when a heart breaks, it dont break even
everyday i expect to wake up feeling a little better than the day before. somedays it happens but somedays its worse. Im trying so hard to get over it...Im trying not to cry anymore...I dont know how to control any of that though. I put away everything he gave me, everything that reminded me of him...all our memories together. I thought maybe it would help me get through days without thinking about him so much but it hasent helped. I cant bring myself to throw anything away. I wish there was some solution for this, but there isnt. Even keeping busy or going out is only a temporary fix. Im not sure what to do with myself. I know Im a good person, I know I have people who love me and who want to be there for me...and I wish I could understand what went wrong. I wish i knew why I am so blind to relationship problems...I wish i believed that things always happen for the better. I want to believe that so badly. I wish I could stop wondering if there are other things going on...I wish i could stop thinking that the problem was more me than him...I hate feeling out of control...but i hate wondering if maybe there was something I could have done differently. I know Im supposed to let go...I have to...but its killing me.
I want things to start getting better...I need them to. I kept telling myself things can't get worse but they seem to keep heading in that direction. This has been an awful year...I wish I knew when things would start getting better for me. I wish I saw some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. Im trying so hard to take care of myself but I dont even know how to keep doing that anymore. My only solution for right now is working out...It seems to be the only thing that I can get myself to do consistently. Maybe if i can make myself feel better about how I look and who I am then things will fall into place a little better. Ive been so disgusted with myself for a while...I guess I just have to keep focusing on that and deal with the hard times, and the crying and emotions as they come. I wish I could stop fearing what my future is going to look like now. I dont want to be unemployed, I dont want to be alone, I dont want to sit by myself all the time, I dont want to feel sorry for myself or be angry for how I look or feel. I dont want to be afraid but I am....Im terrified of what could happen...I can't take more bad...not anymore...not now...
I want things to start getting better...I need them to. I kept telling myself things can't get worse but they seem to keep heading in that direction. This has been an awful year...I wish I knew when things would start getting better for me. I wish I saw some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. Im trying so hard to take care of myself but I dont even know how to keep doing that anymore. My only solution for right now is working out...It seems to be the only thing that I can get myself to do consistently. Maybe if i can make myself feel better about how I look and who I am then things will fall into place a little better. Ive been so disgusted with myself for a while...I guess I just have to keep focusing on that and deal with the hard times, and the crying and emotions as they come. I wish I could stop fearing what my future is going to look like now. I dont want to be unemployed, I dont want to be alone, I dont want to sit by myself all the time, I dont want to feel sorry for myself or be angry for how I look or feel. I dont want to be afraid but I am....Im terrified of what could happen...I can't take more bad...not anymore...not now...