Waiting on the Kingdom

[kissthisfem]

Twenty-four years ago today
the girl I was changed forever
in an instant

Twenty-four years ago today I buried my son
just born
not born
still born

Twenty-four years ago today
I had to face decisions alone
to sign for an autopsy
to make sure he was back to be circumcised and buried
before sundown on Friday

He was pronounced perfect
beautiful, even
and named Asher Ben after my dead Uncle

Tonight, twenty-four years later
The Rabbi will assign one of the minyan
to say kaddish for my son
for me

No more will I have to recite the praises of Hashem
alone
every year
in honor of yahrzeit
by myself

Twenty-four years later
I have been sent help through Sean
Hashem brought me to the place I am now

I will no longer sit on the low mourner's stool alone
Instead, tomorrow I will get up
walk slowly around the block
and enter my home again

Twenty-four years of mourning
alone
is twenty-four years too many
It was my job to go on living
Selah

I love you my Asher

Mama