twenty pounds off my shoulders
so yesterday i went to work, but my kid never showed up and since tomorrow most of the schools in the area have a field day, or a field trip, most of the students didn't have any assignments. plus monday is a holiday, so it was super slow, and they let me go home early. last week i had promised to conchi that sometime on thursday i was going to come over and help her set up for the party on saturday. she's always organizing these huge parties in her house and drafting me in to her party army. sometimes to the point that i'm like pulling my hair out going crazy, but that's my mother in law, i love her for being that way. we went to a boutique in a mall near her house so she could try on a dress this guy was making her and asked me to come with her to help her decide if it looked good, and also what shoes to wear.. etc.. she always asks my advice on what to wear to big events. its fun to have someone to do girly things with sometimes. after she tried on the dress we ran around buying odds and ends that she needs for the party. and finally after running around for like 3 and a half hours we went home.
on our way home we started talking about psychologists, and she asked me how it was going for me with mine. i honestly, love it. i need that outlet sometimes, and it's helped me a lot. she's really helping me with my anxiety (i left out a lot of details). then she asked about cesar, and if he had decided to go. i told her yes, and that i think it's going to help him a lot. that i think he's depressed and i think he needs to address that problem. then she told me that depression runs in their family. that just the other day, one of his older sisters (her stepdaughter) was tell her that she's been depressed lately. and she continued talking about how it's important to see a doctor, not necessarily to get a perscription, but to at least talk it out of you.. when, well i decided that i was going to be straight up with her.. i told her what was going on between cesar and me. i told her that i've had enough of him smoking weed. i told her that he had an appointment on the 29th with some one who specializes in substance abuse. i said a lot of things, that well, i know should be personal, and should probably stay between me and cesar, but this one.. i don't know. i felt the need to talk to her about it. one because she and i are great friends, two because it would help to have some support in this subject. three because fighting addiction and substance abuse is hard (for everyone envolved), and friends and family are what get you through it. also when i move out, if indeed i do, i wanted her to know the whole story. not just "jennifer hates me and left me. she called me irresponsible and left me" i swore her to secrecy. she and i can talk like that sometimes, and it's good to know i can. she gve me a hug and told me that i have her complete support, and thank you for doing this for her son. and that if it came down to it, and i had to go, i could come and stay with her. (aww...)
so that was about twenty pounds off my shoulders.
also, i wrote just now that "if indeed i do" leave.. and okay this is the latest in that department..
i've told him that my plans right now are to save up enough money so that i can leave.
HOWEVER, in the time it takes me to get my money saved up, and things arranged for me to be able to leave, IF i see SIGNIFICANT change, and a SIGNIFICANT difference, and a real reason to stay, then i will.
the future of this marriage is in his hands. it's his decision.
and i think that's fair. honestly i can't up and leave right now, if i could i would. but i can't. so he's got some time to get it together.
on our way home we started talking about psychologists, and she asked me how it was going for me with mine. i honestly, love it. i need that outlet sometimes, and it's helped me a lot. she's really helping me with my anxiety (i left out a lot of details). then she asked about cesar, and if he had decided to go. i told her yes, and that i think it's going to help him a lot. that i think he's depressed and i think he needs to address that problem. then she told me that depression runs in their family. that just the other day, one of his older sisters (her stepdaughter) was tell her that she's been depressed lately. and she continued talking about how it's important to see a doctor, not necessarily to get a perscription, but to at least talk it out of you.. when, well i decided that i was going to be straight up with her.. i told her what was going on between cesar and me. i told her that i've had enough of him smoking weed. i told her that he had an appointment on the 29th with some one who specializes in substance abuse. i said a lot of things, that well, i know should be personal, and should probably stay between me and cesar, but this one.. i don't know. i felt the need to talk to her about it. one because she and i are great friends, two because it would help to have some support in this subject. three because fighting addiction and substance abuse is hard (for everyone envolved), and friends and family are what get you through it. also when i move out, if indeed i do, i wanted her to know the whole story. not just "jennifer hates me and left me. she called me irresponsible and left me" i swore her to secrecy. she and i can talk like that sometimes, and it's good to know i can. she gve me a hug and told me that i have her complete support, and thank you for doing this for her son. and that if it came down to it, and i had to go, i could come and stay with her. (aww...)
so that was about twenty pounds off my shoulders.
also, i wrote just now that "if indeed i do" leave.. and okay this is the latest in that department..
i've told him that my plans right now are to save up enough money so that i can leave.
HOWEVER, in the time it takes me to get my money saved up, and things arranged for me to be able to leave, IF i see SIGNIFICANT change, and a SIGNIFICANT difference, and a real reason to stay, then i will.
the future of this marriage is in his hands. it's his decision.
and i think that's fair. honestly i can't up and leave right now, if i could i would. but i can't. so he's got some time to get it together.