(no subject)
I may be just as ordinary as everyone else. Never thought I was. I went through a thorough pretentious stage on purpose, It was unfortunate. Before that, my quirky but grounded stage. The next is a rebirth of my outlook on others, allowing a more in depth look into those who follow me through life. Perhaps a rebirth of spirituality. Always knew I'd be an Atheist. Never thought I'd become an asshole. Maybe a step back to Agnosticism. Perhaps not a change in philosophy at all. The jaded part needs to go. The bitterness. I'm tired of writing about myself. Need to look outwards. Find myself in others and hold on tight. I just lost consciousness. Not in the figurative way. I've become more afraid of death as each day comes on. Every time I'm confronted with a seemingly real and highly tense moment, I lose consciousness. Last time was while reading about seppuku, Japanese ritual suicide. This time was the video for the Smashing Pumpkins Try Try Try.The heroin addict in the video loses her unborn child. My sister lost her child, my thoughts drifted to her. I thought maybe it was my diet. Its my mind. I used to own samurai swords. Fucking Billy Corgan.