How to Care For Your Uke
Title: How to Care For Your Uke
Author: Me ^^
Rating:
Warnings: Swearing, Sexual References, Crack, Pure Crack
Summary: Renji's Guid to Caring for Delicate Ukes
Author's Note: I dont know what happened... I mean, I tried to write smut... And.... I'm sorry... But, If I'm on good terms with my bitchy muse, then maybe this might turn into a series....
Disclaimer: I dont own Bleach.... *Sobs in the corner*
Treat them the way you want them to want to be treated.
"Renji!"
"Ah, yeah, Ichigo?"
"I can't seem to open this stupid container of strawberries."
Remember: Ukes are shy and when they want it, they will oftenly try to set you up.
"Of course, Ichi-kun."
"Don't call me that!"
"There you go! Say 'Ahhh'."
"What?! No way, you asshole!"
Ukes are also extreme sadist, they get turned on when you respond positively to a negative comment.
"Ichigo, your're breaking my heart, so please say 'Ahhhh'..."
"No, I'm not gonna say... Hey...What are you..? St-Stop! R-Renji, this isn't funny! Get off me!"
"I said, say 'Ahhhh'..."
"......"
"Ichigo..."
"....Ahhh...."
"Mmmmm... There you go..."
The most important thing about ukes that you always have to remember is that their minds are always, without fail, focused on sex. Their speech is littered with sexy inuendos.
"Ahhh... R-Renji, I can't fit all of it into my mouth... It's just... It's really big."
"Oh, I bet it is."
"What...?"
And as if their innuendo filled speech isn't enough, their actions are twice as bad!
"Ichi-Kun, you have a little strawberry juice running down your chin."
"Huh? Oh, thanks."
"........."
"What?"
"What were you thinking of as you wiped the juice off your chin..?"
"Ummm.... I was hoping that it doesnt make my sleeve sticky..."
"Yeah, right. What was with the look of lust in your eyes?"
"...Look of what?"
"Don't play coy, Ichigo-Kun. I seen the way your mouth twitched when you brushed the drop away."
"......"
The most important thing to remember about ukes is that, they are completly unaware of all these actions and feeling of theirs, so when you reveal to them, too much... Well....
"Wow, Renji, what the hell happened to you?"
"Ichigo.. He wanted me... But he wouldn't admit it..."
"Ichigo... Did this to you?"
"Yes. You dont believe me, Rukia?"
"No, I believe you, but you could you tell me, again, why?"
"'Cause he wanted me... Hey, Hey, Rukia! Why are you laughing?! Stop it! It's true! There were innuendos, and lust... and... and... And there was juice! Hey! Stop laughing! Hey!"
Uke-Loving Rule #1 (Correction): Never treat your uke the way you want them to want to be treated!
~Owari~
I'm sorry about the random suckiness... I just needed to write something.... Crappy or not..... Review please? Yes? No?
Author: Me ^^
Rating:
Warnings: Swearing, Sexual References, Crack, Pure Crack
Summary: Renji's Guid to Caring for Delicate Ukes
Author's Note: I dont know what happened... I mean, I tried to write smut... And.... I'm sorry... But, If I'm on good terms with my bitchy muse, then maybe this might turn into a series....
Disclaimer: I dont own Bleach.... *Sobs in the corner*
Treat them the way you want them to want to be treated.
"Renji!"
"Ah, yeah, Ichigo?"
"I can't seem to open this stupid container of strawberries."
Remember: Ukes are shy and when they want it, they will oftenly try to set you up.
"Of course, Ichi-kun."
"Don't call me that!"
"There you go! Say 'Ahhh'."
"What?! No way, you asshole!"
Ukes are also extreme sadist, they get turned on when you respond positively to a negative comment.
"Ichigo, your're breaking my heart, so please say 'Ahhhh'..."
"No, I'm not gonna say... Hey...What are you..? St-Stop! R-Renji, this isn't funny! Get off me!"
"I said, say 'Ahhhh'..."
"......"
"Ichigo..."
"....Ahhh...."
"Mmmmm... There you go..."
The most important thing about ukes that you always have to remember is that their minds are always, without fail, focused on sex. Their speech is littered with sexy inuendos.
"Ahhh... R-Renji, I can't fit all of it into my mouth... It's just... It's really big."
"Oh, I bet it is."
"What...?"
And as if their innuendo filled speech isn't enough, their actions are twice as bad!
"Ichi-Kun, you have a little strawberry juice running down your chin."
"Huh? Oh, thanks."
"........."
"What?"
"What were you thinking of as you wiped the juice off your chin..?"
"Ummm.... I was hoping that it doesnt make my sleeve sticky..."
"Yeah, right. What was with the look of lust in your eyes?"
"...Look of what?"
"Don't play coy, Ichigo-Kun. I seen the way your mouth twitched when you brushed the drop away."
"......"
The most important thing to remember about ukes is that, they are completly unaware of all these actions and feeling of theirs, so when you reveal to them, too much... Well....
"Wow, Renji, what the hell happened to you?"
"Ichigo.. He wanted me... But he wouldn't admit it..."
"Ichigo... Did this to you?"
"Yes. You dont believe me, Rukia?"
"No, I believe you, but you could you tell me, again, why?"
"'Cause he wanted me... Hey, Hey, Rukia! Why are you laughing?! Stop it! It's true! There were innuendos, and lust... and... and... And there was juice! Hey! Stop laughing! Hey!"
Uke-Loving Rule #1 (Correction): Never treat your uke the way you want them to want to be treated!
~Owari~
I'm sorry about the random suckiness... I just needed to write something.... Crappy or not..... Review please? Yes? No?