(no subject)
So I suppose I have a lot to update on. Primarily medical updates.
I'm sure you're all beyond sick of hearing about my leg. Trust me, I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm having a nearly impossible time holding my desk job because the drive to and from work kills my leg. Oh, and sitting in a chair hurts. And laying down hurts. And sleeping hurts. And standing hurts. And walking hurts the worst. So I basically have no relief from the pain. I started seeing a neurologist - who, by the way, is the coolest, black, female neurosurgeon to ever live - and though I think she's an awesome person and a great doctor, I don't think the problem is neurological. I've been on neuropathic pain medicine for a few weeks, and it hasn't helped at all. I also had an EMG this morning, and after being shocked and poked with electric needles for half an hour, the doctor blatantly told me that there's no neuromuscular reason for my pain. I drove 8 hours round-trip to Cleveland Clinic two weeks ago only to hear, "Whelp, all I can tell you is that you don't need a knee replacement." Well, fuck, if that's what it takes to work in one of the best diagnostic hospitals in the country - reading a single x-ray - then give me my M.D.! That was a disappointing waste of time. Oh yeah, and then my leg hurt so bad after his exam that I collapsed in the lobby on the way out. My actual surgeon has no fucking clue what's wrong anymore and is just taking a stab in the dark by suggesting he break, rotate, and plate my femur. According to two (supposedly) good orthopedic surgeons, there's no orthopedic reason for my pain. And apparently, it's not neurological, either. Well if it isn't the ligaments, muscles, bones, OR nerves, then what the fuck is it?! Seriously CANNOT handle this anymore. I want my goddamn life back.
On a happier note, I'm doing something for myself next week. Some of you may not be happy or supportive about it, and I don't care. I've been made fun of for most of my adolescent and adult life about having no boobs. What you don't know is that I literally don't have boobs - I have tuberous breast deformity, meaning I entirely lack breast tissue, making them concave. There's no fix or cure or treatment or anything, and no amount of weight gain has or will affect my chest size because I simply do not have the tissue. I've been wearing hyper-padded bras AND special inserts for as long as you've known me. I already lose a lot of femininity to my limp, scars, cane, etc., and I'm finally financially stable enough to afford it: I'm having breast augmentation. No, I'm not getting Pam Anderson boobs. I'm just ready to do something for myself and actually be able to wear a standard bra or a fitted shirt. My surgery is on Wednesday. My parents have been beyond supportive, and I even got up the balls to tell my boss/boyfriend's mother who's a conservative CPA. I feel I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I'm super duper excited for it. Maybe it'll make me feel better since I've been so upset about my leg lately.
P.S. - I miss my boyfriend. A lot. But I'm going to visit him in California on July 1st, and the day can't come fast enough.
I'm sure you're all beyond sick of hearing about my leg. Trust me, I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm having a nearly impossible time holding my desk job because the drive to and from work kills my leg. Oh, and sitting in a chair hurts. And laying down hurts. And sleeping hurts. And standing hurts. And walking hurts the worst. So I basically have no relief from the pain. I started seeing a neurologist - who, by the way, is the coolest, black, female neurosurgeon to ever live - and though I think she's an awesome person and a great doctor, I don't think the problem is neurological. I've been on neuropathic pain medicine for a few weeks, and it hasn't helped at all. I also had an EMG this morning, and after being shocked and poked with electric needles for half an hour, the doctor blatantly told me that there's no neuromuscular reason for my pain. I drove 8 hours round-trip to Cleveland Clinic two weeks ago only to hear, "Whelp, all I can tell you is that you don't need a knee replacement." Well, fuck, if that's what it takes to work in one of the best diagnostic hospitals in the country - reading a single x-ray - then give me my M.D.! That was a disappointing waste of time. Oh yeah, and then my leg hurt so bad after his exam that I collapsed in the lobby on the way out. My actual surgeon has no fucking clue what's wrong anymore and is just taking a stab in the dark by suggesting he break, rotate, and plate my femur. According to two (supposedly) good orthopedic surgeons, there's no orthopedic reason for my pain. And apparently, it's not neurological, either. Well if it isn't the ligaments, muscles, bones, OR nerves, then what the fuck is it?! Seriously CANNOT handle this anymore. I want my goddamn life back.
On a happier note, I'm doing something for myself next week. Some of you may not be happy or supportive about it, and I don't care. I've been made fun of for most of my adolescent and adult life about having no boobs. What you don't know is that I literally don't have boobs - I have tuberous breast deformity, meaning I entirely lack breast tissue, making them concave. There's no fix or cure or treatment or anything, and no amount of weight gain has or will affect my chest size because I simply do not have the tissue. I've been wearing hyper-padded bras AND special inserts for as long as you've known me. I already lose a lot of femininity to my limp, scars, cane, etc., and I'm finally financially stable enough to afford it: I'm having breast augmentation. No, I'm not getting Pam Anderson boobs. I'm just ready to do something for myself and actually be able to wear a standard bra or a fitted shirt. My surgery is on Wednesday. My parents have been beyond supportive, and I even got up the balls to tell my boss/boyfriend's mother who's a conservative CPA. I feel I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I'm super duper excited for it. Maybe it'll make me feel better since I've been so upset about my leg lately.
P.S. - I miss my boyfriend. A lot. But I'm going to visit him in California on July 1st, and the day can't come fast enough.