Another Email Story
Invite JasonS4A2@earthlink.net to Gmail?
by Kit FitzSimons
Libby--
It's been like a month since I last heard from you. Are
you okay? Let me know if something's up or if you want to
talk, because I'm here if you need me. I'm up on AIM
basically all day, or I can do ICQ if that's better. Let
me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I was hoping to avoid this, but I feel you have a right to
know: the truth is, I've been avoiding you since the last
time I was over at your place. When I asked to use the
restroom, I really snuck down to your basement. There's
no coffin down there. There's no incense or candelabras,
no fresh-shipped native soil, no gibbering manservant. I
just stood there, unable to understand what I wasn't
seeing. I thought you were a vampire, Jason, and it turns
out you're not? I just can't deal with these kinds of
weird surprises. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
--Libby
Libby--
I'm... I'm sorry. I genuinely hadn't realized that I've
been putting forward that kind of impression. Do I really
come across as a ravening undead nobleman? I feel horrible
for unintentionally leading you on like that. Was it how
we only saw each other after dark? I did say I have to
work late most nights. But beyond that, is there any way
for us to move forward from this? Starting over without
the pall of bloodsucking monsters hanging over us?
Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
To be honest, Jason, I was actually much more comfortable
when I thought you _were_ a vampire, and now that I know
you're not, I just don't know what you _are_. I had based
my whole image of you on the supposed fact that you were a
vampire, capable of seducing me with your piercing black
eyes, turning into a wolf or mist or a swarm of bats and
scuttling down sheer vertical surfaces. I envisioned our
relationship proceeding a very specific way --some sort of
protected relationship while you fought the urge to drain
my blood, your eyes slowly sapping my will to resist your
inch-long incisors, maybe moving in together in some
basement apartment and my taking nighttime jobs so we
could sleep at the same time-- I had it all planned out,
but none of that will happen because you're not a vampire.
It's not your fault, obviously. This is my hangup. Don't
blame yourself.
--Libby
Libby--
I can be a vampire if you want me to be. I don't have a
problem with it. It's not like I'm morally against
drinking blood or that I'm all that in love with the cross
or garlic or whatever. If you want, I'll go out tonight
and get sired real fast, and we can put things back how
they were. I get off work around 8:30, and I could
probably be vampiric by 11 at the latest. Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I don't want you to think you have to change for me,
especially not in some back-alley blood-exchange
operation. You have no idea what you could catch from one
of those kinds of unsanitary procedures. I hear that's how
the latest zombie virus is spreading.
--Libby
Libby--
If you'd like to come with me, I'm sure we could find an
all-night accredited Siring Hut together, and you could
help me pick out a sire. That way, it would be our
decision instead of some unknown that I just choose at
random. And then there's the coffin, the tapestries, the
honorary counthood certificate...
The phone book's got two Huts listed that say 'Open Late,'
and one's only in Derbyville, so that's a half-hour there,
a half-hour back, and then however long the siring takes
(their website says to allow 45 minutes to 2 hours to
ensure the highest quality of service).
If you've got work early the next day though, we could
wait until Friday. That might be better anyway; I'll
have to give at least a couple days' notice at work before
we head over, since afterwards, I'll need to get a
graveyard-shift position (Ha!). Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
If you're really willing to go make that kind of a
commitment --I mean for yourself, and not just for me--
you wouldn't have to be a vampire. I only said vampire
because that's what I thought of from the beginning. But
turning into a vampire would be a real hassle for you now,
what with the schedule-shifting and the expensive
purchases and the inevitable bat lag. What if, instead,
we go down to the ASPCA Lycanthrope Shelter and get you
bitten by a weretiger or werepuma or something. I've
always wanted a part-time cat.
But totally up to you.
--Libby
Libby--
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dander. I guess I could get
a Flonase prescription, but if we're looking to keep costs
down, maybe we could look into an undead graft from the My
Cold Dead Hands store on Rencaster St.? That way, I could
still work during the day, but I'd be just undead enough
to crave your internal organs a little, just enough to
build up some romantic tension? Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
If you're going to compromise for me, I can at least do
the same for you, and we'll meet in the middle. What if
_I_ have the Negatronics, Inc. guys open a portal for me
and we can share the apartment with my evil twin from an
alternate universe? At the very least, it would make our
individual share of the rent less, and that's always a
plus. I actually probably have enough savings to bring
over two twins, one evil, one super-nice, and that would
let the four of us all balance each other's personalities
out.
Would you want a twin to stay with us too? I don't want
this living situation to become all about me.
--Libby
Libby--
I'm fine with living with three of you if you're sure it's
okay if I mix you up. I mean, if the evil you comes in and
tries to seduce me, are you going to be mad that I didn't
know it wasn't you-you? Not that that would happen, but it
could. It happens to the best of transdimensional twins.
As for me, I've already tried the whole twin thing, and I
decided it wasn't up my alley, since my doppleganger found
out about it, and tried to switch with the twin so that
I'd die the next time we saw one another. I mean, luckily,
a couple of my clones died instead, but it's still a
situation I'll leave to the people who can handle it (and
you sound like you've got it figured out).
Of course, if you're going to be three people, I guess I
could just get possessed by two or three restless spirits
from one of the old desecrated indian burial grounds.
Would that go okay with your idea? Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I'm sorry to hear about your clones. I know you can get
really attached to them. I lost my father's clone a
couple years back (a shipping mixup, as usual), so I do
know how it feels. That's sort of the reason to bring at
least one evil twin over; that way I know I've got someone
who can watch out for herself. (And she's a twin in name
only. She's really just me, so it won't become a problem.)
Possession would actually be really cool. Then between the
two of us we'd have enough for a good solid game of
'Apples to Apples.'
You were right. I was being too hasty, and I just needed
some perspective. Let's get our extra people after work,
then meet up around 11. Sound good?
Good luck on your end. I can't wait!
--Libby
Libby--
I'm totally onboard with this plan. I hope your
dimensional portal goes smoothly. Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
Where were you last night? I finally went to bed around
two. Call me when you get this, okay?
--Libby
Jason--
Thanks for calling last night to let me know you might not
make it. I turned in early. I hope the desecration and
possession went okay for you. Lunch at your place?
--Libby
Jason--
You insignificant piece of shit. Was I just a Fuck-To-Go
for you then? Come inside, make a mess on my carpet and
leave this morning without a word? Just so you know, I
stole your Discover card while you were spent and crying
into the pillow, so you can expect to be working off the
interest for last night's fuck-up for the next ten to
twelve years. Ciao, asshat.
--Libby
Libby(s)--
Sorry for calling, not calling and skipping out after sex.
After the ritual, I'm not really sure any more that it'd
work out between us as we stand now. I mean, I'm now prone
to devastating telekinetic fits of rage, and you, well,
this isn't the first time you haven't been able to make up
your mind about who you are and who you want me to be.
Maybe if you were to go through the possession ritual
as well, we could make something work. I just feel like
my newly-acquired supernatural Native American ancestors
wouldn't want me dating outside the tribal spirits.
Don't think I'm putting all of this on you though. I know
I need to make some sort of concession too. So. I'd be
willing to sell my soul for unholy access to the Dark
Magics, enhance my connection to my Native American totem
by becoming a skinwalker, or pledge myself to reviving one
of the Elder Gods, someone along the lines of Rhogog or
Nyarlathotep. Or vampirism. Vampirism's still on the
table.
If any of those sounds okay to you, shoot me a reply, and
let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
No.
--Libby
Jason--
No.
--Libby
Jason--
All of the above.
--Libby.
by Kit FitzSimons
Libby--
It's been like a month since I last heard from you. Are
you okay? Let me know if something's up or if you want to
talk, because I'm here if you need me. I'm up on AIM
basically all day, or I can do ICQ if that's better. Let
me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I was hoping to avoid this, but I feel you have a right to
know: the truth is, I've been avoiding you since the last
time I was over at your place. When I asked to use the
restroom, I really snuck down to your basement. There's
no coffin down there. There's no incense or candelabras,
no fresh-shipped native soil, no gibbering manservant. I
just stood there, unable to understand what I wasn't
seeing. I thought you were a vampire, Jason, and it turns
out you're not? I just can't deal with these kinds of
weird surprises. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
--Libby
Libby--
I'm... I'm sorry. I genuinely hadn't realized that I've
been putting forward that kind of impression. Do I really
come across as a ravening undead nobleman? I feel horrible
for unintentionally leading you on like that. Was it how
we only saw each other after dark? I did say I have to
work late most nights. But beyond that, is there any way
for us to move forward from this? Starting over without
the pall of bloodsucking monsters hanging over us?
Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
To be honest, Jason, I was actually much more comfortable
when I thought you _were_ a vampire, and now that I know
you're not, I just don't know what you _are_. I had based
my whole image of you on the supposed fact that you were a
vampire, capable of seducing me with your piercing black
eyes, turning into a wolf or mist or a swarm of bats and
scuttling down sheer vertical surfaces. I envisioned our
relationship proceeding a very specific way --some sort of
protected relationship while you fought the urge to drain
my blood, your eyes slowly sapping my will to resist your
inch-long incisors, maybe moving in together in some
basement apartment and my taking nighttime jobs so we
could sleep at the same time-- I had it all planned out,
but none of that will happen because you're not a vampire.
It's not your fault, obviously. This is my hangup. Don't
blame yourself.
--Libby
Libby--
I can be a vampire if you want me to be. I don't have a
problem with it. It's not like I'm morally against
drinking blood or that I'm all that in love with the cross
or garlic or whatever. If you want, I'll go out tonight
and get sired real fast, and we can put things back how
they were. I get off work around 8:30, and I could
probably be vampiric by 11 at the latest. Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I don't want you to think you have to change for me,
especially not in some back-alley blood-exchange
operation. You have no idea what you could catch from one
of those kinds of unsanitary procedures. I hear that's how
the latest zombie virus is spreading.
--Libby
Libby--
If you'd like to come with me, I'm sure we could find an
all-night accredited Siring Hut together, and you could
help me pick out a sire. That way, it would be our
decision instead of some unknown that I just choose at
random. And then there's the coffin, the tapestries, the
honorary counthood certificate...
The phone book's got two Huts listed that say 'Open Late,'
and one's only in Derbyville, so that's a half-hour there,
a half-hour back, and then however long the siring takes
(their website says to allow 45 minutes to 2 hours to
ensure the highest quality of service).
If you've got work early the next day though, we could
wait until Friday. That might be better anyway; I'll
have to give at least a couple days' notice at work before
we head over, since afterwards, I'll need to get a
graveyard-shift position (Ha!). Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
If you're really willing to go make that kind of a
commitment --I mean for yourself, and not just for me--
you wouldn't have to be a vampire. I only said vampire
because that's what I thought of from the beginning. But
turning into a vampire would be a real hassle for you now,
what with the schedule-shifting and the expensive
purchases and the inevitable bat lag. What if, instead,
we go down to the ASPCA Lycanthrope Shelter and get you
bitten by a weretiger or werepuma or something. I've
always wanted a part-time cat.
But totally up to you.
--Libby
Libby--
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dander. I guess I could get
a Flonase prescription, but if we're looking to keep costs
down, maybe we could look into an undead graft from the My
Cold Dead Hands store on Rencaster St.? That way, I could
still work during the day, but I'd be just undead enough
to crave your internal organs a little, just enough to
build up some romantic tension? Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
If you're going to compromise for me, I can at least do
the same for you, and we'll meet in the middle. What if
_I_ have the Negatronics, Inc. guys open a portal for me
and we can share the apartment with my evil twin from an
alternate universe? At the very least, it would make our
individual share of the rent less, and that's always a
plus. I actually probably have enough savings to bring
over two twins, one evil, one super-nice, and that would
let the four of us all balance each other's personalities
out.
Would you want a twin to stay with us too? I don't want
this living situation to become all about me.
--Libby
Libby--
I'm fine with living with three of you if you're sure it's
okay if I mix you up. I mean, if the evil you comes in and
tries to seduce me, are you going to be mad that I didn't
know it wasn't you-you? Not that that would happen, but it
could. It happens to the best of transdimensional twins.
As for me, I've already tried the whole twin thing, and I
decided it wasn't up my alley, since my doppleganger found
out about it, and tried to switch with the twin so that
I'd die the next time we saw one another. I mean, luckily,
a couple of my clones died instead, but it's still a
situation I'll leave to the people who can handle it (and
you sound like you've got it figured out).
Of course, if you're going to be three people, I guess I
could just get possessed by two or three restless spirits
from one of the old desecrated indian burial grounds.
Would that go okay with your idea? Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
I'm sorry to hear about your clones. I know you can get
really attached to them. I lost my father's clone a
couple years back (a shipping mixup, as usual), so I do
know how it feels. That's sort of the reason to bring at
least one evil twin over; that way I know I've got someone
who can watch out for herself. (And she's a twin in name
only. She's really just me, so it won't become a problem.)
Possession would actually be really cool. Then between the
two of us we'd have enough for a good solid game of
'Apples to Apples.'
You were right. I was being too hasty, and I just needed
some perspective. Let's get our extra people after work,
then meet up around 11. Sound good?
Good luck on your end. I can't wait!
--Libby
Libby--
I'm totally onboard with this plan. I hope your
dimensional portal goes smoothly. Let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
Where were you last night? I finally went to bed around
two. Call me when you get this, okay?
--Libby
Jason--
Thanks for calling last night to let me know you might not
make it. I turned in early. I hope the desecration and
possession went okay for you. Lunch at your place?
--Libby
Jason--
You insignificant piece of shit. Was I just a Fuck-To-Go
for you then? Come inside, make a mess on my carpet and
leave this morning without a word? Just so you know, I
stole your Discover card while you were spent and crying
into the pillow, so you can expect to be working off the
interest for last night's fuck-up for the next ten to
twelve years. Ciao, asshat.
--Libby
Libby(s)--
Sorry for calling, not calling and skipping out after sex.
After the ritual, I'm not really sure any more that it'd
work out between us as we stand now. I mean, I'm now prone
to devastating telekinetic fits of rage, and you, well,
this isn't the first time you haven't been able to make up
your mind about who you are and who you want me to be.
Maybe if you were to go through the possession ritual
as well, we could make something work. I just feel like
my newly-acquired supernatural Native American ancestors
wouldn't want me dating outside the tribal spirits.
Don't think I'm putting all of this on you though. I know
I need to make some sort of concession too. So. I'd be
willing to sell my soul for unholy access to the Dark
Magics, enhance my connection to my Native American totem
by becoming a skinwalker, or pledge myself to reviving one
of the Elder Gods, someone along the lines of Rhogog or
Nyarlathotep. Or vampirism. Vampirism's still on the
table.
If any of those sounds okay to you, shoot me a reply, and
let me know.
--Jason
Jason--
No.
--Libby
Jason--
No.
--Libby
Jason--
All of the above.
--Libby.