Things people do.
And so I emerge out of the cocoon from whence I came to go public agian.
Hi Live Journal. How are you doing?
All the things I want to say can not be truly said, but each time I come to you I try to be honest as possible, hoping that I can one day say what I truly feel and not give a darn.
So what brings me to you today? Two very special people in my life that I ever hardly talk about they are Kadija and Kira.
Kadija and Kira are my cousins by marriage. They are sisters, Kadija being the older stronger sister and Kira being the younger more insecure if you ask me. They are sisters by blood having the same mom, but different dads. Kadija is very talented,very smart and very very sure of herself. Kira on the other hand seeks the approval of her peers, lacks confidence is herself and is very spoiled as the baby. But the one thing they have in common is they both love to be praised and they love attention. I would say I have a pretty close relationship with both of them. Yet I realized I never talk to anyone about them, because they exist in a world that I keep very hidden and protected from everybody....they are apart of the HALf: family, but they aren't blood. And so out of my sorta kinda step grandmom by marriage "not real" grandchildren I am the oldest. Kadija is right under me by a year and Kira is about 4 years younger. "Grandmom" has always praised me. She has always been proud of what I have accomplished and done through out my life, because she doesnt really talk to me, she just sees me on occasion and just assumes everything I do it great. On the other hand she approves of Kadija, but she is more involved with her life and she tries to guide her and sometimes Kadija doesnt like the interference, because she is very strong willed and she is a I am so darn smart, how can I not already know it type of person. Despite the fact that"grandmom" loves and appreciates Kadija's strength she hates that about her. On the other hand "grandmom" is very hard on Kira. She thinks she is very spoiled and she has a lot of growing to do. But once I hinted about it to grandmom very randomly and she that is because she wants Kira to be strong. And as a matter of fact the whole family sees it that way or at least that's what Kira thinks and this has always caused a wedge between Kira and Kadija. And Kadija being a somewhat loving individual...always was hurt that her little sister and her could not be closer. Kira on the other hand who talkes to me on a more regular basis, told me that she doesnt need a Kadija, she has me. At first I thought that was sweet, but then I became concerned. I started to encourage Kira to get to not say that because Kadija is her sister. They are older now. Kadija has started her career and Kira is soon to graduate from college. So to the problem.
Recently "grandmom" has been making a big fuss about how great I am doing with my organization. She also has been talking bad about Kadija, because she got pregnant and had a baby boy and had to push back her grad school pursuits. "grandmom" says she will never go back. And she has been talking alot about it through the half family and people have been taking interests. So naturally Kadija become jealous. Kadija is sooooo used to the lime lite. She is the star, the protege who has traveled to africa, europe , china and back again. So I heard through the the half family great vine that she has been talking about me, saying how I aint all that because I cant graduate I am still living at home and ultimately that I am a hypocrite because I talk a good game, but I dont follow it.My first instict was Fuck you Kadija. Your ass stinks, please wipe it before you wipd mine. But ultimately I was hurt although all those things can possibly be true, I cant help it that I happen to do something that caused the half family to appreciate my gifts. But you know me and Kadija have had run in's before, but this time Kira is talking bad about me too. They are teaming up, to smear my reputatiom. That really hurt me too. Finally, Kira has taken an interest in Kadija, because Kadija is now...in this case the underdog. And now Kira is feeling a little big on herself, because she is doing well in school and she is modeling and she is feeling a little more confident about being confident and they both are just hating on me like crazy. Anyway, that in essence is juvenile, except for the fact that it bothers me that black women have to be that way. (not all) but just in general.
We will cut each other for alittle piece of the pain. It is all about approval and recognition and being the best and watching other people mess up so we can hate each other and compete. And this is so sad, because we are in essence a family. That is so sicknening. Why take glory in your cousin's down fall. But I have to blame grandmom and all the forces in this world like her who pit people one against another. She should appreciate all of us for who we are and what we do individually. We should not be set up against some false standard and all compared to it. As far as kira goes, I miss her alot. She was always a sweet person, but insecure people are easily misled and people can easily manipulate them. On the other hand I love Kadija I do, but one day she will learn. She really will. Life isnt always about being the best and stepping on other people's toes to accomplish you goals. Because in the end no matter how perfect we all strive to be we are nothing in the large scheme of things. And sometimes I wonder if secretly Kira had isses with me also, because I was always praised probably even when I shouldnt have been.
Well over all I feel like forget them, I don't see them often anyway. But there is apart of me that can not STAND this type of competion. The things people do for a little piece of this molded pie......bothers me. People hating people just to feel better about themselves.....what a sad world we live in.
I get mad at myself too for falling into the same traps when I do.
But I guess that is me being "preachy" and you know how much everyone loves that.
Some days I just want to still away into a private place where there is no one there to judge...to harm.....to hate....
Hi Live Journal. How are you doing?
All the things I want to say can not be truly said, but each time I come to you I try to be honest as possible, hoping that I can one day say what I truly feel and not give a darn.
So what brings me to you today? Two very special people in my life that I ever hardly talk about they are Kadija and Kira.
Kadija and Kira are my cousins by marriage. They are sisters, Kadija being the older stronger sister and Kira being the younger more insecure if you ask me. They are sisters by blood having the same mom, but different dads. Kadija is very talented,very smart and very very sure of herself. Kira on the other hand seeks the approval of her peers, lacks confidence is herself and is very spoiled as the baby. But the one thing they have in common is they both love to be praised and they love attention. I would say I have a pretty close relationship with both of them. Yet I realized I never talk to anyone about them, because they exist in a world that I keep very hidden and protected from everybody....they are apart of the HALf: family, but they aren't blood. And so out of my sorta kinda step grandmom by marriage "not real" grandchildren I am the oldest. Kadija is right under me by a year and Kira is about 4 years younger. "Grandmom" has always praised me. She has always been proud of what I have accomplished and done through out my life, because she doesnt really talk to me, she just sees me on occasion and just assumes everything I do it great. On the other hand she approves of Kadija, but she is more involved with her life and she tries to guide her and sometimes Kadija doesnt like the interference, because she is very strong willed and she is a I am so darn smart, how can I not already know it type of person. Despite the fact that"grandmom" loves and appreciates Kadija's strength she hates that about her. On the other hand "grandmom" is very hard on Kira. She thinks she is very spoiled and she has a lot of growing to do. But once I hinted about it to grandmom very randomly and she that is because she wants Kira to be strong. And as a matter of fact the whole family sees it that way or at least that's what Kira thinks and this has always caused a wedge between Kira and Kadija. And Kadija being a somewhat loving individual...always was hurt that her little sister and her could not be closer. Kira on the other hand who talkes to me on a more regular basis, told me that she doesnt need a Kadija, she has me. At first I thought that was sweet, but then I became concerned. I started to encourage Kira to get to not say that because Kadija is her sister. They are older now. Kadija has started her career and Kira is soon to graduate from college. So to the problem.
Recently "grandmom" has been making a big fuss about how great I am doing with my organization. She also has been talking bad about Kadija, because she got pregnant and had a baby boy and had to push back her grad school pursuits. "grandmom" says she will never go back. And she has been talking alot about it through the half family and people have been taking interests. So naturally Kadija become jealous. Kadija is sooooo used to the lime lite. She is the star, the protege who has traveled to africa, europe , china and back again. So I heard through the the half family great vine that she has been talking about me, saying how I aint all that because I cant graduate I am still living at home and ultimately that I am a hypocrite because I talk a good game, but I dont follow it.My first instict was Fuck you Kadija. Your ass stinks, please wipe it before you wipd mine. But ultimately I was hurt although all those things can possibly be true, I cant help it that I happen to do something that caused the half family to appreciate my gifts. But you know me and Kadija have had run in's before, but this time Kira is talking bad about me too. They are teaming up, to smear my reputatiom. That really hurt me too. Finally, Kira has taken an interest in Kadija, because Kadija is now...in this case the underdog. And now Kira is feeling a little big on herself, because she is doing well in school and she is modeling and she is feeling a little more confident about being confident and they both are just hating on me like crazy. Anyway, that in essence is juvenile, except for the fact that it bothers me that black women have to be that way. (not all) but just in general.
We will cut each other for alittle piece of the pain. It is all about approval and recognition and being the best and watching other people mess up so we can hate each other and compete. And this is so sad, because we are in essence a family. That is so sicknening. Why take glory in your cousin's down fall. But I have to blame grandmom and all the forces in this world like her who pit people one against another. She should appreciate all of us for who we are and what we do individually. We should not be set up against some false standard and all compared to it. As far as kira goes, I miss her alot. She was always a sweet person, but insecure people are easily misled and people can easily manipulate them. On the other hand I love Kadija I do, but one day she will learn. She really will. Life isnt always about being the best and stepping on other people's toes to accomplish you goals. Because in the end no matter how perfect we all strive to be we are nothing in the large scheme of things. And sometimes I wonder if secretly Kira had isses with me also, because I was always praised probably even when I shouldnt have been.
Well over all I feel like forget them, I don't see them often anyway. But there is apart of me that can not STAND this type of competion. The things people do for a little piece of this molded pie......bothers me. People hating people just to feel better about themselves.....what a sad world we live in.
I get mad at myself too for falling into the same traps when I do.
But I guess that is me being "preachy" and you know how much everyone loves that.
Some days I just want to still away into a private place where there is no one there to judge...to harm.....to hate....