(no subject)
I'm finally getting through the depression. It was a horrible thing to go through, and most people don't understand what depression is and what it does to you. I am not even sure I understand. What I do know is this: Depression makes you feel like you are at the bottom of a dark pit, and you just can't seem to get out. You don't even really want to. The thought of trying to climb out is too hard to even fathom. You don't want to be around people. You stop caring about things altogether. And you know that you are not yourself, so you build a wall and isolate yourself so that no one can see you at your worst.
But I am finally getting out of the dark pit. I am about 80% better. I ticked a lot of people off with my behavior, which I am dealing with now...but I also know that I couldn't help it. And I apologize for how I was. The weather seems to be helping me a lot. The sun has been out, and it seems like my outlook on things has been a lot more optimistic lately.
I am still struggling with my weight. I am at the highest weight I've ever been. I decided to take the summer off from my masters classes to get my mental and physical health straight. I will be going to the gym over the summer and working off hte weight I have gained from this terrible bout with depression. I thought about starting this week and goign in the morning, but I don't think I can get up at 4:30. I am sooo not a morning person.
I am having a lot of difficulty with getting motivated to do anything school related. I got housework done today, and I relaxed. But I didn't even touch my stuff from work. And that's NOT okay. I have to do lesson plans and grade papers. It was just too nice outside to want to do anything. And now I am feeling guilty and like a failure for not getting my to do list done. I have noticed that with me, it's all or nothing...if I don't get EVERYTHING accomplished, I feel liek a complete failure. Nothing I do is ever good enough. No one makes me feel that way. I make myself feel that way...is this normal?
But I am finally getting out of the dark pit. I am about 80% better. I ticked a lot of people off with my behavior, which I am dealing with now...but I also know that I couldn't help it. And I apologize for how I was. The weather seems to be helping me a lot. The sun has been out, and it seems like my outlook on things has been a lot more optimistic lately.
I am still struggling with my weight. I am at the highest weight I've ever been. I decided to take the summer off from my masters classes to get my mental and physical health straight. I will be going to the gym over the summer and working off hte weight I have gained from this terrible bout with depression. I thought about starting this week and goign in the morning, but I don't think I can get up at 4:30. I am sooo not a morning person.
I am having a lot of difficulty with getting motivated to do anything school related. I got housework done today, and I relaxed. But I didn't even touch my stuff from work. And that's NOT okay. I have to do lesson plans and grade papers. It was just too nice outside to want to do anything. And now I am feeling guilty and like a failure for not getting my to do list done. I have noticed that with me, it's all or nothing...if I don't get EVERYTHING accomplished, I feel liek a complete failure. Nothing I do is ever good enough. No one makes me feel that way. I make myself feel that way...is this normal?