Fuck this place
I really don't understand office politics. I wish hard work reigned supreme over ass-kissing or comradery, but I know the world doesn't work that way. And that's always come to bite me in the ass in anything I do: NESA, friendship, work. But I'm never gonna be that person. As hard as I try, that's just not the kind of person I am. I'm a hard worker, and I hope that comes across more than me trying to schmooze it up with my boss.
For instance, last night was the Filter holiday party. And I fucking TRIED to mingle, but it's so fucked up. My job does a lot of big events and concerts and such, but they don't promote that kind of interaction/environment at work, so how the fuck am I supposed to do it outside of work? I don't talk to these people between the hours of 9-5 (and they certainly don't talk to me) so basically for the first 45 minutes, I'm walking around aimlessly awkwardly saying hi to people and walking away. I should've been more drunk and maybe I would've been able to be a little more sociable with co-workers and my boss. But instead, I just kicked it with Brendan and a few interns. But then this morning, my co-worker who ALWAYS gets bitched at by my boss for being such a slacker and getting by by doing the bare minimum OF COURSE bonded with my boss last night because they were both drunk and now she loves her. But when I went up to my boss, she was so short with me and Brendan even though she met Brendan before at another show and he even bought her a water! And I even got a glass of wine with her and her friend before, but there's just some sort of disconnect between me and her and I don't know what it is. Like she can't relate to me or something, so she just keeps me at arm's length. And she's an old woman who's not married so sometimes I feel she's like not jealous but just like weird towards me like I'm so young and I'm already in a committed relationship and all her friends and my other co-worker aren't, so she can relate to them more. But that's so fucked up. You can't say that I'm not trying. I went up to her and tried to talk but it always ends up so awkward. What the fuck else does she want me to do? And then this morning, she sends out an email to us to list 4-6 of our favorite music blogs that we think are doing the most creative/compelling/interesting things. And of course the lazy co-worker sends her the list first because all she does all day is look at sites that are irrelevant to work. And OF COURSE my boss praises her for it. I know I work in online marketing and part of our job is uncovering the endless amount of new and interesting sites, but fuck, I don't sit around all day and look at that shit. And I don't go to all these events in LA like she does. I'm a homebody. I like to go to work and leave. Sorry, I didn't know we had to be doing all this goddamn field research. And I did think about that. And I did realize that yes, maybe, I need to do some field research so I don't look like I'm not well-versed in what I do, but they can't require me to do that. I just wish she would recognize my hard work over being able to be drunk and chat it up. I can certainly work on that, but I work in an online field, not a PR field!!
I'm sure this will probably prevent me from moving up or getting promoted around here, but you know what, I don't really care because a) they already said no one's getting raises for awhile because of the economy and b) I'll be out of here in a year anyway and move on to bigger and better things. But my only apprehension is I won't be able to find anything for awhile because of the shitty economy. So, I'm kinda stuck. I'm just really frustrated by the politics here. It's retarded. And I'm trying, but I guess not hard enough. And I guess I'll always be the one that my boss likes the least because she can't "relate" to me. Even though I work hard and I do have a personality; these people just don't see it. So dumb. Maybe I should just do the bare minimum. And I even bought my boss a thoughtful gift for Christmas, and now I'm contemplating giving it to her. She'll probably think I'm just kissing ass anyway.
For instance, last night was the Filter holiday party. And I fucking TRIED to mingle, but it's so fucked up. My job does a lot of big events and concerts and such, but they don't promote that kind of interaction/environment at work, so how the fuck am I supposed to do it outside of work? I don't talk to these people between the hours of 9-5 (and they certainly don't talk to me) so basically for the first 45 minutes, I'm walking around aimlessly awkwardly saying hi to people and walking away. I should've been more drunk and maybe I would've been able to be a little more sociable with co-workers and my boss. But instead, I just kicked it with Brendan and a few interns. But then this morning, my co-worker who ALWAYS gets bitched at by my boss for being such a slacker and getting by by doing the bare minimum OF COURSE bonded with my boss last night because they were both drunk and now she loves her. But when I went up to my boss, she was so short with me and Brendan even though she met Brendan before at another show and he even bought her a water! And I even got a glass of wine with her and her friend before, but there's just some sort of disconnect between me and her and I don't know what it is. Like she can't relate to me or something, so she just keeps me at arm's length. And she's an old woman who's not married so sometimes I feel she's like not jealous but just like weird towards me like I'm so young and I'm already in a committed relationship and all her friends and my other co-worker aren't, so she can relate to them more. But that's so fucked up. You can't say that I'm not trying. I went up to her and tried to talk but it always ends up so awkward. What the fuck else does she want me to do? And then this morning, she sends out an email to us to list 4-6 of our favorite music blogs that we think are doing the most creative/compelling/interesting things. And of course the lazy co-worker sends her the list first because all she does all day is look at sites that are irrelevant to work. And OF COURSE my boss praises her for it. I know I work in online marketing and part of our job is uncovering the endless amount of new and interesting sites, but fuck, I don't sit around all day and look at that shit. And I don't go to all these events in LA like she does. I'm a homebody. I like to go to work and leave. Sorry, I didn't know we had to be doing all this goddamn field research. And I did think about that. And I did realize that yes, maybe, I need to do some field research so I don't look like I'm not well-versed in what I do, but they can't require me to do that. I just wish she would recognize my hard work over being able to be drunk and chat it up. I can certainly work on that, but I work in an online field, not a PR field!!
I'm sure this will probably prevent me from moving up or getting promoted around here, but you know what, I don't really care because a) they already said no one's getting raises for awhile because of the economy and b) I'll be out of here in a year anyway and move on to bigger and better things. But my only apprehension is I won't be able to find anything for awhile because of the shitty economy. So, I'm kinda stuck. I'm just really frustrated by the politics here. It's retarded. And I'm trying, but I guess not hard enough. And I guess I'll always be the one that my boss likes the least because she can't "relate" to me. Even though I work hard and I do have a personality; these people just don't see it. So dumb. Maybe I should just do the bare minimum. And I even bought my boss a thoughtful gift for Christmas, and now I'm contemplating giving it to her. She'll probably think I'm just kissing ass anyway.