Back Again
I never thought I would post here again, yet here I am...
A lot has happened since I last posted, but let's just call it life and move on.
So, Livejournal still lives. But the posts have died down, has anyone posted recently? It's sad, I guess, how fast life can change. But one thing I have always found myself doing and silently hating that I'm doing is looking back and regretting. It should not be this way.
I have much to look forward to, I should not waste it looking back and regretting.
There is a purpose to this post. I just recently looked back over my posts (yeah...) and realized that I never truly posted my feelings. I posted what I didn't mind sharing, but it was always chipper or depressed but lacking in true feeling. I have always hidden my fears and my sorrows, and I want to try and change this. Before, I was afraid of burdening my friends with my problems or being rejected because of them. But now I realize that maybe sharing would bring more of a freedom then a burden? There's only one way to find out.
Always in my life, I've been afraid of being too different. Of being alone. Everyone deals with this to some degree, and in that, I am no different. Back home, I hoped to solve all my problems with one thing; a boyfriend. Surely, having someone who loves you, every aspect of you, would make anyone feel accepted and normal? And for part of freshmen year, my dream came true. And yeah, for a while, it was everything I had hoped for. I wasn't alone anymore.
But once again, I grew up a little bit more and realized that there is more to love then feeling accepted. Life has once again proven to be anything but simple.
(Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!)
But, moving on...
I still feel quite alone sometimes, but it is lessened when I am surrounded by friends. And now, living in an apartment full of friends, I have something else to call a family. I have grown to realize something I might have known all along; I love my friends, every single one. You have all helped me more then you could possibly realize. And I am sorry that most of you probably won't ever know.
But now, one of my fears can be laid to rest.
Remember?
When Karen died, and no one noticed?
A lot has happened since I last posted, but let's just call it life and move on.
So, Livejournal still lives. But the posts have died down, has anyone posted recently? It's sad, I guess, how fast life can change. But one thing I have always found myself doing and silently hating that I'm doing is looking back and regretting. It should not be this way.
I have much to look forward to, I should not waste it looking back and regretting.
There is a purpose to this post. I just recently looked back over my posts (yeah...) and realized that I never truly posted my feelings. I posted what I didn't mind sharing, but it was always chipper or depressed but lacking in true feeling. I have always hidden my fears and my sorrows, and I want to try and change this. Before, I was afraid of burdening my friends with my problems or being rejected because of them. But now I realize that maybe sharing would bring more of a freedom then a burden? There's only one way to find out.
Always in my life, I've been afraid of being too different. Of being alone. Everyone deals with this to some degree, and in that, I am no different. Back home, I hoped to solve all my problems with one thing; a boyfriend. Surely, having someone who loves you, every aspect of you, would make anyone feel accepted and normal? And for part of freshmen year, my dream came true. And yeah, for a while, it was everything I had hoped for. I wasn't alone anymore.
But once again, I grew up a little bit more and realized that there is more to love then feeling accepted. Life has once again proven to be anything but simple.
(Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!)
But, moving on...
I still feel quite alone sometimes, but it is lessened when I am surrounded by friends. And now, living in an apartment full of friends, I have something else to call a family. I have grown to realize something I might have known all along; I love my friends, every single one. You have all helped me more then you could possibly realize. And I am sorry that most of you probably won't ever know.
But now, one of my fears can be laid to rest.
Remember?
When Karen died, and no one noticed?