Focus on Careers: Kindergarten Edition, Book 1
You've probably seen the Focus on Careers books in your local library. They're the ones with titles that go "So You Want To Be A _________." I've decided to write intros for a new series that I came up with, namely:
FOCUS ON CAREERS SERIES:
KINDERGARTEN EDITION
Kindergarteners have a different view of careers, as you'll know as soon as you ask one, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" So, without further ado, the first book-intro in yet another ongoing series:
So You Want To Be A Robot
We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Amazing words, inspiring words, words you probably have never heard unless your parents have exposed you to their hoarded Beta cassettes of 6-Million-Dollar Man reruns. But they are words to live by ... after a fashion. Similarly, there is Robocop. Again, probably too old a reference for you, but at least it's out on DVD.
So if not these classic man-robot blends, what source can you turn to for proof that your dream can become a reality? A.I.? Bicentennial Man? Unlikely. Or did you just watch 'Robots' with Robin Williams and suddenly have a craving to eject the contents of your metallic bowels onto the sidewalk?
Whatever your inspiration, it is a noble goal. Robots can be productive members of society, moreso if you're willing to forego an emotion chip. So, contrary to what your parental units might tell you, becoming a robot when you grow up isn't a show of laziness. In fact, it's just the opposite: it's a show of willingness to either
1) have hundreds of excruciating operations, removing your body's natural systems tendon by severed tendon and organ by rupturing organ, and replacing them with titanium-alloy shafts and hydraulics,
2) have your skull sawed open and your bleeding brain speared with pins and inserted into a war machine,
or
3) have your personality digitized and then need to lead two lives simultaneously with two jobs, two families and two conflicting surface identities.
Any of these paths means strenuous physical exertion on your part, either upfront while being experimented on, or later, when your robot self realizes it could just as easily live your life itself and either tries to shunt its superspy responsibilities off to you by switching places with you while your puny flesh self sleeps or, more likely, tries to strangle you with your own intestines. Thus, becoming a robot is only for the stout of heart, the mindful of duty, and the supremely masochistic.
This book is divided into three sections: the first part, entitled "Currently Established Connections," will explore the many covert government agencies and back-alley science labs where you might go to become a robot through official channels.
The second part, called "The Entrepreneur Route," includes both a nuts-and-bolts inventory and a tab-A-slot-B instruction manual on some rudimentary ways to become a robot simply by self-experimentation. Remember that all recipes may be combined to give you your own unique blend of man and machine. Be creative and take chances.
Speaking of which, the third part of the book is mostly disclaimers. Since you're still only in Kindergarten, you'll probably want to skip it for now, but be sure to point it out to your parents once you've completed Parts One and Two.
And now, on to the body of 'So You Want To Be A Robot.'
More to follow soon.
.
FOCUS ON CAREERS SERIES:
KINDERGARTEN EDITION
Kindergarteners have a different view of careers, as you'll know as soon as you ask one, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" So, without further ado, the first book-intro in yet another ongoing series:
So You Want To Be A Robot
We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Amazing words, inspiring words, words you probably have never heard unless your parents have exposed you to their hoarded Beta cassettes of 6-Million-Dollar Man reruns. But they are words to live by ... after a fashion. Similarly, there is Robocop. Again, probably too old a reference for you, but at least it's out on DVD.
So if not these classic man-robot blends, what source can you turn to for proof that your dream can become a reality? A.I.? Bicentennial Man? Unlikely. Or did you just watch 'Robots' with Robin Williams and suddenly have a craving to eject the contents of your metallic bowels onto the sidewalk?
Whatever your inspiration, it is a noble goal. Robots can be productive members of society, moreso if you're willing to forego an emotion chip. So, contrary to what your parental units might tell you, becoming a robot when you grow up isn't a show of laziness. In fact, it's just the opposite: it's a show of willingness to either
1) have hundreds of excruciating operations, removing your body's natural systems tendon by severed tendon and organ by rupturing organ, and replacing them with titanium-alloy shafts and hydraulics,
2) have your skull sawed open and your bleeding brain speared with pins and inserted into a war machine,
or
3) have your personality digitized and then need to lead two lives simultaneously with two jobs, two families and two conflicting surface identities.
Any of these paths means strenuous physical exertion on your part, either upfront while being experimented on, or later, when your robot self realizes it could just as easily live your life itself and either tries to shunt its superspy responsibilities off to you by switching places with you while your puny flesh self sleeps or, more likely, tries to strangle you with your own intestines. Thus, becoming a robot is only for the stout of heart, the mindful of duty, and the supremely masochistic.
This book is divided into three sections: the first part, entitled "Currently Established Connections," will explore the many covert government agencies and back-alley science labs where you might go to become a robot through official channels.
The second part, called "The Entrepreneur Route," includes both a nuts-and-bolts inventory and a tab-A-slot-B instruction manual on some rudimentary ways to become a robot simply by self-experimentation. Remember that all recipes may be combined to give you your own unique blend of man and machine. Be creative and take chances.
Speaking of which, the third part of the book is mostly disclaimers. Since you're still only in Kindergarten, you'll probably want to skip it for now, but be sure to point it out to your parents once you've completed Parts One and Two.
And now, on to the body of 'So You Want To Be A Robot.'
More to follow soon.
.