Ruth Soufer Weisman 1928-2008
Today was a day of mixed feelings.
It started out good, I felt better, was in a good mood. Felt relieved and free, didn't have the burden of exams on my shoulders. I found out that I got a 90 on my Substance Abuse exam. Actually went out of the house and took a walk, wasn't too weak, had an appetite. I got myself some take out, came home and sat down to eat it when the phone rang. When my aunt's husband spoke on the other end of the phone I knew what he was going to say.
"I have some good news and some bad news, it depends how you take it, Ruth is no longer suffering. Do you understand?"
My aunt was diagnosed a month shy of a year ago with Pancreatic Cancer. The doctors didn't want to operate because of her advanced age (80), and she refused chemotherapy. She survived much longer than the doctors perdicted. They thought she would have 3 months, she had 11.
Relatively speaking she was doing fairly well up till recently (just last weak she had gone out, taken a walk, cooked and puttered around). Oh yes, there were a lot of medical difficulties. The main one being that the tumor was causing a blockage which had to be funneled out, they had been using a small tube which was surgically inserted to channel it in the right direction, however as the tumor grew it became more difficult to change (which it had to be each two or three months). It caused her a lot of discomfort. Atop that, in one of her numerous stays in the hospital (which were plenty) she had contracted a bad eye infection.
The doctors preformed laser surgery to get rid of the infection that wasn't responding quite the way they had hoped to the IV antibiotics. And in true malpractice form, they had somehow managed to blind her in that eye. This was a huge loss to her, that was pointless and unrelated to her illness and should never have taken place. I do not know what they did, but the last time I saw her, which was about a month ago, that whole side of the face seemed to be crumpled as though they hit a nerve.
She was suffering the past few months from depression, part female vanity of her looks (she had lost a lot of weight), part lack of appetite and general malaise, and part because it was obvious that the end was approaching faster than anyone wanted it to.
Finally three days ago, she collapsed and then began vomiting blood. By the time the ambulance arrived she was unconscious and basically remained that way during the next three days stay in hospital, she woke up at one point but was not coherent, finally today her body gave out.
She was such a brilliant, wonderful, intelligent woman. Rather than dwell on her illness, I like to think of who she was. She was an accomplished Cellist, who played in numerous symphony orchestras and was a music teacher at Music & Art, today it has been merged with the school of performing arts. She was greatly talented, she had an amazing musical sense, could sing and play, she could draw and had a wonderful brain. The woman was a pure delight to know, bright and intelligent and always sharp as a tack.
I am glad that she had all of those things to her till the very end. She and Eli had been married for 56 years and had a wonderful marriage. They never quarreled or argued, they were one of those unique couples who only come around once in a blue moon. True soulmates. Not the fantasy type we read in books with sparks and auras flying, but the type whose kindred spirits really do connect and complete the other. They were happy together and adored each other.
My mother spoke to Eli today and he told her how grateful he was for her. And how could he not be? She really was a good human being. Once again, a type who doesn't come around often. Selfless, caring, loving, sometimes opinionated but always bright. She had a good heart.
I have known Ruth for all of my 24 years, and I never really imagined how life would be without her. Selfishly, I think about how miserable it is that all my loved ones and family members are dying around me, but I cling to the fact that they are above me, still with me, watching over me.
I console myself knowing that she is no longer in pain, that she is with her brother, parents, and my grandparents in heaven. She knew she was loved in life, and she lived a wonderful rich life.
She was born in the US, traveled the world, settled in Israel and had friends everywhere she went.
I refuse to remember her as she was the past few months, weak and getting weaker. Rather I prefer to remember her as the woman who could not pass for 80 if she wanted to, who power walked, and puttered around constantly. Who flew each fall to see the foliage in Vermont, and who had just less than two years ago went on another honeymoon cruise with her husband. The same woman who for me was a surrogate grandparent after my own died and whom I could always count on.
She will be deeply missed.