(no subject)
There was a place that I would go to get my head back on striaght...
but it's gone, completely gone, It's BEEN gone...
All I've done since last spring was push the people away that I love and need the most. I've felt that I've needed to. I felt that it would make life so much easier.
I was so wrong. I'm competely lost with out them. My father, brother, sisters, step-mother ( who was more of a mother ot me then anyone else in my life), My step mother's who family ( who would send me packages out of the blue casue they loved me. I've push friends away.
I pushed Everyone away. Little do i know I continue to push people away. I'm slowly making myself a desolate person. I odn't even let my feelings out anymore. I have no one to really turn to. I have my boyfriend.... But I think he's sick of listening ot me. I had so much. SO MANY. Now they really don't care about me. Cause they think they that I wont be there for them. And I don't blame them.
I haven't been that great of a person at all. i buy things to make up for lost time to make up for lost time with the person that I lvoe the most and looks up to me like I'm a goddess, My broter. I'm missing the best days of my little sisters lives. I pushed my best friends away. MY BEST FRIENDS. Who used to know who i am and what was wrong with me the time soemthing happened. And right now. As I'm being counciled by my Boyfriend, My soulmate, I'm pushing him away.
Why wont I let someone just help me. Why can't I jsut accpet things and try to fix them. Everytime I would try this past few months everything just falls apart. I tryed to talk to my friends but I feel like there's nothing to make up for lost time. I try to make things up with my father, but as it gets along he just continues makeing me feel like shit cause I missed so much in my siblings lives.
I seriously have no clue on what to do, where to go, who to talk to...
Sometimes i wish I could fall off the side of the planet. Who would notice? I wouldn't expect anyone to. Some might even rejoice in it.
All I wanted to do tongiht was get fucking hammered. And try not to pay attention to shitty details. Well fuck it. It's way too late. I need some kind of maricle to pull trough this stuff.
God grant me the power....
but it's gone, completely gone, It's BEEN gone...
All I've done since last spring was push the people away that I love and need the most. I've felt that I've needed to. I felt that it would make life so much easier.
I was so wrong. I'm competely lost with out them. My father, brother, sisters, step-mother ( who was more of a mother ot me then anyone else in my life), My step mother's who family ( who would send me packages out of the blue casue they loved me. I've push friends away.
I pushed Everyone away. Little do i know I continue to push people away. I'm slowly making myself a desolate person. I odn't even let my feelings out anymore. I have no one to really turn to. I have my boyfriend.... But I think he's sick of listening ot me. I had so much. SO MANY. Now they really don't care about me. Cause they think they that I wont be there for them. And I don't blame them.
I haven't been that great of a person at all. i buy things to make up for lost time to make up for lost time with the person that I lvoe the most and looks up to me like I'm a goddess, My broter. I'm missing the best days of my little sisters lives. I pushed my best friends away. MY BEST FRIENDS. Who used to know who i am and what was wrong with me the time soemthing happened. And right now. As I'm being counciled by my Boyfriend, My soulmate, I'm pushing him away.
Why wont I let someone just help me. Why can't I jsut accpet things and try to fix them. Everytime I would try this past few months everything just falls apart. I tryed to talk to my friends but I feel like there's nothing to make up for lost time. I try to make things up with my father, but as it gets along he just continues makeing me feel like shit cause I missed so much in my siblings lives.
I seriously have no clue on what to do, where to go, who to talk to...
Sometimes i wish I could fall off the side of the planet. Who would notice? I wouldn't expect anyone to. Some might even rejoice in it.
All I wanted to do tongiht was get fucking hammered. And try not to pay attention to shitty details. Well fuck it. It's way too late. I need some kind of maricle to pull trough this stuff.
God grant me the power....