(no subject)
ska. it's very soothing and all blends. i wanna go to ska is dead 3 really bad. don't know about a ride though. fuck.
so i'm pretty much an absolute mess.. story of my life. to get drunk off my ass or not. i'm leaning towards it. if i can't fall asleep. hopefully i can i only drink alone when i'm absolutely miserable. guess that fits. people surprise me. i surprise myself. i don't know what's the matter with me.
that whole.. thing. you asked if i knew that.. i think about it every day and it KILLS me. I can't change it though. I need to be sent back to my maker cause I'm seriously faulty. I'm unable to keep my mind on one thing (assuming i can ever decide on that one thing) for more than a minute. I'm not pulling stupid lies and shit to make this better or to make it seem less important or heartbreaking. I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna do it. My number one client is myself and this is all for me. I'm sorry if it doesn't fit into your schedule but I know I'll end up hurting you and then I'll hurt myself. In one way or another I know I will. If its tears, intoxicating things, more scars, or even just fucking emotions.. I can't add anymore of that to me. I'm feeling more bad than good and it's cause that's what I want to feel. In risk of sounding cliche I'll never be good enough for you and you'll never be good enough for me.
I don't know what I'm getting at and I don't know what I'm feeling, and i SURE AS HELL don't know what i want. I can, however, tell you what I don't want. I do not want commitment. I do not want someone with me right now to comfort me and lay with me and be all romantic and disgusting. I want someone to tell me this is fucking life and I need to stop being so over dramatic. I don't want to tell you what I feel all the time or even any times at all. I want you to fucking know. I want my sarcasm and lies to be seen right through and I want you to tell me to shut the fuck up with that shit cause I need too. I don't want you to kiss, hug, or love. I want you to give me the cold hard truth and maybe an occasional fuck. I don't want fake "everything's perfect" shit. I'm so over that. The worlds a fucking horrible place don't lie to me about it. I don't want you to use me or me to use you even though that's all we'll do. I want feelings behind the using. I want you to use me and care for me. I don't want love or anything of the sort. Guess I do know what I want.
I want to be a lesbian.
Please disregard the majority of this post.
so i'm pretty much an absolute mess.. story of my life. to get drunk off my ass or not. i'm leaning towards it. if i can't fall asleep. hopefully i can i only drink alone when i'm absolutely miserable. guess that fits. people surprise me. i surprise myself. i don't know what's the matter with me.
that whole.. thing. you asked if i knew that.. i think about it every day and it KILLS me. I can't change it though. I need to be sent back to my maker cause I'm seriously faulty. I'm unable to keep my mind on one thing (assuming i can ever decide on that one thing) for more than a minute. I'm not pulling stupid lies and shit to make this better or to make it seem less important or heartbreaking. I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna do it. My number one client is myself and this is all for me. I'm sorry if it doesn't fit into your schedule but I know I'll end up hurting you and then I'll hurt myself. In one way or another I know I will. If its tears, intoxicating things, more scars, or even just fucking emotions.. I can't add anymore of that to me. I'm feeling more bad than good and it's cause that's what I want to feel. In risk of sounding cliche I'll never be good enough for you and you'll never be good enough for me.
I don't know what I'm getting at and I don't know what I'm feeling, and i SURE AS HELL don't know what i want. I can, however, tell you what I don't want. I do not want commitment. I do not want someone with me right now to comfort me and lay with me and be all romantic and disgusting. I want someone to tell me this is fucking life and I need to stop being so over dramatic. I don't want to tell you what I feel all the time or even any times at all. I want you to fucking know. I want my sarcasm and lies to be seen right through and I want you to tell me to shut the fuck up with that shit cause I need too. I don't want you to kiss, hug, or love. I want you to give me the cold hard truth and maybe an occasional fuck. I don't want fake "everything's perfect" shit. I'm so over that. The worlds a fucking horrible place don't lie to me about it. I don't want you to use me or me to use you even though that's all we'll do. I want feelings behind the using. I want you to use me and care for me. I don't want love or anything of the sort. Guess I do know what I want.
I want to be a lesbian.
Please disregard the majority of this post.