(no subject)

[kissorkillme]

it's a twisted web that we all weave. tonight is not a night that i will use caps at all. i just don't give a shit about myself anymore. its like when things go bad for others, they go bad for me. and then when things shape up for others, i'm still stuck in shit. there is something i wanted to much, and i suppose i could have had it, that would have been nice. every situation that i am faced with blows up in my face, and i seriously have got to be the shittiest friend in the universe. when is the last time someone has called me to do something? like forever ago, everyone is always busy. i spend half the time i write my entries crying, and it's summer for god sakes. i'm not supposed to cry. i'm supposed to work, and then party, and get drunk and make out and be a big slut. here's what sounds mighty fucking nice right now. a hot bath. with soap bubbles. and a boy. sitting next to my tub. being the best friend and boyfriend that a boy could ever be, someone who will actually care about me. someone who doesn't make me nervous where i don't answer my phone. i need somthing not monotonous in my life, something new to dazzle me and make me stray of my normal pattern of being so... i hate to say it, you may write me off as a psycho, but depressed.

is there anything:
worth looking for?
worth loving for?
worth lying for?
worth waiting for?
worth living for?
worth dying for?