heads we will tails we'll try again

[kisstheslut]

so today was a very very shitty day. nothing went right. some bad things were worse than others, but everything sucked. everything seems to hurt. i cant breathe. im exhausted but i cant sleep.  ill probably drug myself here in a bit to fix that.  one of the benefits to everything going wrong is that i cant eat.  it makes a diet so much easier when the thought of food makes you sick.  i almost cried a few different times at work. that would have been really embarrassing.... ive made some goal weights for myself.  im sure i wont get to my long term, much less my final goal. but im going to make sure i reach my short term goal.  maybe now it will be easier to reach my final goal though. now that i have no reason to care for my body.  if you think you know why im this upset, youre wrong. theres so much going wrong right now.  i really wish i had somebody. some form of a shoulder to cry on. unfortunately, i drive everyone i care about away. im too big of a fuck up to keep people in my life.  i wish.... i dont even know what i wish for... but.. i dont know. i need something. i wish i knew what that was....

i do know that i need an escape. dont have many options there... for now i shall slef medicate myself so that i pass out.  having a foggy mind may clear my thoughts.ill be back here to update as soon as i come back into consciousness....-sighs-