(no subject)
My birthday is Friday the 13th this year. I don't want to grow old, nineteen is such a weird number. I have no idea what I will do on my real birthday, but on Saturday I am going to NYC for the whole day and it will be grand.
I still feel like nothing. Just a polite, emotionless, body of an almost nineteen year-old girl that walks by everything she is missing. I don't feel ugly or pretty, funny or boring, stupid or smart... I just feel nothing.
Why do I feel so off? Is it from years of negativity in my household? Is it from all my health issues and sadness from years past? Is it from me not being close enough to my own God? Is it from people, especially boys, I want acceptance from but only get opposition? Is it from isolation or alienation? Is it my depression coming back?
Or is it just me.
I still feel like nothing. Just a polite, emotionless, body of an almost nineteen year-old girl that walks by everything she is missing. I don't feel ugly or pretty, funny or boring, stupid or smart... I just feel nothing.
Why do I feel so off? Is it from years of negativity in my household? Is it from all my health issues and sadness from years past? Is it from me not being close enough to my own God? Is it from people, especially boys, I want acceptance from but only get opposition? Is it from isolation or alienation? Is it my depression coming back?
Or is it just me.