own fault rather than poorly-designed obstacles, and I usually admit it when I fuck up!
-When you ground pound on a downhill surface, you will fucking ROCKET down that shit. You kind of have to play to realize why this is a con.
-YOU HAVE TO WAGGLE TO PICK SHIT OFF OF THE GROUND! FUCK YOU NINTENDO WHICH ONE OF YOUR TROLLFACED INTERNS THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA WELL HERE'S SOME NEWS FOR YOU IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MADE IT PAST BETA TESTING WITHOUT THE TESTERS JUMPING OUT OF THE NEAREST WINDOW AFTER BUSTING OUT OF THEIR CUBICLES
-Little variation in bonus minigames
-Bad level design is offset by the game practically throwing 1-Ups and powerups at you
-Mario moves like he's on ice all the damn time
-AND WHEN HE'S ACTUALLY ON ICE WATCH THE FUCK OUT YOU SO MUCH AS SLIP YOUR DAMN FINGER AND HE'S IN THE PIT
-The music is completely forgettable (save for castle theme) and it seems like every damn song has that annoying-ass "BAH" sound
-THE ENEMIES ALL LOOK SO HAPPY AND HAVING FUN AND I DO NOT WANT TO STOMP ON THEM
-Toad rescue missions are annoying and I have never felt any incentive to actually do one after the first
OVERALL:
This game is actually not all that bad. I HATE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF IT, but I still play it for some reason. It's still pretty fun despite the levels being the epitome of FUCK YOU. Rent it.
The Beatles: Rock Band (360)
PROS:
+Excellent presentation!
+Memorable songs make an excellent track list with very few songs I dislike
+Nice delay with timer for when you unpause
+Online play is smooth
+Sound quality is great, the songs sound better in the game than on my physical Beatles albums
+Downloadable content is quality stuff
+Lots of extras create a pseudo-documentary
+Entertaining background "dreamscapes"
CONS:
-Only 45 songs on disk, but at least they're 45 great ones
-Whammy bar doesn't affect sound
-Shit, that's about it
OVERALL:
THIS IS A REALLY GOOD GAME IF YOU LIKE THE BEATLES AND YOU LIKE ROCK BAND THIS IS A MUST-HAVE NO QUESTION
PROS:
+Great graphics
+Incredible presentation throughout
+Above-average voice acting (well, except for Harley Quinn)
+Controls are very responsive
+Combat flows well
+Clever level design
+Batman's gadgets are fun to use
+Story is well-thought-out
+Stealthily picking off armed hostiles is exciting
+Lots of extras
+Riddler's riddles throughout the game are fun and ensure replay value
CONS:
- THE BOSS BATTLES SUCK, I guess the developers' idea of innovation in boss battles is to have one normal phase, and all subsequent phases having normal henchmen flood the room while you're trying to focus on the boss.
- You have to fight a certain type of enemy about a billion times with no variation in strategy other than OMG henchmen
- Spending a good while picking off seven armed hostiles in the shadows only to be killed by the eighth and having to start all over sucks
- It seems like Batman never has enough health
OVERALL:
A really good game with some minuscule flaws, I recommend it without hesitation.
New Super Mario Bros. Wii (Wii)
PROS:
+It's a Mario platformer
+New powerups aren't completely retarded (see NSMB DS)
+Cleverly hidden Star Coins to search for
+Boss battles are engaging
+Graphics and art style are like a hybrid of Super Mario World and Yoshi's Island, more appealing than the DS game
+Badass castle theme music
CONS:
-Offline multiplayer only, this is inexcusable in 2009
-Level design is completely fucking asinine. Of the many times I've died in this game, very few I felt were my own fault rather than poorly-designed obstacles, and I usually admit it when I fuck up!
-When you ground pound on a downhill surface, you will fucking ROCKET down that shit. You kind of have to play to realize why this is a con.
-YOU HAVE TO WAGGLE TO PICK SHIT OFF OF THE GROUND! FUCK YOU NINTENDO WHICH ONE OF YOUR TROLLFACED INTERNS THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA WELL HERE'S SOME NEWS FOR YOU IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MADE IT PAST BETA TESTING WITHOUT THE TESTERS JUMPING OUT OF THE NEAREST WINDOW AFTER BUSTING OUT OF THEIR CUBICLES
-Little variation in bonus minigames
-Bad level design is offset by the game practically throwing 1-Ups and powerups at you
-Mario moves like he's on ice all the damn time
-AND WHEN HE'S ACTUALLY ON ICE WATCH THE FUCK OUT YOU SO MUCH AS SLIP YOUR DAMN FINGER AND HE'S IN THE PIT
-The music is completely forgettable (save for castle theme) and it seems like every damn song has that annoying-ass "BAH" sound
-THE ENEMIES ALL LOOK SO HAPPY AND HAVING FUN AND I DO NOT WANT TO STOMP ON THEM
-Toad rescue missions are annoying and I have never felt any incentive to actually do one after the first
OVERALL:
This game is actually not all that bad. I HATE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF IT, but I still play it for some reason. It's still pretty fun despite the levels being the epitome of FUCK YOU. Rent it.
The Beatles: Rock Band (360)
PROS:
+Excellent presentation!
+Memorable songs make an excellent track list with very few songs I dislike
+Nice delay with timer for when you unpause
+Online play is smooth
+Sound quality is great, the songs sound better in the game than on my physical Beatles albums
+Downloadable content is quality stuff
+Lots of extras create a pseudo-documentary
+Entertaining background "dreamscapes"
CONS:
-Only 45 songs on disk, but at least they're 45 great ones
-Whammy bar doesn't affect sound
-Shit, that's about it
OVERALL:
THIS IS A REALLY GOOD GAME IF YOU LIKE THE BEATLES AND YOU LIKE ROCK BAND THIS IS A MUST-HAVE NO QUESTION