For kisoap
Title: I wonder if you know
For: kisoap
Pairing: Jaeseop/Kiseop(/Soohyun)
Word count: 3,550
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jaeseop moves to Seoul, with all the complications that entails. Street racing AU.
Jaeseop shivers as he knocks on Kiseop's door, hoping that he has the right address because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He's running on nearly three days of no sleep and little food, and he's so exhausted he thinks he could fall asleep right here. It doesn't help that he's soaked to the skin either, and he runs a hand through his wet hair as he waits. Outside, the thunderstorm rolls on.
Kiseop answers the door with a yawn and tousled hair obscuring half his face. "Since when did you knock? I swear, if you lost the keys again I'm never giving you another set."
"Uhm," Jaeseop answers, relief over finding the right address giving way to confusion.
The sound of his voice - probably not the one Kiseop clearly expected - makes Kiseop shake the hair out of his eyes. "You're not Soohyun," he says, rubbing his eyes and then staring at Jaeseop as if he's trying to figure out whether or not he's dreaming.
"Observant as always." Jaeseop can't help but grin. Partly from seeing a relatively friendly face, partly from the way Kiseop looks, and partly because he can finally stop running. Hopefully. "Listen, I know it's the middle of the night and I didn't ask if this was cool, but do you think I could--"
"Come in," Kiseop interrupts him, grabbing a hold of his wrist and pulling him inside. "I told you last time, didn't I? You're welcome here whenever. Do the dishes and I might let you stay forever. Or at least as long as you need to. Are you hiding from the cops or something? 'Cause I don't mind harboring a known criminal, but I'd like some warning if my place is gonna get searched."
It's all Jaeseop can do to keep from rolling his eyes. Searching Kiseop's apartment would no doubt yield some interesting finds, but it's too small and too messy to really be anything but the place belonging to a single guy with a more than passing interest in fashion and cars. "I'm not running from the police." Maybe he should be offended that Kiseop thinks he's even capable of breaking the law to that extent, but considering the circumstances and what they both do for a living, he figures he can't blame Kiseop for making assumptions.
"Running from a girl, then?" Kiseop throws him a lopsided grin and shuffles through the small apartment, half shoving Jaeseop into what might be the smallest bedroom he's ever seen in his life, made even smaller by the piles of clothing along one wall. "Or maybe it's a guy you're running from?"
"Something like that."
Kiseop scoffs, but doesn't push it. "I'm gonna assume the worst until you tell me otherwise. You're a long way from home, Jaeseop."
Jaeseop smiles thinly and puts his backpack down on the limited floor space, pulling off his wet jacket and shirt before sitting down, cross-legged on the floor. All he wants to do is sleep, sleep until his life has improved. Though he suspects it has already improved. "I don't have a home anymore." He hesitates, not sure how far he should go in leaving his previous life behind, but then he nods to himself. "Call me AJ from now on, okay? Just in case."
"Oh yeah, you're not in any kind of trouble," Kiseop remarks dryly, but he doesn't push it now either. Thank god for small mercies. "Get some sleep, you look like shit. If you're gonna stay here, the least you can do is look good."
He wants to laugh and joke, he really does, but instead Jaeseop just smiles gratefully up at Kiseop. Not everyone would be so kind to someone you had spent a couple of summers with, but there's always been something about Kiseop that makes him different. Straight-forward and honest and kind, despite the semi-illegal things he does on a daily basis. "Thank you," Jaeseop mutters, even if Kiseop's already nudged the door shut. It doesn't matter whether Kiseop hears it or not; Jaeseop knows he doesn't need thank yous.
"This is AJ. Friend of mine from down south. He's gonna be staying a while. Don't be assholes to him." It's all the introduction Kiseop does, and Jaeseop smiles and gives the guys in the garage a smile and a vague half-bow. He doesn't have time for anything else before Kiseop drags him along again, and Jaeseop very nearly yelps in surprise even though he should be getting used to this by now. As if he wouldn't follow Kiseop on his own, without being dragged.
Kiseop leads him over to the corner, where someone is working on a car engine. "Hyung," Kiseop says, a slight breathless note to his voice that tells Jaeseop exactly who this is, even before the man straightens up and wipes oil and grime off his hands to shake Jaeseop's hand.
"AJ, right? Welcome. I've heard nothing but good things." Soohyun offers him a bright smile and Jaeseop's stomach does a funny flip that irritates him more than anything. It's enough that Kiseop has an unhealthy obsession with this guy, it would be stupid for Jaeseop to follow in his footsteps.
Instead he shakes Soohyun's hand and grins back at him, being as casual as possible. "Then I'm sure he's left some things out."
Soohyun laughs and takes over, curling an arm around Jaeseop and steering him around the garage, introducing both the guys there and the cars in a much more thorough way than Kiseop did. It's nice, getting properly introduced and learning everyone's names, but Jaeseop can't help but think that he prefers Kiseop's way of doing it.
The first week is awkward. The second is easier. By the third week, Jaeseop feels as if he's been there for years. He finds his own place in the group, halfway between high up on the food chain and total outsider. It turns out he's been racing for longer than most of the guys, and he has some skills that the newer ones haven't learned yet. It's strange to find that he's asked for advice and help, but he settles into that as well.
Just like he settles into a space that isn't between Soohyun and Kiseop, but rather beside them. A third variable in an equation that already doesn't add up.
It isn't a place he ever meant to be in, but it seems unavoidable. Jaeseop isn't entirely sure he'd want to avoid it even if he could.
"You know there's no point, right?" Jaeseop climbs up on the hood of the car and settles next to Kiseop, following his gaze and watching Soohyun. If he knows he's being watched, he shows no sign of it. He's the picture of careless oblivion as he laughs and talks to people, flirting with girls and pulling guys in for casual hugs. It's easy to see why everyone likes him, despite the fact that he wins most of the races he participates. Hell, that's just another reason why people like him, along with the fact that he's not half as cocky as the other racers who are as good as Soohyun is.
It's easy to see why Kiseop has fallen in love. Jaeseop's halfway there himself, without meaning to.
Kiseop grumbles a reply, scowling at Jaeseop for a second before he goes right back to watching Soohyun. It strikes Jaeseop that they spend a lot of their time together watching Soohyun, whether in the garage, in races, at parties or in either Kiseop or Soohyun's apartments. When Soohyun is around, Kiseop stops paying attention to anyone else. Soohyun comes first, second and third, everyone else has to make due with whatever's left over.
Jaeseop hadn't thought it would bother him so much. And it's not the fact that Soohyun comes first, either, because he can understand that. Given time and opportunity, he would probably do the exact same thing himself, as annoying as that thought is. No, it's not that. What bothers him is that Soohyun doesn't see the effect he has on Kiseop, that Kiseop has been doing this for years without getting anything from it. Endless pining might sound romantic in theory, but in practice it's fruitless and painful.
"You need to move on," Jaeseop says, more honest than tactful.
"Not gonna happen," Kiseop replies. It's the first time he's not flat out denying everything. Progress.
Jaeseop shrugs and leans back, looking up into the night sky instead of keeping on staring at Soohyun. In Seoul, the city lights drown out the stars, and for a fleeting moment he misses home. Home. But no, this is his home now. "At least make an effort. He's never going to see you that way. He's going to keep on flirting with everything in sight until he finally settles down with a nice girl. They'll probably have a couple of car-obsessed kids and you'll be their favorite uncle. You'll be friends for life, but you'll never get anything more."
The words come out more brutal than he had planned, and beside him, Kiseop tenses. For the longest time, they keep on sitting there, not saying a word, before Kiseop finally gets up and stalks away. Away from Jaeseop, yes, but away from the party and Soohyun as well.
Kiseop doesn't come home for three days. Soohyun is on the verge of reporting him missing, but Jaeseop won't let him. The disappearance makes sense to him, even if it doesn't to anyone else.
When Kiseop does return, he comes to the apartment first. Jaeseop dozes on the couch with a movie playing on the TV and a half-eaten meal on the table in front of him. It's the quiet shuffle of feet that wakes him up, and he blinks up at Kiseop in confusion for a second because he had assumed that Kiseop would go straight to the garage to apologize for worrying everyone in general and Soohyun in particular.
"Welcome home," Jaeseop says. Kiseop doesn't say anything, but flops down on the couch and falls asleep there, half on top of Jaeseop's legs.
Even if he's back, Kiseop is withheld for weeks. He laughs less than he used to and spends more time at home and in stores, focusing on fashion instead of cars. Soohyun looks worried, as do the other guys in their group, but Jaeseop kind of likes it.
This way, he's the one who gets to spend the most time with Kiseop and it feels like a victory. Jaeseop curls up with Kiseop on the couch during the night and smiles innocently at Soohyun during the day, and he wonders when this turned into a competition.
A competition Soohyun is completely oblivious of, no less.
Kiseop's next race is a disaster. Nobody tries to stop him from taking part, but nobody is particularly surprised when he spins out, three quarters through. The tires shriek in protest as the car veers off course. Kiseop doesn't manage to recover in time, and the car scrapes along walls before slamming into a fire hydrant. Kevin wins the race, and he smirks at Jaeseop and Soohyun, making a comment about letting the pretty-boy drive that almost has Jaeseop pouncing at him because taking his frustrations out on Kevin seems like a good idea.
It's Soohyun who holds him back, of course, and they head over to Kiseop together. The car is a mess, it'll take weeks to fix, but Kiseop's okay and that's what matters. He winces over a bruised forehead and whines over his legs hurting from the sudden stop, but he's quick to smile again when Soohyun gives him a hug.
A smile that fades when Soohyun spends the rest of the evening and night concentrating on the car, and Jaeseop takes Kiseop's hand and half pulls, half guides him home.
The apartment feels too quiet for once. Too full of words left unsaid. Jaeseop sits down on the couch and smiles shakily when Kiseop sits down beside him seconds later. "I'm glad you're here," Kiseop mutters and presses his face against Jaeseop's shoulder, quite possibly hiding tears.
Normally, Jaeseop would have laughed and cracked a joke, making fun of this kind of situation because that's far easier than anything else. But this is Kiseop and Jaeseop swallows hard and curls his arms around him, providing him with a different kind of comfort to the one Soohyun offers.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Jaeseop says and he knows that it's both cheesy and not entirely true, but the way Kiseop presses himself closer and simply stays makes the small lie worth it.
"Why did you come here?" The question seems to come out of nowhere, especially since they're working on fixing Kiseop's car, working long hours into the early morning in order to finish as soon as possible.
They're the only ones left in the garage except for a sleeping and snoring Hoonmin who spends more nights curled up on the battered couch in the back office than he does in his own bed. Still, this isn't a conversation Jaeseop wants to have. "Does it matter? I'm here and I'm not going back."
Kiseop shrugs and straightens up, rolling his shoulders. His top is stained black from working on the car for hours, and his hands and arms aren't much better. Absentmindedly, Jaeseop thinks that he looks just as good like this as he does when he's dolled up for a party, wearing designer clothes and hints of something Jaeseop suspects is make-up. "I guess it doesn't matter, but I'd still like to know. I wouldn't tell anyone."
"I know you wouldn't," Jaeseop says, though he's not entirely sure it's true. He can't imagine Kiseop keeping anything from Soohyun. Kiseop keeps staring at him and eventually, Jaeseop sighs and straightens up as well, though he stays focused on the car. "I ran into some trouble."
"Figured as much."
"Don't interrupt or I might not tell you anything." Jaeseop flashes Kiseop a grin before looking down again. His own hands are as dirty as Kiseop's; after years of working on cars and engines the stains barely go away at all. "There's no Soohyun down there, making sure that everything's fair. In Seoul there are rules, but down there... If someone can come up with ways to cheat, they will. They don't even consider it cheating since there are no rules." Jaeseop shakes his head, the frustration and anger flaring back up even if it's all months away. "I got sick of it. Really sick of it. So I sabotaged as many of the cheaters' cars as I could and in the next race they all crashed. Two of them ended up in the hospital. They found out who did it, naturally, but I ran before they had the chance to retaliate."
Kiseop raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't look shocked. Maybe he had expected worse. "No wonder don't wanna go home."
"This is my home now," Jaeseop says. He starts to say something more, but stops abruptly when there are arms around his waist, pulling him backwards. He can practically feel Kiseop's heart beating against his back.
"This is your home now," Kiseop confirms, voice low, breath ghosting over Jaeseop's neck until it makes him shiver. He's not sure if this is okay. He's not sure what to do or what to say. His hands seem to have a mind of their own, though, and before he knows what he's doing, he's running his fingers over Kiseop's hands and arms, marveling at the feeling of simply being held.
He could get used to this.
After another of Soohyun's wins, they throw a party at their garage. It's not the most glamorous place to party, granted, but it's the only place big enough for a crowd. Jaeseop gets there late; he works the occasional shift at a restaurant in order to help out with the never-ending bills.
The scene seems so familiar even if it's the first time they've held a party here. The music is loud, but not loud enough to drown out the conversations and laughter. People dance in between the cars, only taking breaks to get something to drink or a snack, or to sneak off to make out or more. Jaeseop snorts over the sight of Eli trying very hard - and failing, by the looks of it - to impress a couple of girls. It's all so familiar, right down to Soohyun in the middle of a crowd, laughing at something.
Jaeseop looks around for Kiseop, but doesn't spot him at first. When he finally sees him, it's because of a flash of a camera going off, shining light into the corner where Kiseop sits, looking far too sullen. Maybe he should leave the guy along to sulk, but instead Jaeseop heads over and pulls Kiseop up. "What's wrong?"
Kiseop doesn't reply, but Jaeseop gets his answer anyway. The crowd behind him whistles and cheers, and Jaeseop turns around just in time to see Soohyun kiss a girl in a way that seems to suggest there's something more behind it than sheer giddiness and joy.
The sight makes it obvious why Kiseop's mood isn't the best, and Jaeseop winces as Kiseop's fingers dig into his sides. It's an efficient distraction and Jaeseop turns back to him, preferring not to watch Soohyun kiss girls. He doesn't like it either, and the look he shoots Kiseop is probably more scowling than sympathetic.
"Let's get out of here," he says and heads out. Kiseop actually follows, walking close enough to brush against Jaeseop every now and then. They could easily have held hands, but Kiseop doesn't make the first move and neither does Jaeseop.
They walk, and walk, and walk. Silently, but together. When they stop, Jaeseop looks around only to realize he has no idea where they are. "Are we lost?"
"Hopelessly," Kiseop says, and this time there's a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes are red, but Jaeseop doesn't comment on it. Nor does he comment on it when Kiseop steps closer, though he frowns a little in confusion. "I'm ready now," Kiseop continues.
That doesn't make any sense either, but it doesn't matter. Jaeseop nods and leans in slightly, but it's Kiseop who closes the distance, pressing his lips against Jaeseop's in a dry, warm kiss.
He's ready. They're ready.
One awkward kiss turn into several turn into less awkward kisses. Jaeseop isn't sure if this is right, any of it, but it feels nice so he doesn't see any reason to stop.
Especially since it makes Kiseop smile more, laugh easier, and sleep with an arm and a leg flung across Jaeseop's body.
For once, they've all traveled outside of Seoul for a race. It's a change of pace and a change of scenery, and after Kiseop comes second in his race and Jaeseop scrapes together a win in his, they're all in a good mood.
Better days. Good days.
The final race is the longest and hardest, one best left for the seasoned racers. Soohyun waves at them and ducks into his car, rolling up to the starting line. Of course it's Soohyun. He'll always be the best of them. Jaeseop knows that he can't compete with Soohyun. It's pointless to even try.
But he doesn't need to be better than Soohyun. He just needs to be different from Soohyun. A change of pace, so to speak. He just has to be aware and caring and willing. He just has to accept that Soohyun will always be there, number one in so many ways, but maybe not in all the ways that count. Soohyun is a side in a triangle he's doesn't know that he's in, but without him there might not be anything to connect Jaeseop to Kiseop in the first place.
Maybe it's not perfect, but it's been a long time since Jaeseop expected perfection. He's never been in love before, but he still doesn't expect it to be like in the movies. He'll take something small and tangible instead of an unreachable dream. He'll sleep next to Kiseop and share his meals and tug him into hidden corners for quick kisses instead of wondering what if.
"He had better win, I've bet half my winnings on him," Jaeseop says when someone steps up beside him. He doesn't have to look to know that it's Kiseop. He can tell from the way Kiseop smells, the way his breathing sounds, and from the sheer closeness.
Kiseop laughs and pulls Jaeseop closer, hooking an arm around his shoulders as the race is started and the cars roar and take off in a whirl of smoke and near burning tires. "He'll win. He's the best." It's nothing more than statement of fact, and it's all Jaeseop reads into it. With the crowds around them, there's nothing cautious or careful about the way he turns his head and kisses Kiseop's cheek. He wraps an arm around Kiseop's waist to pull him even closer, grinning over Kiseop's quiet, content laughter and the way he nips at Jaeseop's ear.
Jaeseop watches the cars in the distance and thinks fuck perfection; he wouldn't change what he has for anything.
For: kisoap
Pairing: Jaeseop/Kiseop(/Soohyun)
Word count: 3,550
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jaeseop moves to Seoul, with all the complications that entails. Street racing AU.
Jaeseop shivers as he knocks on Kiseop's door, hoping that he has the right address because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He's running on nearly three days of no sleep and little food, and he's so exhausted he thinks he could fall asleep right here. It doesn't help that he's soaked to the skin either, and he runs a hand through his wet hair as he waits. Outside, the thunderstorm rolls on.
Kiseop answers the door with a yawn and tousled hair obscuring half his face. "Since when did you knock? I swear, if you lost the keys again I'm never giving you another set."
"Uhm," Jaeseop answers, relief over finding the right address giving way to confusion.
The sound of his voice - probably not the one Kiseop clearly expected - makes Kiseop shake the hair out of his eyes. "You're not Soohyun," he says, rubbing his eyes and then staring at Jaeseop as if he's trying to figure out whether or not he's dreaming.
"Observant as always." Jaeseop can't help but grin. Partly from seeing a relatively friendly face, partly from the way Kiseop looks, and partly because he can finally stop running. Hopefully. "Listen, I know it's the middle of the night and I didn't ask if this was cool, but do you think I could--"
"Come in," Kiseop interrupts him, grabbing a hold of his wrist and pulling him inside. "I told you last time, didn't I? You're welcome here whenever. Do the dishes and I might let you stay forever. Or at least as long as you need to. Are you hiding from the cops or something? 'Cause I don't mind harboring a known criminal, but I'd like some warning if my place is gonna get searched."
It's all Jaeseop can do to keep from rolling his eyes. Searching Kiseop's apartment would no doubt yield some interesting finds, but it's too small and too messy to really be anything but the place belonging to a single guy with a more than passing interest in fashion and cars. "I'm not running from the police." Maybe he should be offended that Kiseop thinks he's even capable of breaking the law to that extent, but considering the circumstances and what they both do for a living, he figures he can't blame Kiseop for making assumptions.
"Running from a girl, then?" Kiseop throws him a lopsided grin and shuffles through the small apartment, half shoving Jaeseop into what might be the smallest bedroom he's ever seen in his life, made even smaller by the piles of clothing along one wall. "Or maybe it's a guy you're running from?"
"Something like that."
Kiseop scoffs, but doesn't push it. "I'm gonna assume the worst until you tell me otherwise. You're a long way from home, Jaeseop."
Jaeseop smiles thinly and puts his backpack down on the limited floor space, pulling off his wet jacket and shirt before sitting down, cross-legged on the floor. All he wants to do is sleep, sleep until his life has improved. Though he suspects it has already improved. "I don't have a home anymore." He hesitates, not sure how far he should go in leaving his previous life behind, but then he nods to himself. "Call me AJ from now on, okay? Just in case."
"Oh yeah, you're not in any kind of trouble," Kiseop remarks dryly, but he doesn't push it now either. Thank god for small mercies. "Get some sleep, you look like shit. If you're gonna stay here, the least you can do is look good."
He wants to laugh and joke, he really does, but instead Jaeseop just smiles gratefully up at Kiseop. Not everyone would be so kind to someone you had spent a couple of summers with, but there's always been something about Kiseop that makes him different. Straight-forward and honest and kind, despite the semi-illegal things he does on a daily basis. "Thank you," Jaeseop mutters, even if Kiseop's already nudged the door shut. It doesn't matter whether Kiseop hears it or not; Jaeseop knows he doesn't need thank yous.
"This is AJ. Friend of mine from down south. He's gonna be staying a while. Don't be assholes to him." It's all the introduction Kiseop does, and Jaeseop smiles and gives the guys in the garage a smile and a vague half-bow. He doesn't have time for anything else before Kiseop drags him along again, and Jaeseop very nearly yelps in surprise even though he should be getting used to this by now. As if he wouldn't follow Kiseop on his own, without being dragged.
Kiseop leads him over to the corner, where someone is working on a car engine. "Hyung," Kiseop says, a slight breathless note to his voice that tells Jaeseop exactly who this is, even before the man straightens up and wipes oil and grime off his hands to shake Jaeseop's hand.
"AJ, right? Welcome. I've heard nothing but good things." Soohyun offers him a bright smile and Jaeseop's stomach does a funny flip that irritates him more than anything. It's enough that Kiseop has an unhealthy obsession with this guy, it would be stupid for Jaeseop to follow in his footsteps.
Instead he shakes Soohyun's hand and grins back at him, being as casual as possible. "Then I'm sure he's left some things out."
Soohyun laughs and takes over, curling an arm around Jaeseop and steering him around the garage, introducing both the guys there and the cars in a much more thorough way than Kiseop did. It's nice, getting properly introduced and learning everyone's names, but Jaeseop can't help but think that he prefers Kiseop's way of doing it.
The first week is awkward. The second is easier. By the third week, Jaeseop feels as if he's been there for years. He finds his own place in the group, halfway between high up on the food chain and total outsider. It turns out he's been racing for longer than most of the guys, and he has some skills that the newer ones haven't learned yet. It's strange to find that he's asked for advice and help, but he settles into that as well.
Just like he settles into a space that isn't between Soohyun and Kiseop, but rather beside them. A third variable in an equation that already doesn't add up.
It isn't a place he ever meant to be in, but it seems unavoidable. Jaeseop isn't entirely sure he'd want to avoid it even if he could.
"You know there's no point, right?" Jaeseop climbs up on the hood of the car and settles next to Kiseop, following his gaze and watching Soohyun. If he knows he's being watched, he shows no sign of it. He's the picture of careless oblivion as he laughs and talks to people, flirting with girls and pulling guys in for casual hugs. It's easy to see why everyone likes him, despite the fact that he wins most of the races he participates. Hell, that's just another reason why people like him, along with the fact that he's not half as cocky as the other racers who are as good as Soohyun is.
It's easy to see why Kiseop has fallen in love. Jaeseop's halfway there himself, without meaning to.
Kiseop grumbles a reply, scowling at Jaeseop for a second before he goes right back to watching Soohyun. It strikes Jaeseop that they spend a lot of their time together watching Soohyun, whether in the garage, in races, at parties or in either Kiseop or Soohyun's apartments. When Soohyun is around, Kiseop stops paying attention to anyone else. Soohyun comes first, second and third, everyone else has to make due with whatever's left over.
Jaeseop hadn't thought it would bother him so much. And it's not the fact that Soohyun comes first, either, because he can understand that. Given time and opportunity, he would probably do the exact same thing himself, as annoying as that thought is. No, it's not that. What bothers him is that Soohyun doesn't see the effect he has on Kiseop, that Kiseop has been doing this for years without getting anything from it. Endless pining might sound romantic in theory, but in practice it's fruitless and painful.
"You need to move on," Jaeseop says, more honest than tactful.
"Not gonna happen," Kiseop replies. It's the first time he's not flat out denying everything. Progress.
Jaeseop shrugs and leans back, looking up into the night sky instead of keeping on staring at Soohyun. In Seoul, the city lights drown out the stars, and for a fleeting moment he misses home. Home. But no, this is his home now. "At least make an effort. He's never going to see you that way. He's going to keep on flirting with everything in sight until he finally settles down with a nice girl. They'll probably have a couple of car-obsessed kids and you'll be their favorite uncle. You'll be friends for life, but you'll never get anything more."
The words come out more brutal than he had planned, and beside him, Kiseop tenses. For the longest time, they keep on sitting there, not saying a word, before Kiseop finally gets up and stalks away. Away from Jaeseop, yes, but away from the party and Soohyun as well.
Kiseop doesn't come home for three days. Soohyun is on the verge of reporting him missing, but Jaeseop won't let him. The disappearance makes sense to him, even if it doesn't to anyone else.
When Kiseop does return, he comes to the apartment first. Jaeseop dozes on the couch with a movie playing on the TV and a half-eaten meal on the table in front of him. It's the quiet shuffle of feet that wakes him up, and he blinks up at Kiseop in confusion for a second because he had assumed that Kiseop would go straight to the garage to apologize for worrying everyone in general and Soohyun in particular.
"Welcome home," Jaeseop says. Kiseop doesn't say anything, but flops down on the couch and falls asleep there, half on top of Jaeseop's legs.
Even if he's back, Kiseop is withheld for weeks. He laughs less than he used to and spends more time at home and in stores, focusing on fashion instead of cars. Soohyun looks worried, as do the other guys in their group, but Jaeseop kind of likes it.
This way, he's the one who gets to spend the most time with Kiseop and it feels like a victory. Jaeseop curls up with Kiseop on the couch during the night and smiles innocently at Soohyun during the day, and he wonders when this turned into a competition.
A competition Soohyun is completely oblivious of, no less.
Kiseop's next race is a disaster. Nobody tries to stop him from taking part, but nobody is particularly surprised when he spins out, three quarters through. The tires shriek in protest as the car veers off course. Kiseop doesn't manage to recover in time, and the car scrapes along walls before slamming into a fire hydrant. Kevin wins the race, and he smirks at Jaeseop and Soohyun, making a comment about letting the pretty-boy drive that almost has Jaeseop pouncing at him because taking his frustrations out on Kevin seems like a good idea.
It's Soohyun who holds him back, of course, and they head over to Kiseop together. The car is a mess, it'll take weeks to fix, but Kiseop's okay and that's what matters. He winces over a bruised forehead and whines over his legs hurting from the sudden stop, but he's quick to smile again when Soohyun gives him a hug.
A smile that fades when Soohyun spends the rest of the evening and night concentrating on the car, and Jaeseop takes Kiseop's hand and half pulls, half guides him home.
The apartment feels too quiet for once. Too full of words left unsaid. Jaeseop sits down on the couch and smiles shakily when Kiseop sits down beside him seconds later. "I'm glad you're here," Kiseop mutters and presses his face against Jaeseop's shoulder, quite possibly hiding tears.
Normally, Jaeseop would have laughed and cracked a joke, making fun of this kind of situation because that's far easier than anything else. But this is Kiseop and Jaeseop swallows hard and curls his arms around him, providing him with a different kind of comfort to the one Soohyun offers.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Jaeseop says and he knows that it's both cheesy and not entirely true, but the way Kiseop presses himself closer and simply stays makes the small lie worth it.
"Why did you come here?" The question seems to come out of nowhere, especially since they're working on fixing Kiseop's car, working long hours into the early morning in order to finish as soon as possible.
They're the only ones left in the garage except for a sleeping and snoring Hoonmin who spends more nights curled up on the battered couch in the back office than he does in his own bed. Still, this isn't a conversation Jaeseop wants to have. "Does it matter? I'm here and I'm not going back."
Kiseop shrugs and straightens up, rolling his shoulders. His top is stained black from working on the car for hours, and his hands and arms aren't much better. Absentmindedly, Jaeseop thinks that he looks just as good like this as he does when he's dolled up for a party, wearing designer clothes and hints of something Jaeseop suspects is make-up. "I guess it doesn't matter, but I'd still like to know. I wouldn't tell anyone."
"I know you wouldn't," Jaeseop says, though he's not entirely sure it's true. He can't imagine Kiseop keeping anything from Soohyun. Kiseop keeps staring at him and eventually, Jaeseop sighs and straightens up as well, though he stays focused on the car. "I ran into some trouble."
"Figured as much."
"Don't interrupt or I might not tell you anything." Jaeseop flashes Kiseop a grin before looking down again. His own hands are as dirty as Kiseop's; after years of working on cars and engines the stains barely go away at all. "There's no Soohyun down there, making sure that everything's fair. In Seoul there are rules, but down there... If someone can come up with ways to cheat, they will. They don't even consider it cheating since there are no rules." Jaeseop shakes his head, the frustration and anger flaring back up even if it's all months away. "I got sick of it. Really sick of it. So I sabotaged as many of the cheaters' cars as I could and in the next race they all crashed. Two of them ended up in the hospital. They found out who did it, naturally, but I ran before they had the chance to retaliate."
Kiseop raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't look shocked. Maybe he had expected worse. "No wonder don't wanna go home."
"This is my home now," Jaeseop says. He starts to say something more, but stops abruptly when there are arms around his waist, pulling him backwards. He can practically feel Kiseop's heart beating against his back.
"This is your home now," Kiseop confirms, voice low, breath ghosting over Jaeseop's neck until it makes him shiver. He's not sure if this is okay. He's not sure what to do or what to say. His hands seem to have a mind of their own, though, and before he knows what he's doing, he's running his fingers over Kiseop's hands and arms, marveling at the feeling of simply being held.
He could get used to this.
After another of Soohyun's wins, they throw a party at their garage. It's not the most glamorous place to party, granted, but it's the only place big enough for a crowd. Jaeseop gets there late; he works the occasional shift at a restaurant in order to help out with the never-ending bills.
The scene seems so familiar even if it's the first time they've held a party here. The music is loud, but not loud enough to drown out the conversations and laughter. People dance in between the cars, only taking breaks to get something to drink or a snack, or to sneak off to make out or more. Jaeseop snorts over the sight of Eli trying very hard - and failing, by the looks of it - to impress a couple of girls. It's all so familiar, right down to Soohyun in the middle of a crowd, laughing at something.
Jaeseop looks around for Kiseop, but doesn't spot him at first. When he finally sees him, it's because of a flash of a camera going off, shining light into the corner where Kiseop sits, looking far too sullen. Maybe he should leave the guy along to sulk, but instead Jaeseop heads over and pulls Kiseop up. "What's wrong?"
Kiseop doesn't reply, but Jaeseop gets his answer anyway. The crowd behind him whistles and cheers, and Jaeseop turns around just in time to see Soohyun kiss a girl in a way that seems to suggest there's something more behind it than sheer giddiness and joy.
The sight makes it obvious why Kiseop's mood isn't the best, and Jaeseop winces as Kiseop's fingers dig into his sides. It's an efficient distraction and Jaeseop turns back to him, preferring not to watch Soohyun kiss girls. He doesn't like it either, and the look he shoots Kiseop is probably more scowling than sympathetic.
"Let's get out of here," he says and heads out. Kiseop actually follows, walking close enough to brush against Jaeseop every now and then. They could easily have held hands, but Kiseop doesn't make the first move and neither does Jaeseop.
They walk, and walk, and walk. Silently, but together. When they stop, Jaeseop looks around only to realize he has no idea where they are. "Are we lost?"
"Hopelessly," Kiseop says, and this time there's a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes are red, but Jaeseop doesn't comment on it. Nor does he comment on it when Kiseop steps closer, though he frowns a little in confusion. "I'm ready now," Kiseop continues.
That doesn't make any sense either, but it doesn't matter. Jaeseop nods and leans in slightly, but it's Kiseop who closes the distance, pressing his lips against Jaeseop's in a dry, warm kiss.
He's ready. They're ready.
One awkward kiss turn into several turn into less awkward kisses. Jaeseop isn't sure if this is right, any of it, but it feels nice so he doesn't see any reason to stop.
Especially since it makes Kiseop smile more, laugh easier, and sleep with an arm and a leg flung across Jaeseop's body.
For once, they've all traveled outside of Seoul for a race. It's a change of pace and a change of scenery, and after Kiseop comes second in his race and Jaeseop scrapes together a win in his, they're all in a good mood.
Better days. Good days.
The final race is the longest and hardest, one best left for the seasoned racers. Soohyun waves at them and ducks into his car, rolling up to the starting line. Of course it's Soohyun. He'll always be the best of them. Jaeseop knows that he can't compete with Soohyun. It's pointless to even try.
But he doesn't need to be better than Soohyun. He just needs to be different from Soohyun. A change of pace, so to speak. He just has to be aware and caring and willing. He just has to accept that Soohyun will always be there, number one in so many ways, but maybe not in all the ways that count. Soohyun is a side in a triangle he's doesn't know that he's in, but without him there might not be anything to connect Jaeseop to Kiseop in the first place.
Maybe it's not perfect, but it's been a long time since Jaeseop expected perfection. He's never been in love before, but he still doesn't expect it to be like in the movies. He'll take something small and tangible instead of an unreachable dream. He'll sleep next to Kiseop and share his meals and tug him into hidden corners for quick kisses instead of wondering what if.
"He had better win, I've bet half my winnings on him," Jaeseop says when someone steps up beside him. He doesn't have to look to know that it's Kiseop. He can tell from the way Kiseop smells, the way his breathing sounds, and from the sheer closeness.
Kiseop laughs and pulls Jaeseop closer, hooking an arm around his shoulders as the race is started and the cars roar and take off in a whirl of smoke and near burning tires. "He'll win. He's the best." It's nothing more than statement of fact, and it's all Jaeseop reads into it. With the crowds around them, there's nothing cautious or careful about the way he turns his head and kisses Kiseop's cheek. He wraps an arm around Kiseop's waist to pull him even closer, grinning over Kiseop's quiet, content laughter and the way he nips at Jaeseop's ear.
Jaeseop watches the cars in the distance and thinks fuck perfection; he wouldn't change what he has for anything.