(no subject)
stress...
the bills just keep piling up.
and i can't help but blame myself for being out of work for a month.
i knew that cesar's job wasn't going to be as dependable as he said it was...
i knew that quitting my job and spending my savings was a huge mistake when i did it..
now look, i've got over 1000 dollars worth of bills due today and tomorrow and what money to pay it with? this is depressing.
i've got to go see if i can borrow money from someone today to help me pay for my tuition. :( i'm ashamed of myself for that. and, the rest? i don't know, cross my fingers and hope the don't cut off the electricity... hope that my pay check is more than 200 dollars, maybe i can pay halves of bills.
at the same time it makes me a little upset with cesar. why doesn't he demand to be paid what he was promised? why does he continually let his job/employeer exploit him? stand up for yourself. when you notice that you have a check that doesn't include commissions.. go and demand them. not just ask about them once, or even twice. go in, ride their proverbial asses until they give you the money they owe you. no one is going to pay you what they owe you until you ask for it...
i guess it's easier said then done. or easier for me to say that because i'm on the outside. i don't know what his situation is, i just wish he'd stand up for himself.
i feel like a fool, for believing going along with him when he said that he'd be making enough money that i could go to school and not worry about bills. i knew better all along.
i feel irresponsible for wasting my savings away between my trip to new york and then paying things here with cesar promising to replenish my savings later.
i feel ashamed of myself for not being able to comply with financial responsibilities.
over all i'm angry with myself for going against my better judgment. deep down i knew this was going to happen all along.
okay, enough..
off to take a shower and ask for favors..
i'm so disappointed with myself.
the bills just keep piling up.
and i can't help but blame myself for being out of work for a month.
i knew that cesar's job wasn't going to be as dependable as he said it was...
i knew that quitting my job and spending my savings was a huge mistake when i did it..
now look, i've got over 1000 dollars worth of bills due today and tomorrow and what money to pay it with? this is depressing.
i've got to go see if i can borrow money from someone today to help me pay for my tuition. :( i'm ashamed of myself for that. and, the rest? i don't know, cross my fingers and hope the don't cut off the electricity... hope that my pay check is more than 200 dollars, maybe i can pay halves of bills.
at the same time it makes me a little upset with cesar. why doesn't he demand to be paid what he was promised? why does he continually let his job/employeer exploit him? stand up for yourself. when you notice that you have a check that doesn't include commissions.. go and demand them. not just ask about them once, or even twice. go in, ride their proverbial asses until they give you the money they owe you. no one is going to pay you what they owe you until you ask for it...
i guess it's easier said then done. or easier for me to say that because i'm on the outside. i don't know what his situation is, i just wish he'd stand up for himself.
i feel like a fool, for believing going along with him when he said that he'd be making enough money that i could go to school and not worry about bills. i knew better all along.
i feel irresponsible for wasting my savings away between my trip to new york and then paying things here with cesar promising to replenish my savings later.
i feel ashamed of myself for not being able to comply with financial responsibilities.
over all i'm angry with myself for going against my better judgment. deep down i knew this was going to happen all along.
okay, enough..
off to take a shower and ask for favors..
i'm so disappointed with myself.